The whole truth and nothing but.

Over three decades of advertising, I've been a part of at the very least 50 big pitches, some in other countries. And I've noticed that the first 10 slides of the presentation were the most shamleless humblebragging of the agency.

I have stories to tell, and then some. But the less hair-raising ones involve slides proudly featuring the glowing list of 'current' clients. Some of these clients had just sacked the agency or were seriously considering it and had already told the agency in no uncertain terms. How did the agency get away with it? Simple: The news was not public.

An ex-heavy from one of the big agencies tells of a visit from the global head, who pointed at a logo on a slide and asked who the company was, and the India head had no clue. Proof that the list was assembled by a junior executive who had sat up all of the previous night and had merely neatly arranged the strange pictures.

Alas, this is what clients want, and you can't really blame them. The agency knows this is what the client wants. The client knows the agency knows this is not a negotiable. So we pull the wool over each other's eyes. The key is, apparently, the quality of the wool and how gently we did it.

I have a revolutionary suggestion.

Why don't a few key people from each side sit down and ask each other: What's the cliff edge you guys are facing? How can we help?

But no. Clients want to know stupid things like how many hordes of bodies will be 'dedicated' to the account. Agencies gladly fabricate a number and the potential 'time dedicated.' Never once (to my knowledge) has the client physically verified these numbers.

Time sheets are another spectacular work of fiction that the combined creative power of the agency could not rival.

The cheaper narrative is that 'advertising lies.' You should see what we are doing to each other.

In the 10 years since brandarms began, I tried hard to tell the truth every single time a client asked the question. I say 'tried hard' because as time went by the price near broke my back. brandarms is ten times SMALLER than the agencies who began in the years around which we began.

I'm happier this way. There are 5 of us at brandarms and we can work 5 times faster and as well as all the big boys. No client has to pay us in the dozens of lakhs because we don't have to 'make the numbers' for some global head; God bless them.

We're celebrating Aaryan Rane's birthday today. He is our baby, the youngest, has a thousand watt smile, aces his gym bodybuilding competition and dances like Hritik Roshan.I'm so happy he is with us.

This is the company I want to the credited for, this is the crew whose companionship I seek and these are the clients I will gladly give blood for.

I think I did it right. I think I am doing it right. To everyone who is going it this way, my heartfelt "WELL DONE." You give me hope. Visit and we'll treat you to beer. brandarms loves you.