Why appreciating is so difficult

Every person lives in the self imagined world of their own. In this world they carry an image of self in which they are the most intelligent, good looking, attractive, wise, one with the best world view on most subjects etc. in short they are the most important living being on planet. They will hear, believe and do all that is in conformity and re-enforce  their self-image and they will resist, criticize and disapprove all that is not in line with their self-image. This self-image is vital for continued belief on oneself and confidence to meet challenges faced on day to day basis. That is the reason whenever they are proved otherwise a sense of inadequacy is felt and self image and confidence tanks for short or long term.  

The process of generating self image, kind of solidifies during the teenage. It is important to note that till an individual forms an self-image, they do not display any hesitation to appreciate. That is the reason why children readily appreciate each other verbally or otherwise. However as they reach their 20's and thereafter it becomes increasingly difficult for individuals to appreciate each other. Though this image of self goes through iterations as individual identifies limitations of self in various facets of life and work. Even then at the core it remains unchanged.  

It has at least two valid reasons. One, appreciating others goes contrary his own self image i.e. an appreciation is acknowledgement of their inadequacy. Hence, most of the time appreciation from an adult does not appear to be genuine as that individual is indulged in an internal battle to reconcile and reestablish their own self-image. It is important to note, this problem is inversely proportionate to how strongly the person is related, connected and approachable to the individual getting appreciation. E.g. we find it easy to appreciate a unconnected football, cricket, movie star as compared to someone with similar skills in family, in neighborhood, in office or in friend circle. 

Second reason, why adults find it difficult to acknowledge and appreciate is fear of unforeseen consequences of such appreciation. Mostly appreciation in adult world is motive driven. Here every appreciation is a transaction. Take a scenario, a young man communicates his appreciation to a beautiful girl. There are consequences for both parties involved. If girl is receptive and reciprocate, it may rightly or wrongly convey a message of her willingness to be his partner. If appreciation is not adequately acknowledged, than it would damage the self-image of the young man leading to short term or long term trauma of unacceptability. It requires courage to appreciate. Courage is not for communicating an appreciation but to able to withstand if such appreciation fails to yield required result and to start painful re-calibration of self image.

In corporate world it plays more dramatically. One would find, heaps of appreciation for a person on their farewell because it has no consequence for employees who are continuing with the organization. One would also find , bosses generally guard themselves from appreciating subordinates to avoid, building expectations among reporting line about getting better hike and advancement possibilities. However, boss may say great words about the same individual on during farewell address as it will have no consequence. Same rule plays for exchange of appreciation among colleagues. By appreciating the other colleague one would harm personal chances for advancement. However, once a colleague leaves the organisation their contribution would be more openly acknowledged and appreciated.

So, when it comes to appreciation naivety of childhood, courage to re-calibrate self-image and deliberate attempt to not think of consequences is required. It is so tragic to note that when we come across such individuals, we label them either as naive, immature or as too good to take up higher responsibility and survive in this so called cruel world.