Why am I finding socialising so hard right now?

Lockdowns are being relaxed all over the world (we hope for longer than just a few weeks), which means we're being allowed out to see friends and family, go to restaurants, pubs and even see live music. 

While the feeling of life without restrictions has been greeted with joy, for many of us, there's a niggling feeling that something doesn't quite feel right. 

Whether it's an awkwardness around socialising, an unease around being in crowds, or a general fatigue when you're out of the house for more than a few hours, there's a growing body of evidence suggesting a return to normality might be trickier than we think.  

Reopening Anxiety

A recent report published by the American Psychological Association, found almost half of Americans surveyed felt “uneasy about adjusting to in-person interaction” after the pandemic. The numbers didn't change among the vaccinated either. 

Nearly half of adults said that they did “not feel comfortable going back to living life like they used to before the pandemic.”

What's going on? “Our social muscles have atrophied,” says Priya Parker, the author of The Art of Gathering (find a link in the read more section below). 

Parker, who specializes in conflict-resolution, believes when groups go through transformational experiences - like being locked away for more than a year - the first few steps after that initial experience are often riddled with anxiety. 

The process by which we rejoin a society or form new social habits is called "re-entry".  “There’s extraordinary anxiety in that phase, and it’s not illogical or irrational anxiety.”

Trivial questions like, "do I need to bring my mask," to "should I say yes to a social invitation" take on an almost existential experience that makes us wonder where we fit in the world. 

Arthur Bregman, a psychologist calls this phenomenon “cave syndrome,” and Bergman believes it can affect introverts and extroverts.  

"Caveman syndrome occurs when people become attached to this Covid-19 situation. Not attached to the virus itself of course but attached to the home, the anxiety of uncertainty, and its effects on our daily lives."

In some instances, said Berman, it can mimic the effects of Stockholm Syndrome. 

With Stockholm syndrome, a hostage might start to feel a sort of rapport for the hostage-takers. They begin to identify with their captors and rely on them for comfort. The home, and the familiar fear of uncertainty, start to become a dysfunctional habit of life. But the good news is, these feelings don't have to be a life sentence. 

Buddy up

One of the most successful techniques people have found in overcoming these feelings has been when we find someone else who feels the same and we work together to overcome the issue. 

"Someone who will gently and kindly press an individual to leave their comfort zone. It’s not just a one-way street either. A mutually beneficial relationship could result, for example," says Bergman.

Another technique is called Graded Exposure: where we gradually introduce a stressful or anxiety-invoking experience and give our brains time to adjust to that level of anxiety so that it becomes normal. 

It could be something small like taking a bus ride instead of driving, or seeing one friend for lunch rather than four. 

Our brains are fantastically adaptable things. They did incredibly well at adapting to life in lockdown, and they'll do similarly well in helping us find a new normal after COVID is long gone.  

Ok, where can I learn more?

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