Who's Really Listening?

by Rob Kincaid

We all know listening is important, so how can we listen more effectively, more often? 

Genuine listening seems increasingly rare – in some settings almost nonexistent. Yet it’s well known effective listening can be one of our most powerful life and business assets.

I think listening is rare because listening is really hard work and requires a lot of discipline, practice and know-how. 

I think it’s rare because we’re busy navigating a flood of content and clutter and interruptions from attention merchants, co-workers, family and friends. Our minds are full. Tasks and noise are popping up constantly and we just don’t prioritize listening.

Listening requires our discipline to create space for it, our focused attention, and active involvement.  

I believe real listening – genuine listening – is a mindful and engaged process that insists we truly discover and understand what someone else is really saying, rather than just pausing and preparing what we want to say next.

Listening matters because it’s a rare commodity and skill that is highly sought after in every career and every position. It’s a key component of emotional intelligence and a skill that can be enhanced with awareness and daily practice.

Genuine listening matters because it builds knowledge, insight, results and relationships.

I've interviewed thousands of job candidates as an entrepreneurial business owner and corporate executive. And I always ask about listening. “Are you a good listener?” I ask. The answer is almost always “yes.”  It seems impossible that 100 percent of job candidates are good listeners. So I follow up with another question to get more insight. “Could you share an example or two of how you do it – how you listen?”

The response that usually follows: “Hmm. Good question. Let me think...” I understand. It’s a reasonable reply; this isn’t an expected question.  Yet the answer is revealing.

We just haven’t thought enough about it, or practiced, and sometimes don’t know what to do to listen better. 

What I’m hoping to hear when I ask “tell me how you listen” are responses such as: taking notes, acknowledging and encouraging a person with verbal and non-verbal cues, asking follow up questions, speaking less, or paraphrasing using a few of the speaker’s exact words to check for understanding.

When a candidate can describe with clarity and confidence about how they listen, my interest in them always increases, because effective listening makes a huge difference in the relationships and results people create at work. 

Listening actively and focusing on understanding what is being said in the moment is an ongoing challenge. It’s a skill that can be enhanced through practice and discipline.

I believe listening is one of the most desirable and important life and business skills for creating success. It definitely deserves top priority in life and work.