Why The Art of War is in Our Bookcase ... (It's not what you think)

A few days ago, we posted an article from Bloomberg.com about a ‘genius banker’ who ‘lost’ $225 million in a divorce ‘battle.’ We noted that ‘we at MFLG never use the words winner and loser in divorce and family law matters, but …’

Most of our Facebook blog posts emphasize this, overtly or tangentially. We’ve posted a blog piece from a colleague in North Carolina whose practice revolves almost exclusively around mediation. She consistently stresses that family law should never be approached as a zero-sum game (she works with a lot of tech people), it’s not the Super Bowl.

However, we just posted – on Facebook and LinkedIn – a video from Paul McConnell explaining that Sun Tzu’s The Art of War is one of ‘the two most important books in our library.’

So, you may ask, how can we reconcile The Art of War with not using the words win or lose in all their tenses? How can we reconcile our philosophy that divorces aren’t to be ‘won’ with Sun Tzu’s centuries old advice on how to win a war?

Well, it’s much easier than you may think. The Art of War is more – much more – than a treatise on how to win a battle. Despite the fact that it’s constantly cited by generals and hedge fund managers and CEOs and politicians, The Art of War is as much about philosophy; avoiding, managing and surviving conflict; creating peace, as it is about battles.

The Art of War is full of skillful strategies of intervention to minimize unnecessary confrontation. As well as complete with warnings about needlessly escalating conflict. One of the most quoted, but unfortunately least followed, tenants is: He who wishes to fight must first count the cost.

This, perhaps, is the most important thing we as family law attorneys can convey to clients contemplating taking their matter to litigation. As surely Sun Tzu realized, cost is measured far beyond dollars – it’s time, stress, emotional toll, much more. ‘Count the cost.’

Then, there’s this, perhaps Sun Tzu’s overriding precept: ‘The true object of war is peace’. The application of this to family law is, of course, clear – every client who comes to us is seeking peace, someplace, somehow. Getting there is the final goal of any family law matter.

How best to do so? Sun Tzu is explicit: “In all history, there is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare. Only one who knows the disastrous effects of a long war can realize the supreme importance of rapidly bringing it to a close.”

Obviously, we hope, no one benefits from prolonged divorce proceedings. We certainly know that, we certainly impart that to our clients.

Once involved in conflict, The Art of War, has pages of strategic advice … truisms, really. Several of these are vitally important in any family law matter:

“Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.” There is, simply, nothing worse than intemperate language, threats, red-lines, ultimatums, groundless accusations and/or legal attacks. They cloud the issues, cause the parties to dig in, create animosities that can kill future relationships, have long lasting repercussions that aren’t readily apparent in the heat of the moment. Which, come to think of it, is what Sun Tzu is really warning about – don’t act, ever, in the heat of the moment.

“To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting;” and, “The skillful leader subdues the enemy's troops without any fighting.” These are explicit in their own rights – fighting is always the last resort. True skill, true excellence, is in settling a dispute without shedding a drop of blood.

“When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. For you should not press a desperate foe too hard.” Again, this speaks for itself. Especially in family law. Allowing the other party to withdraw gracefully, to retain some dignity … well, it goes a long, long way.

There’s a lot more to Sun Tzu’s philosophy and tactical and strategic advice. It’s really all about being ‘wise, sincere, benevolent, and courageous.’ And, ready. In peace prepare for war, in war prepare for peace.

There you have it, a few of the very many reasons The Art of War is one of the two most important books in our office bookcase.