why aren't we telling the truth?

Lately, I've been noodling authenticity.

I've been asking myself, what does authenticity mean to me? Where in my life am I authentic? Where am I inauthentic?

For the latter, I dig even deeper.

What forces are at play that are leading to this inauthenticity? What's it costing me? And most importantly, what's it going to take for me to fully step into my truth?

After many conversations and countless nights laying awake thinking about this, I came to this important realization.

The strongest force holding me back from fully embracing my authentic self is my desire to be liked. Yikes.

Sitting with the possibility of being disliked is heart-wrenching. My stomach churns even as I write this. It's a physically uncomfortable experience to envision this, let alone experience it.

I've learned that I'm not alone. Humans are wired for connection and belonging. It's been essential for our survival as a species. But the experience that I witness in today's era goes beyond human evolution. There are layers of socio-cultural norms combined with the age of social media that compound what seems to be a very natural human trait.

The problem is that this yearning for acceptance from others is actually blocking me from what I desire most - deep, intimate relationships.

Again, I know I'm not alone in this boat. Chronic loneliness is in abundance across the globe - particularly with adults. We continue to display varying caricatures of ourselves, especially on social media, with a low-grade desire for acceptance from those around us. We have less and fewer honest conversations with each other - both in the workplace and at home. Pretending that everything is okay when it's really not. And the harsh truth is, it's making us sick at an emotional, mental, and physical level.

What I find most interesting in my reflection is that I see the dissonance so clearly amongst the human and heart-centered community. It's a strange paradox - because the very thing we say we are is also the thing we are not.

authenticity and truth telling

A relationship that is ruptured beyond repair. One of the core fears of a relational human.

Relational humans value connection above all else. They seek out deep, meaningful connections. The thought of losing this is earth shattering.

It's not just about losing the connection. It's about what losing the connection means. Ruptures can stir up feelings of unworthiness, inadequate, and worst of all, shame.

[protective mechanisms have entered the chat]?

Relational people have certain tendencies that, at the surface, are quite charming. They are pleasant. Often agreeable. Quick to smooth over rough patches.

But on the inside, they are doing personality gymnastics. They prioritize other people's comfort over saying what they really think or asking for what they need. They say yes, when they are a no.

Here comes the pickle.

These tendencies are the very thing that prevent cultivating depth in their relationships.

You see, niceness aims for comfort, while love demands honesty.

Plain and simple - masking the truth makes you disingenuous.?And how can we build deep, intimate relationships on such a foundation?

Being authentic and speaking the truth requires taking a risk. A risk that the very connection you hold dear may be ruptured. And the slight possibility that the rupture may be beyond repair.

In other words, to say what you really mean is a call for you to be vulnerable. To put your heart on the line. And to risk those yucky feelings of not-enough-ness being provoked (even if at a cognitive level, you know those feelings do not equate with the truth).

Yet, there is a beauty in truth telling. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable helps us see the humanity in one another. Being able to witness our imperfections is part of the human experience.

your reflection

• What truth have you been clutching onto tightly?
• How often do you find yourself dwelling on things left unsaid after a conversation?
• What aspect of yourself are you hesitant to reveal to those closest to you?
• What fear lurks behind the mask you wear?
• What could you achieve by embracing your authenticity?
• Who might you transform into?
• And how would that make you feel?

ready to go deeper?

Single 90-minute leadership coaching sessions are now available for heart-centered leaders that are seeking support in deepening their impact with greater ease and flow. Schedule yours today!

from my heart to yours,