Whose Fault Is Toxic?

There is a great deal of conversation online, particularly on this platform about toxic

Toxic bosses

Toxic cultures

Toxic colleagues

Toxic environments

Merriam Webster definition #3 - extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful

Most of what I see describes the movement of toxicity from the top down

I read a post the other day about a woman who told a story about being given more responsibility, but no raise in pay

The tone of the post was how terrible it was that a leader would do such a thing

How unfair

I responded that I didn't know anything else about her, had never met her and had no additional context about her capabilities or circumstances, so I was making an assumption

What struck me was that there was no mention of even questioning the decision. She was to accept the "toxicity", suck it up and get em next time

Maybe

But maybe not

I had a boss who became my mentor in my 20's and helped me learn the crafts of recruiting and selling in the staffing space. He was responsible for much of my success and financial achievements

Early in our time together, I was managing his recruiting office for him. He was a brilliant strategy guy but he delegated tasks. I was who he delegated to

One day (I don't remember exactly why) he started yelling at me on the sales floor in front of everybody. I let him finish and then said, "can I talk to you in your office?"

We went into his office and I closed the door behind us

I said, "I totally appreciate that you sign my paycheck and you are my boss. I love this job and I need this job, but if you ever yell at me again, particularly in front of a staff that you want me to lead, I'll walk out that door and you'll never see me again"

I had to

He apologized

I knew if I took that shit, I would lose his respect and the respect of my staff. More importantly I would have lost my dignity

I know there are people who think they can't do what I did

I would argue that most of those people actually could with the right support and coaching

Even people with families and bills who think they can't "risk" losing their jobs

In my opinion losing your dignity is far worse than scrambling to find another job

Two additional observations

1. Losing your dignity is the beginning of losing your soul. Once you cave, you keep caving
2. Anybody who mistreats you is testing you. And if you fail the test, he will not stop. It will get worse

You are simply postponing the inevitable

I have helped 1000's of people and worked with hundreds of companies. I know what toxic is and I know there's too much of it

But I think it letting people behave in extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful ways is almost as bad as behaving that way yourself

We first learn this on the playground with bullies and mean girls

Work is the playground for adults

When the bully tells you to give him your lunch money or he's gonna beat you up, you say no...and then you learn how to fight

You might take a beating, but he'll never ask you for your lunch money again

Bullies don't like people who fight back

Getting hit never hurts as much as you think it will. And you can't find that out until you take your first shots

I believe we have an obligation to handle this behavior better. We need to prepare and be ready to say no.

Questions are good. What you say and how you say is part of my work

If I can help, hop on my calendar and we can find out how

https://calendly.com/7pillarsglobal/30min

What if we got better at standing up and speaking out?

I think we'd all benefit from that