Why allyship matters to me...

To me, leadership means being true to your values, even when your position is not the prevailing view.

I've found myself in this position numerous times in life, and at work, and each time I've never regretted listening to the pull and direction my values gave me because they kept me true and I ended up on the right side of the argument.

As I've mentioned in the past I believe leadership and popularity are not mutually exclusive but also aren't necessarily contemporaneous.

It's with that lens I wanted to explore in this week's edition an area in recent years I've used both my personal and professional platform to champion.

This idea of male allyship.

In my professional life, I've sadly seen far too many women who have suffered at the hands of men.

Victims.

I spent the best part of a decade involved in the police misconduct system in England & Wales. I spent over four years as Director for London at the Independent Office for Police Conduct, which is the independent body that investigates the most serious forms of police misconduct. In this role, I had oversight of the Metropolitan Police Service.

It's fair to say a lot happened in my tenure, involving the Metropolitan Police and high-profile cases involving issues that shook public confidence in this service. Issues around racism and various forms of discrimination were prevalent, but it was the issue of misogyny that was relevant to this conversation.

I have seen so many cases where women were the victims of male police officers, and the scale of this was a truly horrific one. From the murder of Sarah Everhard by Wayne Couzens, to the two police officers taking selfies at the scene of the murder of Nicole Smallman and Bibba Henry, to the everyday misogyny in Operation Hotton which made the lives of many female officers in the Metropolitan Police miserable at the time.

A few years ago I started looking more closely at myself on this issue of misogyny. I had always considered myself to be progressive and someone who had a good awareness of the issues women had to deal with and face.

I was wrong. I didn't.

That was my ego whispering nice things to me when the truth of it was I just didn't have a good enough understanding of what those issues were and what they felt like on a daily level. I mean how could I have as a man? So I set about building that understanding up in safe spaces, with my family trying to understand those things better that frankly as a man I was oblivious to. I also started to read up, and this notion of how men can be part of the solution through their active allyship.

Because of the work I dealt with professionally, I considered it a dual responsibility to understand the issue of misogyny better but also as a man with a senior position in the system at the time what could I do about it? And so it was at this point I decided I just had to do something about this, not quite sure what but something.

This was when I tentatively took my first steps toward becoming an active male ally, and bringing this idea more openly into policing through my role.

I learned and grew as I traveled down this road, yes there were mistakes but I noticed I was given grace for these because my intention came across as sincere and I also tried really hard not to kick myself too hard for these- normally there was a queue waiting to do that for me, so why do it to myself?

I won't necessarily go into all the work I did with policing except to say, that it was a lonely place at the time but so many amazing women involved in policing supported me and what I was trying to do then. They know who they are.

Despite leaving that role last year, the passion and need for men to be active allies to women on the issues of male violence against women and girls and misogyny is as strong as ever, and you may have seen me use my platform on LinkedIn to speak about this.

But, when you are trying to demonstrate any sort of leadership on an issue, particularly on a topic like this it's never an exact science, and people continually throw bricks. Leaving aside the toxicity that can come with saying unpalatable things ( for some) I always feel there's still a responsibility to evaluate and calibrate your approach.

And this is what I do constantly. The importance of male allyship is something I won't stop speaking about (or working on), because the sad truth is, that as a man my voice isn't that common in this arena and therefore it resonates differently.

To lead outside of self-interest is a tough space, so to everyone who is doing this right now, on whatever issue that might be, please look after yourselves.

Love and light to you all.

An indicator of a toxic culture is that work-life boundaries are consistently not respected by management. There is an expectancy of regularly working beyond contracted hours.

And when attempts are made to erect these important boundaries, it very quickly becomes an issue...for you.

It's worth reflecting on, who and why they have an issue.

Recognise this?

Well then, it's time to break free.

“If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

Lilla Watson

Wishing everyone the best week ahead.

Sal

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#FindingYourTrueNorth #WeRiseByLiftingEachOther