Who are you and what do you seek?

Many years back, as an undergraduate, I watched a production of Anna Karenina at a fringe theater in London in which the actors portraying Leo Tolstoy’s Konstantin Levin and Anna Karenina stood at opposite ends of the stage, taking turns asking one another, “Where are you now?” Which led to them alternatively taking the spotlight and delving into episodes of their lives, sharing their misfortunes and their moments of joy, too. It was vulnerable, intimate, and enabled the audience to know each of the protagonists throughout the various and evolving stages of their lives. A reminder that as our lives transition, who we are and what we seek often shifts.

Who are you?

Considering that we spend so much time with ourselves and witness ourselves in different contexts daily – work, family, play – why is it so hard to know ourselves and what we want? In job interviews, candidates are often asked to share a bit about themselves. Some candidates launch into a chronology of their career accomplishments and employment. They are certainly sharing one aspect of who they are, but achievements and career movement tend to relate only part of one’s story. Often, it’s the other elements of our lives – what we do for fun, our passion-driven pursuits, how or where we grew up – that make us interesting and unique.

If you have ever been faced with sharing details about yourself to young children, it becomes immediately clear that children do not care too much about job titles or career triumphs. They want to identify with you in a concrete way: do you have a cat or a dog? What is your superpower – and what did you do to achieve it? Do you get along with your parents? They want to know if you live in a house like they may, or if you live in a cave or haunted house, which will undoubtedly make you mysterious and interesting. Children are often willing to dive right in and ask tough questions. They are curious by nature, and have a sense of wonder. They want to know you, beyond all the stuff that gets in the way, and often, they have a way of reminding us of who we are at our core.

Who are you is perhaps one of the most complex questions we face in our lifetimes. For one thing, our lives are not static, nor are they something to solve, much the way we can decipher a mystery. We are always in flux, always processing, and constantly adapting. We are continuously re-evaluating and making choices which in turn reconstruct who we’re becoming and our path ahead.

Discovering who we are is undoubtedly a process of self-examination and reflection, but as we are always in a state of learning who we are, we may never arrive at a definitive conclusion. Perhaps who we are is the compilation of all that we were, and all that we are becoming, with a sense of wonder tossed in to keep us open to possibility.  

What do you seek?

The fascinating thing about life is that no matter how much each of us plots and plans our future, no matter how clear we may be as to what we seek, no one knows what comes next. Life has a way of directing us if we remain ready to travel down new corridors and stay open to possibility.

Then there’s the fact that what many of us seek is twofold: the public version and the private version. Publicly, we may want to be a CEO and sit in the proverbial corner office. Privately, though, one may wish to be a ballroom dancer, or a good parent, or a best-selling author. It’s challenging to marry our public and private selves and be honest about what we seek, as it makes us vulnerable. What if people laugh at what you really want or view you as unfit to accomplish it? It’s difficult to find one’s inner voice, let alone listen to it and follow one’s path.

Some people have an innate drive to make the world a better place, while others are driven to make more money. There is no right or wrong. But often, we can spend lifetimes pursuing routes that do not align with who we really are or what we seek in our purest moments. Often, who we are and what we pursue in life has been fed to us by way of media, and sometimes, our well-meaning families and friends.  How do we unravel what we seek? For starters, we cultivate space within us to listen, reflect, and to explore our motivations, dreams, and truth.

Perhaps one of the most inviting aspects of life is that we can change at any time. But change is hard work. It requires commitment. It requires accountability and flexibility. While it is easy to stay who and where we are, for most of us there comes a point when it becomes exhausting to travel a path that no longer aligns with our values and beliefs.  

Who are you and what do you seek? These are questions that you will likely pursue answers to your whole life. Do not let others sway you to sum up answers in a sentence: I am this. I seek that. The answers are as expansive and shifting as the sky. Knowing who you are is about uncovering your authentic self throughout your lifetime via self-reflection. Knowing what you seek is about cultivating a road that aligns with your internal compass, all the while staying open to the possible twists and turns that you may encounter along the way.