Who's Your Mama?

I was blessed to give this Mother's Day message today at Community of Hope in Sidney, Ohio.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:25-26)

?This is the Word of God for the children of God.

Thanks be to God.

Good morning and Happy Mothers Day! I’m going to start out with a little audience participation today. Audience – that means you.? So, here’s what I need you to do. And this will only happen once but here in just a tiny bit, I am going to point at all of you like this (point) and, when I do that, I want you all to say the following, “Why is that, Todd?”? Can you do that?? Let’s practice one time.? (Point.) “Why is that, Todd?”? Okay, now watch for it … here we go.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to give the message on a number of holidays. I think that I have preached a couple of times on Mothers Day now. And, I have to tell you, Mothers Day and Fathers Day are two holidays that make me extremely nervous to preach on. (Points at congregation, and they say, “Why is that, Todd?”) ?Well, I’m glad you asked. ?Here’s why. Any time you’re in front of a group of people, you’re going to find a wide array of relationships they have with their biological parents.

Statistics tell us that fewer than two thirds of all children grow up living with both birth parents. About 25% live with just one biological parent and, a real growing trend is children who are raised by grandparents. Nearly 5% of all children are raised by grandparents or other close relatives.

But, let’s face it, when it comes to parents, WHO we live with can be the easy part.? Maintaining positive and healthy relationships between parents and children – now THAT can be the difficult part!

So, when you mention Mothers Day or Fathers Day to someone, you really do not know whattype of reaction you may get from them. For many of us older folks, thinking of parents who have passed away can bring sadness. For some folks who have struggled having positive relationships with their father or mother or perhaps both, they might have feelings of anger or resentment come up. And, for parents who have lost a child perhaps due to death or maybe even due to an estranged relationship, they can have feelings of intense grief or sadness or perhaps even feelings of inadequacy come up on these holidays.

So, yeah, I am not going to go into all the possibilities here but speaking on Mothers Day or Fathers Day is kind of a scary thing for me.

I guess one option would have been to just ignore what day it was but, there are a couple of problems with that.? Whether we talk about what day it is or not, we all know what day it is, right? So, those feelings are going to be there whether we talk about it or not. And, sometimes, talking about things can help bring us to better places and better understanding.

The other reality here is the Bible doesn’t ignore family relationships, does it?? Of course not. In fact, the Bible talks a lot about families and relationships. One of the 10 Commandments is this: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days me be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

That commandment right there means that this is an important topic and it’s good for us to talk about it.

I am not going to ask you to do this but if I did ask you all to raise your hands if you felt that you had or have a positive relationship with both your biological mother and your biological father, I am guessing that only a handful of you would be able to truthfully raise your hands. Many of us struggle when it comes to these relationships.

It is indeed a tough subject but let’s try to figure out a good way to think about it today, no matter where we each may personally fall in our reaction to Mother’s Day.

I want to start out though with a couple of cute stories.? (Images can be seen at: https://brightside.me/articles/18-kind-animals-that-adopted-other-species-572260/ )

Here’s a 6 month old elephant named Themba who was orphaned in Africa and abandoned by her herd. At a wildlife rehabilitation center, though, a sheep named Albert became the young elephant’s friend and mentor.

What about these two – here’s Owen the hippo and Mzee the turtle. This young hippo was also orphaned but found friendship and a new family with – now get this – a 130-year-old turtle.

Here’s a monkey and a chicken. Located in a zoo in Israel, the monkey could not find another monkey who wanted to be its friend, so he found a chicken who makes him feel needed and important.

Here’s an interesting story – a lioness who killed a cow for food but then actually adopted the cow’s calve, protecting and watching over the young animal.

A chimpanzee mothering and caring for a tiger cub.

We’ve all seen stories like these before, haven’t we?? A german shepherd and a baby owl.? Their relationship continued for many years with the dog watching out for the owl.

Kind of crazy, isn’t it, that two entirely different animals could bond in such a tight relationship? But, here we see that, in the animal world, if something doesn’t work out with a family, they still find a way for relationship. ?Out of love and a desire for companionship, and probably a desire to care for another, these animals made up – invented - created entirely new families.

