Why asking "How can I help?" is the least helpful thing you can do (and what you should do instead)

Two years ago, I learned a hard lesson.

I was in a new Head of Growth role and facing a lot of new challenges. I wanted to help offload some of the CEO's workload and understand what I could do that would make the most impact.

So, I did what most people do:

I asked the CEO, "How can I help?"

...and, to be honest, I was a little shocked at his response.

See, instead of just answering my question or giving me a list, he firmly (but graciously ??) pushed back on me asking the question in the first place — He demonstrated how asking "How can I help?" is actually one of the least helpful things I could have done, and recommended a better approach.

At the time I was quite taken aback, but now that I'm in a similar position, I completely get it.

As a matter of fact, now that I've been tracking it, I've been quite surprised at how common the practice of asking "How can I help?" is, and I wanted to publish something to help others learn the same lesson I learned — because I genuinely believe replacing this practice has the potential to improve everything from your cold email response rates to the odds of you getting a promotion.

Why do we ask "How can I help?"

Well, it's obvious that we want to help, right?

We're all well meaning people, and we want to be helpful and provide value to others.

...but there's another reason why we ask this question in particular:

?? Because it's easy.

Asking "How can I help?" requires zero prep, zero prior knowledge, zero deep thought, and almost zero initiative. (Heck, sometimes we ask the question hoping for a "nothing" response, don't we? ??)

...and this is a hint at the problem:

The problem with "How can I help?" as a question

Asking "How can I help?" takes near-zero effort from you. It puts all the onus on the other person.

Let's think through the process together.

When you ask "How can I help?" the other person has to:

1. Stop what they're doing (...and, as Dr. Gloria Mark found, it takes us an average of 23 mins and 15 seconds to regain focus after we get distracted)
2. Generate a list of all of the tasks where they could possibly need help
3. Think about which of those tasks would be suitable to pass to you

This process could easily take 10-15 minutes to perform well.

Then, since the askee is often the one who has the knowledge of the task, they have to spend additional time getting you the required information and instruction so you can actually complete the task.

This often means they're spending more time — generating the list of tasks, determining the best task for you, and then getting you the resources you need to complete the task — than they'd actually spend completing the actual task themselves!

...just because you asked a "quick" question!

Not at all what you intended, right?

Me either...but intent doesn't change outcome.

What to do instead of asking "How can I help?"

Sorry, this might not be the easy answer you were hoping for, but here's what you should really do if you want to be helpful:

1. Understand the goals of the person you want to help (?? This would actually be a more useful set of questions)
2. Generate a list of tasks you could complete that would help this person achieve his or her goals
3. Propose the list of tasks to the person you're trying to help

As an example, instead of asking a busy CEO, "How can I help?" you could instead say,

"I see we have a revenue goal of $X this year, but we're currently sitting at $Y. Here are five things I believe could help us achieve that goal of $X. Which makes the most sense to you to pursue?"

Now, maybe the CEO dislikes all of your ideas (a very legit possibility ??), at the very least, you've shown that you've put in the effort to consider the situation.

Furthermore, your suggestions may help spur some ideas that the CEO hadn't considered yet (even if he or she disagrees with your particular implementation).

Note: At this point, you maybe thinking "Ugh, but that would take so much effort!" If this is you, go re-read that "Problem" section, above and really think about what you're trying to accomplish. If you just want to look helpful, then just ask away, but you'll probably have a limited tenure. ??♂? Plain and simple. If you want to be helpful, you need to put in the work.

So, how can I help?

Just kidding. ?? I wrote this article. That's how I (hopefully) helped you.

If you want to help me back, please drop a 'like' or 'comment,' so I can justify the 26 minutes and 32 seconds I took to write this article by showing my kids that I'm famous on LinkedIn.

Oh, and send me a connection request if you're a cool person and we're not connected yet. Don't do it if you're lame though...or if you're trying to sell me leads.

All the best,

-Jim