Why Beginning Again Is Hard
Denise Brown
Keynoter | Author | Innovator. Training Certified Caregiving Consultants, Educators, Guides, Facilitators and Professional Listening Artists. Transforming Caregiving Support. #caringwork
About eight years ago, a colleague’s mother died. I flew to the East Coast to attend the service and support my colleague. My colleague (I’ll call her Anne) and her family lived in Pennsylvania; her mom was from Maine and wished to be buried there.
Anne contacted airlines to arrange flights for her mom’s body to return to Maine. Unfortunately, the only flights available involved a connection, which meant Anne had to trust that the airlines would ensure her mom’s body made the connecting flight.
After debating, Anne decided she just couldn’t take the chance that her mom’s body would arrive safely. So, Anne and I rented a U-Haul and transported her mom’s body ourselves, driving from central Pennsylvania to Portland, Maine, with her mom in the temporary casket in the back.
A death seems like an end. To the family caregiver, the end really doesn’t happen until the estate is settled, the house is rearranged, the day’s calendar looks less empty. For Anne, entrusting her mother’s body to another (like an airline) just seemed like an impossibility. She cared for her mom for 10 years. How could she trust her mom’s final journey to a stranger? Safely transporting her mom’s body became her last hands-on caregiving duty.
For many, life after caregiving ends brings about a challenging transition; you’re incredibly proficient at caregiving so feel lost without it. It’s also an unexpected loss; no one really tells you that you’ll feel adrift without your caregiving responsibilities. It’s the emptiness in the day’s schedule at the time that care took place. It’s the regular trip to the grocery but returning home with fewer groceries. It’s the empty shelf in the closet that once held caregiving supplies. It’s the change, one after another one after another one.
When caregiving ends, we need just as much care and support as we do during the caregiving experience. I hope you will join us August 3 through 7 for our Beginning Again Retreat. You’ll connect with presenters who have cared for a family member and have re-started their days and their lives. They’ll share what worked for them so you can decide what could work for you. Voids are part of the after-caregiving days. We just don’t want one of those voids to include lack of support for you.
Learn more about our event: https://www.careyearsacademy.com/retreat/