Whose sorrow is greater yours or mine

"????? ???? ?? ???? ?? ????? ????? ?? ???? ??" , it roughly translates to "you have seen your sorrow, how little have you seen". In a recent much needed and awaited trip to Rishikesh, I experienced this. I experienced wrath of a person in extreme pain. Unwanted, uncalled for, and I let it go. Because at that moment, when someone is experiencing anger they aren't in a position to understand you or your point of view. Because they are simply not listening to what you are trying to say. I will narrate the incident because I want to. Because it feels like a thought stuck in my throat and I need to speak it out, maybe to the sea crashing waves, maybe that will have the power to bear my pain.

Our last morning, at the place we were staying and I was trying to figure out what to eat. As a parent, you need to first settle down the children, Fill in their plates so that if possible you can sit and eat in peace. That was all I wanted, peace, that was the reason for the trip. For mind to be quite.. you see the water of the mighty Ganges is so cold that for some moments you become numb. It was for the numbness I went, beside hoping ke kuch paap bhi dhul jayenge.. (don't feel like translating it... )

This old person on a wheel chair starts shouting. The person was angry, because of mis-behavior of the hotel staff. To every shout, every complain the person was making I agreed in my head. But I couldn't bear the noise it was creating. Havoc it raised. I couldn't eat, forget peace. Opposite to me others were sitting unfazed, in peace enjoying their meals. And I started having a panic attack.

No longer able to bear, I went and politely asked the person to calm down. I mentioned, I have clinical anxiety and this non stop shouting which then had been going on for 15 minutes is making me nervous. To that the person rebuked, so what I have cancer. And I just kept quite knowing well that my clinical anxiety appears petty to the person because the person has cancer. At that moment, I couldn't do anything about the cancer the person has. But the person could, lower the voice and help me. And well that didn't happen. Anger justifies all bad behavior... you may learn hard way it doesn't. I did over the years of my life, and still learning.

So I went to the room, popped my anti anxiety pill, ya the one you might have seen in movie people do, when they start sweating, when their hands start shaking, when they can't talk. Or might be living one or know someone who lives it.

Its another story the person did apologize. But I again let it go. The point isn't to compare cancer with anxiety, to find the more dangerous one. The point is the belittlement of mental health, diseases associated with mind being unwell. Words like clinical depression and clinical anxiety which needs a proper MBBS MD doctor help to diagnose, and treat, besides so many other ways, which calls for a lifestyle change. It ain't appendix, you take it out and you are done. There I belittled appendix, my sympathies that if you underwent such a surgery or are living without one, but be ok in knowing that living with a diseased one is more dangerous. Still I apologize if I hurt your sentiments. Hope you let it go..

Anxiety ain't something which can be cured. But can be controlled with proper medical help. By doing something everyday about it. By using the medication for it, knowing well in advance that something may trigger it. And by knowing that when someone requests you to reduce the voice/noise because they are being triggered, you are helping them. Maybe next time I will carry ear muffs... actually I won't .. i can't. Yet another disease.. ah how fun it is to get old.. !

Not all pains and scars are visible. And the ones which aren't sometimes are more painful to bear. With that thought.. all I want to say is #BeKind. Your one gentle gaze, word, pat on the back can become a reason someone finds hope in the world we are living. And sometimes that all is needed. I have lived through it, I live through it, I know.

That's all folks! Hope you keep finding reasons to be someone's hope starting with your ownself. Have a good weekend.. I plan to shut down everything for sometime... but I can't the never ending PTMs... oh dear lord why nobody told that being a parent is a job for the whole life! Grrrrrrr... ah well... that was all... until next time...