Who's Driving Your Life? Take The Wheel and Find Your Way

“You won’t even book an Uber without checking the driver’s rating, but you pay no attention to what’s driving you through life.”

Those were the words my mentor used to wake me up.

We were talking about a challenge I was dealing with (or, more accurately, not dealing with) and my mentor had had enough of my excuses.

“You’ve told me all about what is happening to you, who is to blame it, and what you are going to do about it,” she said, “but you haven’t once mentioned how you feel about it.”

She was right. I had been so focused on external circumstances and assigning blame that I had failed to look inward and examine my own motivations and emotions. My mentor continued,

"Think about it," she said. "What's driving your decisions? What beliefs are steering you? What fears are keeping you stuck? What desires are pulling you in different directions?"

I was stumped. I like to think I'm a pretty introspective guy, but in this circumstance, I hadn't once considered the internal factors that were driving my actions and reactions.

“To really understand who is driving your life, you need to start by identifying these drivers. What are the stories you’ve been telling yourself? What beliefs have you accepted as truths? And most importantly, what fears and desires are motivating you?”

It didn’t take long for me to figure it out. The stories I had been telling myself had been with me forever. They were stories about past failures, which led to a fear of taking risks. My “nice guy” need for approval had also driven many of my decisions, even when it meant sitting silent as things fell apart around me. These realizations were both eye-opening and uncomfortable.

“You see,” my mentor said, “feeling safe is often why we let these things drive us. It’s easier to stay in our comfort zones, even if they’re not where we want to be. But growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones. You need to reclaim the wheel and start driving your own life.”

I knew she was right. Reclaiming control meant facing those fears and challenging those stories. It meant taking deliberate steps toward my goals, even if it felt uncomfortable or scary.

Identifying the Driver

To identify the driver in your own life, start by asking yourself some critical questions:

• What beliefs do I hold about myself and the world?
• What stories have I been telling myself about my capabilities and limitations?
• What fears are holding me back from taking risks or pursuing my dreams?
• What desires are motivating my choices and behaviors?

These questions are the first step in becoming aware of what is truly driving you. Awareness is key because you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

Feeling Safe and Comfortable

It's natural to seek comfort and safety, but it's important to recognize that these feelings can sometimes keep you stuck. When you let fears and limiting beliefs drive you, they provide a false sense of security. However, this safety comes at the cost of your growth and potential.

Reclaiming the Wheel

Taking back control of your life involves several steps:

1. Awareness: Start by becoming aware of your internal drivers. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Journaling can be a helpful tool in this process.
2. Questioning: Challenge the validity of your beliefs and stories. Are they based on facts or assumptions? What evidence do you have to support or refute them?
3. Visualization: Visualize your desired future. What does it look like? What steps do you need to take to get there? Visualization can help motivate and guide your actions.
4. Taking Action: Begin taking small, consistent steps toward your goals. Each step reinforces your new direction and weakens the hold of old drivers.
5. Building Resilience: Understand that setbacks are part of the journey. Learn from them and use them as opportunities to grow stronger and more determined.

The Journey vs. the Destination

Remember, the driver doesn't determine where you end up, but it plays a major role in how you get there. By taking control of your internal drivers, you can ensure that your journey is aligned with your true desires and goals. This not only makes the destination more fulfilling but also enriches the experience along the way.

In conclusion, asking yourself "Who is driving my life?" is the first step towards a more intentional and fulfilling journey. By recognizing and challenging the beliefs, stories, fears, and desires that steer you, you can reclaim the wheel and navigate your life with purpose and confidence.