Whoops! mind the confidence gap....

Sara Blakely, Founder of Spanx

“Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.”

Over the years I would have hired and mentored almost 90 women. I love working with women and now that I run my own business which happens solely to be made up of women (apart from Ed my business partner who also happens to be my brother). I am even more passionate about women being more strongly represented in leadership in business. My strongly held belief is that companies are happier, healthier and more successful when men and women are equally represented within their leadership teams.

As we all too aware we remain a very long way from this being the reality.

So why is this? I think there is a very strong possibility that this is down to the confidence gap between men and women.

It still puzzles me how many successful, talented and unique women still suffer from both a lack of confidence and self-belief at work. Some of these women openly admit this is what is holding them back, while others suffer in silence and it is proven through their behaviour of self- doubting and not believing they can achieve or are worthy of success.

It has been one of my biggest frustrations leading a team of all women. These women are amazing and the reason that I love my work is down to this team. They inspire me on a daily basis with what they achieve in the corporate world, at home and outside of work. To be surrounded by such talent and enthusiasm makes it easy to come to work every day – it helps that we all share a very good sense of humour!

So how is it that that when we talk about growth, development and planning for leadership our conversations revert back ultimately to a lack of self-confidence and self-belief.

According to the Huffington Post, last year, only 23 Fortune 500 Companies were led by women. But women are just as qualified as men are to lead, so why is there such a huge disparity between them?

A 2015 study by talent management system Saba Software, conducted by the Harris Poll, found that 60 percent of male employees expect their companies to play an active role in their individual career options, versus 49 percent of female employees who expect this. Emily He, former chief marketing officer at Saba (now the CMO at DoubleDutch), said that this supports findings from other studies that women are more hesitant to speak up about their career ambitions. But Saba also discovered that women are driven more by intrinsic motivations about work, rather than what their jobs or employers demand from them. 

Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence. No wonder that women, despite all our progress, are still woefully underrepresented at the highest levels. All of that is the bad news. The good news is that with work, confidence can be acquired. Which means that the confidence gap, in turn, can be closed.

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg continues to inspire with her frank words of courage following her husband, David Goldberg’s, death. In a tribute post to her husband on Facebook last month, Sandberg wrote about her struggle with acceptance and related a situation where she had to step in for a father-child activity. “I want Dave,” she wrote. “I want option A.” However, she wrote of her resolve to honour his memory and kick the sh** out of option B.”  

Arianna Huffington, Editor-In-Chief of The Huffington Post

“We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes -- understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.”

Arianna Huffington, who recently signed on to remain editor-in-chief of AOL/Huffington Post until 2019, shared her #fails with graduates at Sarah Lawrence College in 2011: her failed epic romance with the late-London Times columnist Bernard Levin and her original plans for The Huffington Post to be a highbrow literary site that nobody was going to read, “but everyone was going to pretend to have read it.” Turns out, she did all right. 

As a Leader, it presents a daily and immediate challenge and it is my responsibility to ensure that this amazing team of women have the chance to reach their full potential. Some ways in which all business can make small but impactful change is with the below:-

·        Having a purpose – I have found that we as women in particular are more effective when they are working towards a greater purpose, to achieve an ultimate goal, other than just making money. We need to believe in something greater than individual performance to really see that we are making a difference in business and ultimately in the lives of others.

·        Say thank you & recognize contribution and success – a verbal recognition at a meeting, a group email praising achievements or a tangible reward.

·        Expect confidence – treating team members as confident professional and expecting they can do the things they may hesitate to take on. You get what you expect.

·        Get out of the comfort zone – sometimes I have had the best success asking this of myself and of the team. To do something outside of our normal day to day role - a project/event/marketing task. So much so, we learn the most and our confidence sky rockets.

·        Fake it until you make it – sometimes when you don’t feel 100% confident in a situation, I encourage my team to “fake it until you make it”. This is not about lying your way through a situation, it’s about exuding confidence, remaining calm and delivering a rational response

·  Role models and inspiration – we watch a lot of ted talks, we read, we seek out mentors outside of our business and to learn from others’ success. The best mentors can be those that have achieved the results you aspire to and follow their recipe for success rather than reinventing the wheel.  Surround yourself with these people and learn as much as you can from them.

BUT…the most important aspect of our responsibility to each other as women is to build each other up to understand our capability. To encourage one another to have confidence in the ability and to help each other wherever possible to realise this to its fullest.

It is more than all of the above – it depends on the ability to get to truly know ourselves, let go of the negative voices that we all have. The voices determined on self-sabotage – to recognise these as thoughts alone and not to buy in to those as the truth.

LORI GREINER, INVENTOR, QVC HOST AND ‘SHARK TANK’ INVESTOR

"Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist -- while you guys were busy arguing about the glass of wine, I drank it! Sincerely, the opportunist!"

So what do we do about this self doubt? Can self-confidence be learnt or re-built? Can we coach to overcome it? In my experience the best we can do is nurture the talent that we have, believe in people and hope to inspire them to things they didn’t even think they were capable of.

