Why Am I Resisting a Change I Want to Make?

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If you've been following my newsletter since the beginning, this article may strike you as familiar. Why am I reprising this topic? This topic is coming up everywhere I turn. Without exception, everyone I coach feels one or more of the following: buried, stuck, undervalued, or trapped.

People WANT to make a change to feel unburied (for example, set better boundaries), unstuck (have that hard conversation with their manager), valued (reframe self-promotion), and untrapped (step into their values and priorities).

A common theme that comes up in almost all of my coaching is some level of resistance to change.?A simple example in my own life is that I KNOW I feel better when I’m active.?I have years of historical data that tells me I feel best when running 3 to 5 times a week and eating well.??And yet, I find myself NOT doing this. Why??It’s not a lack of education.?I know full well what is best for me.?My own experience corroborates what the experts say – the evidence is overwhelming.?The resistance goes much deeper than education.

There is a model that helps me better understand my resistance.?It’s called the Beckhard-Harris Change Model, and it states: D x V x F > R.?The premise of this model is that to overcome our resistance to change (R), we need a combination of high enough dissatisfaction (D) with our current state, a clear enough vision (V) of our preferred future, and clear first steps (F) to achieve that vision.?

In the relatively simple case of my inactivity, the answer is found in V.? I’m pretty dissatisfied (D) with my current state - feeling winded when I ascend a flight of stairs.??And I have clear next steps (F) - put on my running shoes and... take those first steps! I know I can feel better in the future if I do this consistently, but I don't have a clear enough vision (V) of my ideal state to overcome the resistance (R) of sleeping in.?

But what about when the change is more complex??A few years ago, I found myself in a career that I didn’t love but also didn’t hate.?I was reasonably good at my job, knew how to get stuff done, knew the players, and liked most people.?I didn’t find my work particularly fulfilling, but I wasn’t high enough on D to take action.?In addition, I didn’t know what fulfilling work looked like (V) or how to take a step in that direction (F).?

What happened next was that I moved into a role that I wasn’t wired for.?It didn’t play to my strengths; I didn’t know how to get stuff done, and I didn’t know the players.?While I climbed the learning curve of this new role, I felt more and more like a fish out of water.?D had increased – big time.?However, V and F were still too low, so – similar to the fitness example – I felt paralyzed to make a change despite my high dissatisfaction.?

Enter my coach.?An empathetic listener who took the time to get to know me, bring perspective, and offer insights about myself I couldn’t yet see.?Only with my coach’s help could I develop the V and F (to go with my well-developed D) to enable me to overcome my resistance to change – and take action.?

If you have a change you've been wanting - or needing - to make, and you've found it surprisingly difficult, D x V x F > R will shed some light on what's causing it so hard to create and sustain that change. Do you have a clear vision of your preferred future? Do you have clear next steps?

Thank you for being a part of the "Craft Your Path to Career Joy" community.?

My passion is to help leaders navigate transitions and love their careers.? If you want to learn more about my work, please check out ?scottegbertcoaching.com.