And the cool thing is that we can do that as humans, too. Sometimes that sort of new family is official through adoption or foster families.? Sometimes it happens when grandparents, due to life circumstances, begin to care for grandchildren. We have several stories along these lines right here in our Community of Hope family. Adoptions, foster children, grandparents caring for grandchildren.

Other times it happens more organically. The stories can start as tragic stories of loss and despair yet when a new family is formed, they become stories of amazing redemption, compassion, and love. Here are a couple of examples. That mother or father of a friend who perhaps cared more for us and mentored us and taught us more than our own mother or father was able to do at the time. That co-worker who maybe sees a gap in their life and your life and becomes like a parent to you. These are situations where God’s love prevails and binds people together.

In so many cases, this is people being part of the body of Christ. Folks loving their neighbor, caring for one another, being kind and compassionate. And out of that, new relationships are created that take the place of relationships that simply can’t be.

Fact is, it’s hard. Life is hard. Relationships are hard. Sometimes even those relationships created by God through our own births simply don’t work out. Sometimes it’s our fault, sometimes it’s their fault, often it’s a little bit of both. But God always offers us hope and restoration.

In the Gospel of Mark, the Bible cautions us that, when it comes to faith and following God, brother may turn against brother. Fathers may turn against their children. In those cases, as Christians, we have to stand for what we know to be true. And sometimes that calls us away from one relationship with a non-believer and to a relationship with a believer.

Of course, it’s kind of tough to even think about that. Scriptures like “Love your neighbor” which interestingly is just from the previous chapter in Mark, and of course “Honor your father and your mother” from Exodus seem to get in the way when things don’t go right and we want to end a relationship, don’t they? Is it really okay to walk from relationships that aren’t working? The commandment to honor our parents calls us to forgive our parents if we feel they have wronged us. It calls for us to be grateful for their existence, for they gave us life. While we are called as Christians to forgive, fact is that other relationships – relationships that are healthier for us – relationships that challenge us to be better people -- may replace those biological relationships but the point is that we still must be able to respect our parents for who they are.

Sometimes I think that one of the most powerful things someone can do if they have bad feelings toward a parent is to still have empathy for that parent. To realize that that mother or father walked a path that they have not walked. That they faced challenges and perhaps limitations that we know nothing about. And then to have the empathy to say, “I may have been hurt by them, I may feel that they didn’t always parent me in a positive way, but I believe that, given the situations they were in and the life they led, they did the best that they knew how to do and the best that they had the capacity and resources to do.”

Sometimes, though, those relationships are broken by death. Lives taken too soon. Profound losses that impact our relationships with parents or even children. And while the pain of that loss never goes away, Jesus still always offers us hope. No one can ever replace that lost loved one but we can still find fulfillment, companionship, someone to care for and someone to care for us in the form of new relationships.

As I think about Mothers Day today, it occurs to me that being a mother has to be one of the most difficult roles a person can ever take on. A mother wants to be loving, caring, and nurturing. The world expects them to be like Mrs. Cunningham – Mrs. C -- baking cookies, always cheerful, quick with wisdom, and advice. Oh, and quick to laugh.

But the reality is, motherhood is tiring, exhausting. It’s dirty diapers. Trying to soothe a baby’s cries. Kissing away the pain of booboos. Worrying about children playing sports. Helping them with homework for classes you yourself don’t remember. Being able to handle things with grace when that child, the picture of immaturity, shouts “I hate you” or something equally stabbing. Staying up late when they don’t get home on time. Extra gray hairs while you teach them how to drive. It is hard stuff. ?Increasingly in our world, being a mom means being a single parent. Paying bills. Trying to provide for your child’s needs … and their wants. ?It’s a lot. And, because it’s so much, as children, we have to have the empathy and grace to say that, even when a mom falls short of our expectations, we believe she was doing the best she could given the circumstances and resources she had.