How to build confidence? As women, the question of self-esteem is one that weaves itself in to the fibres of our lives from a very young age and only grows in importance as we do. From career, to relationships, to body image and personal achievements, the truth is that the level we believe in ourselves and the effort we put toward building confidence affects every aspect of who we are, how we live and what we accomplish. With that in mind, here are 8 invaluable tips for learning to build confidence.

FAKE IT UNTIL IT FITS

While it may sound counter-intuitive, behaving consistently with self-assurance, even when you may not necessarily feel it, is one of the most defining ways to build confidence.

Expressing an air of esteem in your words, thoughts and body language, even if it is essentially acting, establishes the behavioural patterns that eventually become natural habit, instinctively building confidence.

A bright smile, good posture, even a little swagger can go a long way...

Your heart and mind will follow your lead.

CLEAN UP YOUR SELF-TALK

If you are interested in building confidence, you need to consider the detrimental effects of negative self-talk. As women, we can be truly ruthless against ourselves, criticizing everything from the way we look to our performance at work to the dynamics of our relationships. This type of thinking is not only unproductive, it’s incredibly damaging to our self-esteem. Moving forward, focus on how to develop confidence using self-talk in a healthy, dynamic way - while it is important to hold ourselves accountable, the key is to frame your thoughts positively and encourage yourself with love. Step one? Telling your own worst critic that she is so fired.

FOCUS ON YOUR FANS

When learning how to build confidence do not underestimate the power of surrounding yourself with positive influences. Whether family members, friends, romantic partners or co-workers, your fans are the people who love, cherish and appreciate your many amazing qualities - an invaluable resource in the process of developing and maintaining your positive self-image. Connect with your fan base to draw from their positive impressions of you and to remind yourself of all the important relationships in your life worthy of your self-assurance. As like attracts like, the more you grow your own esteem, the more you will attract equally wonderful people to share your happiness with.

LIST YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS

Through the highs and lows of life we can easily lose track of how far we have come and all that we have accomplished on our journey. As you continue developing confidence, take time to reflect on the many challenges you have overcome, and the many beautiful achievements you have earned throughout the years. Have you experienced success in your career? Are you raising a family? Have you taken on a fitness challenge or mastered the art of cooking? Make your list today - each success is a step toward building confidence and it will likely surprise you how much you have truly achieved. Not to mention, re-discovering how fabulous you are never gets old.

PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS

Knowing how to build confidence comes in large part from knowing your own strengths. Are you extremely outgoing? Do you have a great sense of humour? Having a clear understanding of the personal attributes that enable and empower your success gives you an opportunity to play to your strong side and more easily manage your weaknesses. None of us can be all things to all people, instead focus your efforts on connecting with situations in a way that flatters you and you will naturally feel more confident in each interaction.

TRY NEW THINGS

Exploring life outside your comfort zone is hugely beneficial when building confidence. While engaging the same activities every day can have a stagnant effect on our self-esteem, learning or trying something new offers the opposite advantages, revving our creativity, increasing our sense of purpose and promoting a feeling of pride in our efforts. If you are determining how to build confidence, try taking on a fresh challenge beyond your usual routine - learn that second language, explore the local museum or train for your first marathon... Each dynamic experience, with its own challenges and achievements, will serve to enhance your feelings of self-assurance.

REDEFINE YOUR FAILURES – perfectionism is not your friend!

Redefine what it means to fail. So often, people look at the trials in their lives with harsh judgement, painfully labelling their struggles as mistakes, inadequacies and downfalls. Though it is natural to reflect on some experiences with disappointment or regret, in order to continue developing confidence, try looking at past and present errors with a new perspective - focus on what your life lessons have taught you, how much you have grown through the process of learning, and how happy you are to have overcome that obstacle. As Winston Churchill once said, ?Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Ladies, here is an equation we all need to remember: how much we love our lives is typically a direct reflection of how much we love ourselves. If you want to know how to build confidence, ask yourself if you truly value your own worth as you should. Many women confuse feeling worthy with arrogance or self-absorption... The difference is that believing in yourself relates to the meaningful qualities you have to offer - intelligence, kindness, love and humour, for example. Celebrating, pampering and most importantly, respecting your worth are all significant parts of the hunt for greater self-esteem. At work, in your relationships, even in your day to day routine, strive to honour yourself and interact in ways that promote and recognize your immense value. You deserve it! Building confidence is an evolving process that tends to move in highs and lows with our life changes and events. There are many strategies you can implement to improve or maintain your self-esteem, and there is no better time to recognize how valuable you are and acknowledge how much a strong self-worth can enhance your life. While true assurance comes from within, knowing how to build confidence will encourage the process and keep you on the right track. How do you focus on keeping up your self-esteem?

Barbara Corcoran, Real Estate Magnate and ‘Shark Tank’ Investor

"The difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves."

Barbara Corcoran, who got straight Ds in high school and college, founded one of New York City’s premiere real-estate firms, The Corcoran Group, in 1973 for $1,000 in seed money. She turned it into an empire and sold it for $60 million. In 2009, she joined the cast of ABC’s Shark Tank, and later co-founded Barbara Corcoran Venture Partners, an angel investment company.