The Wholehearted Life

Credit to Brene Brown for her work on these guideposts and wholehearted living.

Defining Wholehearted

Wholehearted is defined as completely and sincerely devoted, determined, or enthusiastic.

What does this mean for you as a professional?

Are you showing up authentically?

Are you showing up with purpose?

Are you trying to separate leadership in your professional life from who you are personally?

10 Guideposts to a Wholehearted Life

1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting go of what people think
2. Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting go of perfectionism
3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting go of numbing and powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting go of the need for certainty
6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting go of comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting go of self-doubt and "supposed to"
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting go of being cool and "always in control"

Cultivating Authenticity

Have you really asked yourself what is authentic for you? Who are you at your core? What makes your soul happy?

I like to think of life as a play or a short story. The characters that you are introduced to in this story will have certain traits, skills, tendencies, etc.

If I were to give you a list of characters (with descriptions about them) and a few quotes, you may be able to make a reasonable guess as to who said what.

This is how I think of learning more about who I actually am. I can ask myself questions such as:

1. Is this something I think?
2. Is this something I feel?
3. Is this something that defines me?

Our authenticity is important to question especially as leaders because who we are can get lost in our conditioning. We grow up sharing beliefs with parents, friends, colleagues, etc. not just about the world around us, but also about who we are.

When was the last time you caught yourself feeling inauthentic due to someone else's perception of you?

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Does perfectionism or near-perfectionism define your life or you as a leader?

You could say that I am a recovering perfectionist. I used to feel as if I was "on stage" and "always performing" in front of everyone.

This and anything relating to self-compassion stems from self-talk.

You are in a relationship with yourself. The question to ask is are you in a loving relationship or a toxic relationship? If you said some of the same things you say to yourself to your - significant other, best friend, parents - would they still be in your life"?

Cultivating a Resilient Spirit

Are you resilient? How do you feel when facing adversity?

My favorite way to work on resiliency is exercise. Sometimes the best way to change the way we view ourselves is to have a tangible example.

If for example, I have not exercised in six months I am very likely to feel lazy. However, if I exercise 4-5 times per week, I am likely to feel strong, active, and capable.

We are going to view ourselves through the lens that we give to our inner selves. So as much as we can, we need to give tangible examples to the lens.

I no longer tend to question my resiliency because I do CrossFit workouts 5-6 times per week. I spend most of my week:

1. Pushing my physical limits (safely)
2. Pushing my mental limits (safely)
3. Proving to myself that I am a better version than I was the day before.

Cultivating Gratitude and Joy

Joy is defined as the intense feeling of deep spiritual connection and pleasure.

What are you passionate about? What really lights a fire inside of you?

This is the guidepost that is closest to my heart. I have always wanted to help others push the limits of what they can do so that they can live a fulfilling life.

Why should we accept jobs that we don't thoroughly enjoy? Why should we accept living in a place we can't call home? Why should we accept friends and family who don't wholeheartedly support us?

We don't always have full control over our circumstances. However, I believe if we challenge the status quo we will find ourselves on a path to true joy.

Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith

Intuition is the ability to understand something without the need for conscious reasoning.

This is a skill that is developed over time.

I believe our intuition will get stronger as we know who we truly are.

The key is to understand that this requires trial and error. At first, it feels as if there is a lack of certainty. The more we learn who we are and what FEELS right to us the more we can trust that we know the right path.

I am not a life coach because I have years of experience telling me that I am going to be really successful. I am a life coach because it is intuitive for me, it is authentic for me, and it connects with my life purpose in a way that I would not be able to consciously and reasonably describe to someone else.

Cultivating Creativity

Creativity is interesting to me.

You have likely heard of a growth mindset. This work by Carol Dweck and others is so much more profound than what you find on the surface of just the term itself.

Growth mindset is the idea that our skills are not fixed and with practice, we have the ability to grow in many ways.

Creativity is one of these. It is so easy to assume that someone was born a good writer, musician, etc. This is simply not true, all of these skills require great practice.

It is also worth asking yourself where you find creativity in your life. Are you creative in a business context? Are you creative in the way you enjoy your hobbies?

Cultivating Play and Rest

Honestly, this is an area where I still struggle quite a bit.

I think the key is to at least find one outlet where you can feel your inner child and use your intuition to know when you really need it.

Sure we would all enjoy having enough money to go on extravagant vacations or to afford weekly massages.

Unfortunately for many of us the reality of what helps us rest "deeply" is not always readily available.

My wife and I prioritize going to concerts at least once per quarter, but often twice. This is a great outlet for us to play and find our inner child in a way that we are not able to in most of our other endeavors.

Cultivating Calm and Stillness

I have specific opinions on mindfulness and meditation.

As a society, we seem to come closer and closer to integrating this into everyday life. However, I do not think we are there yet.

The key is not to only sit down for 10 minutes per day with your eyes closed and legs crossed. Many of us know this is an exaggeration.

Even knowing this, how many times do you find yourself overwhelmed throughout your day? Did you check in with yourself to see how you felt at any point? Did you stop to just breathe or look away from your computer screen?

I believe it can be as simple as stopping for 30 seconds and checking in with yourself. This will eventually become a habit and you will find yourself having less stress throughout your life.

Cultivating Meaningful Work

This one is also really close to my soul.

I believe that we all deserve to find work that makes us come alive. We all deserve to wake up in the morning and be passionate about sharing our gifts to impact the world.

This meaning is unique to each of us. I also think it takes work to re-program yourself to realize meaning doesn't have to be so tied to "capitalism".

Of course, many of us do not have enough funds to support us in doing anything we want without making money.

The issue is that we lead too much with the dollar figures and not enough with the passion and meaning that then drives the dollars because we are doing what we love.

Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance

This is an area I am truly working on. It takes a great deal of work to connect with yourself on a spiritual level.

If you feel you struggle with this you are not alone.

My best advice is to find friends, family, and colleagues who support you towards this end. If you are always in the "wrong" environment you may find it difficult to not feel the need to "be cool" or be in control.

My Last Notes

I hope that you found this helpful and meaningful.

I believe that we need to work on many areas of our lives and integrate them all together to truly find the purposeful and meaningful life that we are looking for.

There is not one right answer I can give you to cultivate each of these. I find that clients already know what they need. Sometimes it is just a matter of having someone like myself create the space for you to begin the journey of self-discovery.

Please reach out if I can help you on your journey...