Let me read you a poem that a mom named Sharon Twitchell wrote. It’s titled “Before I Was A Mom”. I have no idea who Sharon is but I do know that her daughter’s name is Natalie.

Before I was a Mom; I made and ate hot meals, I had unstained clothing, I brushed my hair every day, I had quiet conversations on the phone, I slept as late as I wanted and I slept all night long. Before I was a Mom; I cleaned my house each day, I never tripped over toys or forgot lullabies, I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous, I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers. Before I was a Mom; I never thought about immunizations, I never held a screaming child so the doctors could give shots, I never looked into teary eyes and cried, I never felt my heart break into pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt, I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. Before I was a Mom; I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down, I never sat up late hours of the night watching a baby sleep, I never got up in the middle of the night to make sure everything was okay, I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. Before I was a Mom; I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts and my body, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body, I didn't know that having something so small could make me feel so important, I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a mom. Before I was a Mom; I never knew that something so small could effect my life so much, I never knew that I could love someone so much, I never knew I would love being a Mom, I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child, I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much. Before I was Natalie's Mom.

As I read that, I realized those words could be spoken by anyone who ever cared for another person. It need not be a biological mom. It could be a mom of love and care, not necessarily a mom of biology, couldn’t it? It could even be someone who has played the role of Dad in someone’s life before. ?If you’ve ever loved someone, you’ve sacrificed for them, you’ve worried about them, and you’ve cared for them, this could be you.

Let’s jump back a couple of thousand years and think about Jesus’s mom, Mary. We don’t know a ton about her. We do know that she dealt with the same things that moms deal with today. And of course she was a young mother, probably in her mid-teens and not really prepared for motherhood. Dirty diapers, Crying, Running noses. The sound of a child getting sick at 2 am in the morning.? Moving a family from Israel to Egypt and back to Israel. Losing her 12 year old son in the big city of Jerusalem. A son who, yes, while respectful, was undoubtedly far wiser than His parents.

We suspect that Mary was widowed fairly young. Despite the fact that Jesus is referred to as the “Son of Joseph” in the Bible, the Gospels really don’t talk much about him. So, we’re left to sort of assume that when Jesus started his ministry at the age of 30, His earthly father was likely no longer living. And that would have left Mary to manage on her own as well – not an easy thing for a mother today but really difficult 2000 years ago with little safety net to help her.

One of the most poignant stories about Mary comes when her Son is hanging on the cross.

John 19:25-27, NIV

Near the cross?of Jesus stood his mother,?his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.?When Jesus saw his mother?there, and the disciple whom he loved?standing nearby, he said to her,?“Woman,?here is your son,”?and to the disciple,?“Here is your mother.”?From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

Did you see what Jesus did there?? Hanging from the cross, one of His final things is to honor His mother and care for her. He knew that His loss would leave a huge hole for her. He knew that it was hard for a widow to manage in this world – that even came out in some of His teachings.

Jesus created a new family for His mother. And I think there’s a lesson for us in that. He knew that, as humans, we’d face loss, we’d face relationships that are sometimes, well, beyond difficult. But yet He does not want any one of us to be forgotten, to be alone, to be in need. And He especially wanted to honor His mother. So, he entrusted her to the apostle John, someone He also loved and trusted.

There are many types of families that we may end up in. It may be our biological family. It may be an adoptive or foster family. It may be a family of friends or coworkers. It may be our family at church.

But once we enter the family of God, we are called to love and care for others. It may be you being the change of hope in someone else’s life when they have experienced loss or loneliness or it may be someone stepping into that role of loving on you at a difficult time. But we are all part of a family.

So, this Mother’s Day, I don’t know exactly what emotions it brings up for you. I realize it could be a great day for you or it may be a very difficult day. But know this, just as Jesus looked at His mother from the cross and called on His friend, John, to care for her, Jesus is looking at you. He’s calling you to love and care for others and, at the same time, as part of the family of Christ, Jesus is calling for others to care for and love on you. That’s the great thing about God’s family, Jesus and the Holy Spirit will see to it that you’re never alone.