Who is Your "Tribe"?

“Don’t walk in front of me…I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me…I may not lead. Walk beside me…just be my friend.”

–Albert Camus

Who is your “person” or your “tribe”? Who is that one person or small group of people who has been your true friend(s) or the person/people who stood beside you when others didn’t?

For most of us when we reach middle-age we have dealt with physical, emotional and/or financial challenges. I had spinal meningitis and shingles at the same time in 2008 (physical challenge). I experienced the financial crisis (financial challenge). I went through a divorce (emotional challenge) in 2010. Although these were all very challenging things that happened I have a small but true tribe of people who have helped me get through these challenging times and live to tell about them.

As I look back, all of these experiences served me in different ways. However they all added a great deal of wisdom and lessons that I needed to go through in order to grow and be the man I am today. The wisdom is valuable I am very grateful for what I have learned. But the greatest value is learning who I could count on when I was at my lowest point and sadly who I couldn’t… When I was on top I had no shortage of people who wanted to be my friends. When I was at my lowest point there were just a few who were willing to walk next to me through the fires that I have experienced. Interestingly the one person I thought I could count on, I couldn’t. That only came out when I became ill. That too is very valuable information to have.

Our lives are better when we have deep and meaningful relationships. That being said is can be very challenging to meet people and develop true depth and trust. I have heard it said that the deeper we are the harder it is to find friends at the same depth. Water seeks its own level.

For me, my wife, my two brothers, my parents and two of my friends have served as my “people.” I know I can count on them to be there for me and to withhold judgement no matter the issue of what I share with them. I cherish and covet these relationships and I want to do everything in my power to pour into them and never to draw equity out.

As I write this things in my life are going very well. However I know that things change in an instant and when and if something challenging happens I know I can count on my tribe to be there for me. In my reflective periods I remind myself about who is there for me in my time of need. I made a short list of things I do to honor these cherished relationships and what I need to do to pay my good fortune forward;  

1.  Tell that person or people how much you appreciate them and their contribution to your life.

2.  Be that life changing person to someone else.

3.  Be there for your tribe in their time of need.

4.  Check-in with your tribe on a regular basis to see if there are things that are challenging them that you can help with.

5.  Remember that there are various stages of assistance.

a.  Some people need to be heard.

b.  Some people need to be held.

c.  Some people need to be talked off the ledge.

d.  Some people need someone to be next to them physically to keep them company during the painful time.

e.  Some people need to be left alone but to know you are there if they need you.

f.   Some people need you to speak into them and to help them understand how beautiful they are.

g.  Some people need to know everything is going to be ok.

h.  Etc…

6.  Remember to ask my tribe for help when I am feeling weak or in pain.

We are all fighting an emotional, physical or financial battle. We all need love, support and a tribe to help us through tough times. None of us should have to fight these battles alone.

“Be the person who is a life changer for someone and your life is also enriched with joy and a sense of pride“ –Daryl Wizelman