Why achievers hold grudges - and tips to let go.

When you've built a successful career, juggled family, responsibilities and dealt with the barriers that society throws your way; when someone betrays you, overlooks you, or undermines your effort, it's personal.

Holding grudges is a form of protection.

The resentment can feel justified. It can be a way of saying, “I won’t let you win. I won’t let you do this again.”

A grudge can feel like strength, keeping you in control. But in reality, it’s the opposite.

Maybe you’ve been passed over for promotions or faced gender bias in a male-dominated space. Maybe you've had to work twice as hard for half the recognition, and the people around you don’t seem to notice or care. That kind of frustration builds up over time. It feels like strength but this is draining.

Every time you relive the moment that hurt you, you’re giving power to the past. You’re carrying around a weight that’s stopping you from being fully present and fully powerful.

Forgiveness is misunderstood.

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrongs done to you.

It’s not about pretending everything’s fine.

It’s about letting go of the emotional grip it has on you.

I tell my clients, “You can forgive, but never forget.” Forgiveness isn’t erasing the past. It’s deciding that your peace and power are more important than holding onto the pain.

You're not saying what happened was okay—you’re saying that it doesn’t control you anymore.

Remember the lesson, not the pain. The lesson becomes your source of wisdom.

As someone who has a background of over 30 years in the mental health field, I'm all about how we empower each other with our incredible 'hero journeys'. Here this week's episode with @DaraMckinley on forgiveness. LINK IN COMMENTS

How Do You Stop Holding Grudges?

It starts with a simple question: Is this pain serving me?

Take a moment to really think about that.

Is the grudge you’re holding giving you anything positive? Chances are that it's just draining your energy.

Understand that holding on is costing you more than anyone else you start to see a different perspective.

The pain isn’t a shield—it’s a prison. And the moment you realize that, you’ve taken the first step toward.

Forgive, but don't forget.

Forgiving isn’t about them—it’s about you.

It’s about choosing peace over your past; deciding that your energy is better spent creating a life that fulfills you, rather than carrying the weight of what hurt you.

What if you redirected that negative energy toward building your business, deepening your relationships, or finding more joy in your life?

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means releasing.

You don’t forgive to make the other person feel better. You forgive to free yourself.

Letting Go is the Real Power

When you've faced gender bias, unequal pay, unfair treatment, and betrayals, resentment can feel well earned, but grudges you hold aren’t protecting you—they’re limiting you.

Letting go allows you to move forward with more freedom, more energy, and more power.

What could you achieve if you weren’t tethered to past pain?

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It’s the ultimate form of self-care. It’s deciding that your future matters more than your past.

So, the next time you find yourself holding onto a grudge, ask yourself: Is this worth my energy? When you realize it’s not the real transformation begins.

Are you ready to reclaim your power?

My clients—professionals, creatives, influencers, business owners, c-suite executives, coaches, and high performing women who want more — all understand that the most significant barriers they face are often the ones they set for themselves. My joy is helping others challenge the status quo, break free from old narratives, and become aligned with your truest self. Would it be too bold to suggest we have a conversations? It could be one of those rare moments that changes everything.

Let's connect

This week:

THE WEEKLY PODCAST: AGING WITH PURPOSE AND PASSION: As a coach who empowers women, I’m drawn to our challenging stories because they remind me of a fundamental truth: struggle is part of the journey. These motivational conversations inspire us to step into our own power. And when one woman rises, she lifts others up too. This week's episode @DanaMcKinley - Forgiveness LINK IN COMMENTS

THIS WEEK'S PODCAST: Discover Aging With Purpose and Passion everywhere. ITUNES LINK IN COMMENTS

ARTICLES: Kuel Life the magazine to normalize aging LINE IN COMMENTS

THE HOUR OF EMPOWER #LinkedInlive with Donald Cohen TUESDAYS at 11:00 ET