Who's in your Square Squad? (And a better question...)

no thanks. I would rather not join a cult. good luck though

That’s all the email said. A woman who I just invited to join my community sent it to me.

A cult? Seriously??I often dress head to toe in black and I love it when I can spend all day in my robe but those two things don’t coexist in my life. I got snarky for just a moment, vetted to a friend, and promptly deleted it.

Did her opinion matter to me??Sure… in the white-hot moment it took me to read the email, it mattered. I took her not-even-grammatically-correct comment personally.

But then I asked the right question…?Does her opinion matter to me? No.

How often do we let other people’s opinion of us, or our work, derail us from our purpose? They swoop in and we momentarily take our eyes of the goal. These are our critics and they sit in the stands jeering as we’re in the arena trying to kick some butt.

Who is sitting in the stands of your arena?

For starters, you’re going to have the nameless, faceless critics who don’t know you and don’t really care about you?(think Facebook and Instagram followers).

Then there are the stealth critics, who know you quite well, that will offer their unsolicited, yet biased, opinion?(think jealous friends or well-meaning parents).

You’ll have cheerleaders who will cheer you on when you’re winning but when the going gets tough they look away.

And then there are the handful of fellow warriors who know your strengths (and your weaknesses), who have helped you train for this moment, and who will jump into the arena if they need to.

This group is a select few. They have reached the inner circle of your life and you trust them completely. Their opinions matter.

How do you recognize these people?

1. They love you not in spite of your imperfections but because of them.?They know you love God but cuss like a sailor and love you anyway. They know your house is a complete mess and they’ll leave with dog hair all over them and love you anyway.?They’ve been on the receiving end of your blow-ups, your indecisiveness, your wild-hair ideas (that sometimes work and sometimes don’t) and they love you anyway.
2. They are not ‘yes’ people.?They don’t say what you want to hear, don’t suck up, and don’t agree with you all the time.
3. They don’t tell you what to do.??I know lots of people who are chief problem solvers. You bring something to them and they tell you what to do. Instead, these people ask a question to get you thinking. They draw out your true thoughts, feelings, and ideas. They get you thinking from a different perspective to find your own answer.
4. They have earned the right to speak into your life.?You’ve probably gone to battle with them before. You trust them. They trust you. They respect you enough to call you on your sh*t when you’re out of your integrity, and you respect them enough to listen without getting defensive.

Who are these people in your life?

Get clear on whose opinions of you matter. Make a list of those people and edit that list until it fits on a one-inch by one-inch piece of paper. That’s maybe three or four people (five at the most) who can truly be vulnerable with you, love you for who you are, and will speak truth even when it hurts.

Brené Brown calls these people your Square Squad.

Who is on your list? Do they know they’re on your list? This week, take ten minutes and reach out to your square squad and share a bit of yourself with them. “I’m getting clear on whose opinion matters to me and you’re one of those people. Thanks for always speaking truth into my life and being honest, real, and upfront with me. I appreciate you!”?

One last thought…?are you a member of someone’s Square Squad? If you are, then that person is blessed to have you in their arena. If not, what do you need to do to earn the right to be a member of this prestigious group?

Where I'm not asking you to share the names of the people in your Square Squad, I invite you to answer these questions below:

1. What did you learn from the process of thinking about who belongs in the square?
2. Do you, like most of us, find yourself steam-rolling over these important people in your life to gain the acceptance and approval of strangers? If so, what's one commitment you can make to strengthen the squad and spend less time approval-seeking??

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The Square Squad is something I teach in my Dare to Lead workshops. If you'd like to explore how DTL can help you or your team be more courageous leaders and create a culture of safety, belonging, and growth, set up a time with me HERE. The world needs more courageous leaders... we need you.