Who are you, really?

I happened to be on a panel discussion which turned into a debate about caste divides. On it happened to be two people from two ends of the caste hierarchy. There was a Brahmin actively trying to show solidarity and with the other castes and acknowledging that hers had the huge privilege. And there was a Dalit on the other side rebuffing the overtures of solidarity with the statement that they had their own clan and could look after themselves, thank you very much!

Growing up, I didn’t really know what caste I belonged to until the day my professor in law school woke me up from a light snooze in family law class saying ‘I am a shudra and so is Sandhya’. Now I grew up in a middle-class family and didn’t think I had access to any privileges nor did I expect or encounter any discrimination. But I did have the gift of education. And while people all over India have asked me about my surname or commented on my skin colour, I had no idea what the context was.

I’m not trying for one minute trying to discount the suffering and atrocities that people who belong to disadvantaged groups face. My blood has boiled and I have picked up the cudgels on more than one occasion when I have seen discrimination against a particular religious group or community in my neighbourhood and city.

What I would like to do is to explore the idea of identity. Throughout history, sociologists and historians have underlined just how important our sense of identity is. From our earliest tribal roots to our modern-day WhatsApp groups, we have felt a sense of belonging, a feeling of being seen and accepted, of being heard, and being looked out for, when we belong to a tribe.

But identity is neither written in stone (however much religious institutional heads may proclaim otherwise) nor is it permanent. Let’s take caste itself…was the original idea not that we were all born as equal-ish creatures and as our desires and proclivities emerged and manifested, we would be sorted out into the different castes according to our vocation? Kind of like the Sorting Hat in the Harry Potter series. No more no less. That way you could hang out with your peers, create a shared vocabulary and bonding exercises, share a healthy rivalry with those of the other 'houses' and then gather together in the Great Hall for a meal at the end of the day.

Image courtesy Warner Bros

Unfortunately, the temptation to pass on our perceived privileges is great. Institutions of all kinds - religious, educational, political, business, among others, take pride in passing on the legacy of identity through blood lines. This creates rigidity and crustiness within the establishments and it also leaves the new generation unseen, and unheard for who they really are.

Imagine you’re carrying on happily, discovering yourself and the world around you, and suddenly someone tells you you’re Lithuanian, or Jewish, or a Libran (for anyone who’s wondering, there’s NO evidence of any correlation between planetary positions and personalities, let alone causation). Suddenly you’re expected to behave a particular way or believe certain values? If someone were to say this to you as an adult, you might find this, at best, perplexing. And maybe your brain will try and retrofit a few ideas because we do love patterns and answers! But feed these to a child from the minute they are born, and things suddenly take a far more insidious turn. The child will believe that THIS IS REALITY. THE TRUTH. THIS IS WHO I AM.

And of course the horrific discriminatory and dehumanising practices towards the ‘other’ and less privileged that must follow, quite likely will. For, for there to be an ‘us’ there must be a ‘them’.

One idea could be to right these inequalities and give equal opportunity to all of these groups. But these are still identities that we cling on to (and they serve fabulous purposes politically and make a few people very rich and powerful).

Another could be to simply de-identify or wear these identities lightly. If you think about it, we constantly shed identities and grow into new ones – childhood for adulthood (one hopes), student for professional, lover for parent, dreamer for waker. And yet, in each of these, there is an enduring sense of ‘this is me’. Do we ever stop to ask who this ‘me’ or ‘I’ is? How can such vastly different external manifestations still have a common sense of oneness running through them?

This is been a question that philosophers have asked for centuries and it might serve us well today when our identities are being manipulated to create that ‘us’ versus ‘them’. It gets our chaddis in a twist and we get all riled up and give generously of our time, energy, and resources to uphold or challenge our place in the hierarchy of identities.

But who were we before became this manifestation? It is when we forget this ‘us’ is that we become very attached to our externalities – whether it’s our gender, our sexual orientation, our caste, our professional qualification, our nationality, or our Gucci handbag. What we really are saying is “look at me… look at the qualities I’m projecting…can you see?me?!” And in that desperate desire to be seen, we box ourselves, cage ourselves, limit ourselves. And we suffer. And cause others to suffer.

So the question I am asking today is: are you willing to take off that Armani jacket that cloaks your real self and let the world see you in your limitless and blazing glory? The truth may just be less terrifying than we imagine, and could just set us free.

Image courtesy?Who What Wear