Why Allyship Matters

Like many others, I have long been a private supporter of family, friends and colleagues from the LGBTQ+ community. Raised in Georgia, in the heart of the Bible Belt, I found support of the LGBTQ+ community to be a natural extension of The Golden Rule that I was taught since childhood Sunday school classes. For some, faith is cited as an obstacle to acceptance but for me, my faith compelled me to love and respect others for who they naturally are, not to condemn. For most of my life, I did so quietly, through word and deed, to those around me. I felt that the best way to be an advocate, and a creator of an environment of acceptance, was to simply live it daily.

That changed in the early hours of June 12th, 2016 when a gunman targeted the LGBTQ+ community and killed 49 people in an Orlando night club. I awoke that Sunday morning and was shocked to the core that this heinous crime would be committed against a community of people based on who they are and whom they choose to love. My thoughts immediately turned to the LGBTQ+ members of my team who would awaken to the same news, feeling more targeted, unsafe and alone. I was compelled to do something, so I wrote an email to all employees in our North American office. I won’t repeat the entire email, but its essence is captured in the below paragraph:

“We have almost 300 wonderful professionals in our North American operation. Many are members of the LGBTQ+ community. Some publicly; others privately; all cherished. We want you to know we love you, we support you and we stand with you against this evil act.”

I sent the email without thought of approval or response. I simply wanted friends and colleagues from the LGBTQ+ community to feel supported. But, the unintended consequences of it changed my views forever. The email unleashed authentic emotions from our team in a manner I’d never experienced before in the workplace. Not only did I receive emails, texts and calls of appreciation from members of the LGBTQ+ community, but I received multitudes of equally supportive responses from the heterosexual community. They spoke to me of their concerns for their siblings, children, friends and colleagues who were members of the LGBTQ+ community and for whom they deeply cared. The message to me was clear – thank you for publicly and personally standing-up for them. Please keep it up.

For me, that was the day I went from being an ally, to an Ally; one who visibly and vocally supports the LGBTQ+ community. Every step since, my Ally journey has reinforced to me why public Allyship is so important and needed from all of us. 

As the Executive Ally to SchOUT, I’ve had the privilege to engage with dozens of our most talented and committed LGBTQ+ professionals. They shared heartbreaking stories of rejection by family members and friends when they came out. They shared the challenges of working in jurisdictions that did not recognize equal rights of companionship or even criminalized them. They shared the difficulties of starting families as same-sex couples. And as I travelled as an ambassador of the firm, I heard similar stories from people outside of our firm. At a dinner where I was asked to discuss our corporate diversity efforts, I was privileged to inadvertently connect two women who had known each other for years, never realizing they both shared a common bond as mothers to children who came out as LGBTQ+. During that dinner they opened up to me and to each other about the challenges they faced in helping their children gain acceptance amongst family, friends and even themselves. A simple conversation of how important equality was to us, as a firm, gave two mothers an opportunity to share and connect in a way they had not before. 

Amid the recounting of pain and difficulty, I’ve also witnessed the most amazing joy and gratefulness for the progress made and the confidence in better days ahead. And that is justified.

In North America, the UK, Australia and the majority of South America and Europe; same sex marriages are allowed or recognized. Benefits equality for both healthcare and family leave are now increasingly the norm in the US and Canada, and progressive companies are raising the bar on the quality of those benefits to ensure an ability to attract and retain talent. And within the faith-based community, major denominations are evolving. Both of the denominations of my childhood – the Lutheran Church and the Methodist Church – have taken stances in recent years to make recognition of LGBTQ+ equality the norm, rather than the outlier. While this continues to propel schisms in congregations; when given the choice, the majority choose inclusion over exclusion.

These advancements have occurred with the support of Allies from the heterosexual community. The “Better Days Ahead” won’t happen unless we continually commit to make them a reality. There is still much work to be done all over the world to ensure that the advancements universally continue. This is not only the responsibility of the LGBTQ+ community, but also heterosexual allies. If you want to find ways to get involved, start by going to your company’s LGBTQ+ employee resource group and ask how you can help. If you don’t work at a place with such a group – I recommend the work of OUTLeadership. They have great resources that can help eager allies make a positive impact.

This month, as we celebrate the life of one of our greatest Americans, Dr. Martin Luther King, I am reminded of two of Dr. King’s great poignancies: “In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” -and- “The time is always right to do what is right.” Like so many of Dr. King’s words, they are powerful in their eloquence, truth and universality.

I look forward to the day when who we are and who we love is universally accepted. I’m sure that day will come, and my children and their children will ask why the presumption of acceptance was ever in doubt. But we aren’t there yet and we won’t get there without sustained effort. Until that day comes, I will remain a public Ally.

I hope you will be too.