Why am I so nervous about retirement?

For years on each of my family vacations I would think about how much more we can travel after we stop working. All the places we can see around the world.

I would think about how much fun it would be to spend more than a week in any given location – can you imagine spending a month in Italy or 3 months in Australia? No need to rush from 1 activity to the next, cramming as much as possible into our limited time. We could relax and enjoy the adventure!

Each summer when we are overwhelmed with yard work (my husband is an avid gardener, and we almost always have a landscape project each summer) I think about how much better it will be when we don’t have to work around our jobs.

These are the kinds of things many people think about when we consider our retirement. All the positive aspects of getting an extra 40 hours (or more) per week to do what we want with.

We have kind of a vague idea of what we think we will enjoy doing.

But Retirement isn’t what you think.

Phase 1 – Enjoy the Freedom!

The first phase of retirement is the honeymoon phase where all our dreams can come true. This phase usually lasts 6 – 12 months. It is what we have been envisioning:

FREEDOM!

We enjoy not having to get up with the alarm clock, not having to go to boring meetings and not having to listen to a boss. We can do what we want, when we want and with the people we enjoy most. It is exhilarating!

We can rest and recover from a life of too many competing priorities.

For many this is the first time in our lives when we have enough money to do the things we want to do and the time available to do them.

Jump in and enjoy it!!

Another aspect of this phase is that we are probably still fairly healthy.

Take advantage of this and do the more strenuous, adventurous things now. Climb that mountain, learn to dive, or golf every day. Whatever you have dreamed of doing, take advantage of this opportunity.

But eventually we realize there is more to life.

We discover there is a big difference between being busy and having a purpose.

Phase 2 – Why am I not as happy as I “should” be?

At first all that freedom is wonderful but then you begin to ask yourself, “Is this all there is?”

This is the phase where we experience anxiety, fear and perhaps depression.

You may be thinking, “What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy? I have been waiting all my adult life for this.”

What most of us don’t realize is when we stop working there are things we are going to lose that significantly impact us:

Routine – As humans we do better when we have a sense of routine.?? It turns out that need for a schedule doesn’t go away as we get older. A job provides an enforced routine and when that is gone it can be a struggle to prioritize.? We may lose focus and motivation.

While many of us look forward to this loss of routine we are not ready for the psychological impact it has.

Identity – When you go to a social function with people you don’t know what is one of the ‘go to’ questions? “What do you do?” How do we answer that after we are retired? For anyone whose whole identity is tied up with what they do for a living the loss of their job can be traumatic.

It doesn’t matter that it is a planned loss or that we have been looking forward to it for years – it is still a loss that needs to be dealt with.

Relationships – A job provides social interactions that don’t require any effort from us.

Studies have shown that people who are employed have about 22 meaningful social interactions each week.? That means in person contact. It may be a meeting or just chatting with the person on the other side of the cube, but it is a social interaction. Those same studies show that once we retire that number is cut in half to 11 and those interactions are often virtual – much less meaningful.

The loss of a social network can be devastating. The mental health effects of loneliness have been widely documented. Feeling isolated affects our whole being and can lead to depression, substance abuse and other destructive habits.

This loss is completely unexpected for many of us. It will be vital to rebuild your social network outside of your job.

Purpose – What gets you out of bed in the morning? For many it is our job. It provides a sense of purpose. A reason to be somewhere, even when it isn’t necessarily where we want to be. When we stop working and don’t replace it with something else that we are passionate about we can lose our focus.

When we ask ourselves, why am I here and don’t have an answer, that is a problem.

Power – Our culture is biased towards the younger generation. Have you seen the insurance commercials that make fun of turning into your parents? Some of them are hilarious, until you realize they assume that as we age, we lose touch and are unable to interact effectively with the world.

This loss of power can be subtle. That dismissive look from a clerk when we fumble for our wallet, or the heavy sigh from a child when we search for the right word. For those that were executives the loss of power is even stronger. We are no longer considered experts in the field and our opinions may be dismissed out of hand.

Before we move on, I want to remind you that everyone goes through phase 2. Even if you read this entire book, do all the exercises and walk away with a solid plan – you will still experience phase 2. It is a mental and emotional phase that cannot be completely avoided.

Retirement is a big change, and it takes time to adjust. Understanding that we will mourn the loss of our career and may struggle with some of the other aspects of this change can go a long way toward helping us cope.

To help with this there is more information later in this book that is designed to help you build resiliency into your life so that you are better able to handle the changes that will come naturally throughout your life.

Phase 3 – Time to Try New Things!

The third phase is one of exploration.

As we search for something new to give our life meaning again, we can explore a range of new activities. We may discover, or rediscover, what we are passionate about. This is the time where we may take existing hobbies to a whole new level and really dive in.

This phase is also a time of trial and error. ?Not everything we try will work out for us, but we keep going and experimenting.

It is important not to give up if something doesn’t work out as it can be easy to slip back into the depression or anxiety of phase 2.

We finally have the time to do all those things we wanted to do when we were younger, but now, hopefully, we have the money to do them.

The third phase is where many people stop growing in their retirement. As they try new things, they fill their life with fun and once again have a purpose for getting out of bed each day. They have found meaning and feel needed again. These new activities can provide the missing structure, social interactions, and positive reinforcement we missed from our jobs.

We find satisfaction in what we are doing.

For some, this isn’t quite enough, and they keep pushing to reach stage 4.

Phase 4 -Who am I now?

Phase four is the reinvention phase. Not everyone makes it this far, but those that do are often the happiest retirees.

This is where we have recovered the 4 losses (Routine, Relationship, Purpose, Power) with a new identity. We don’t just have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, we have a passion that propels us each day.

For most people this involves some type of service. That doesn’t mean endless hours of volunteering, but some type of activity in service to others.

You no longer need to trade time for money, now you can trade time for satisfaction.

Retirement will offer you the opportunity to pursue anything.

That is the beauty of this phase, you can make the choices that are right for you and that bring you joy. Whatever you choose to do you can focus on using your talents to support that cause or passion. There is no wrong answer here and it will be different for everyone.

In this final phase you have reinvented yourself and discovered a purpose that launches you out of bed every morning.

(This has been an excerpt from my upcoming book - The Blank Page: Building a Retirement of Passion and Purpose.)

THANK YOU!!

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read the ugly first version of my book. I can really see how much better it is because of your feedback.

Preselling will begin very soon - with a publish date in May.

I look forward to changing the world, 1 retirement at a time.