Who Are You Negotiating With? Understanding Negotiation Personalities - The Bully & The Maverick
Devon Smiley
Negotiation & Commercial Consultant for startup + scaleup founders and their teams
One of the most interesting parts of a negotiation is discovering the personality of your counterparts, and figuring out how to best work with them. But this is also one of the most stressful and challenging parts of a negotiation. In this series, we’ll look at some of the personalities you may find sitting across the table from you during a negotiation, and discuss how to identify them, how to best work with them – and what to do if this is…you.
NEGOTIATION PERSONALITIES: THE BULLY
HOW TO SPOT THEM
No doubt about it, Bullies come in all sorts – male or female, young or old, Executives and Associates. Sometimes, you’ll know from your very first interaction that you’re dealing with a Bully, and other times they’ll fly under the radar for a bit before revealing themselves through the words and actions they direct to others.
If you’ve been in their direct line of fire, you’ll have no doubt who the Bully is at the table, but if you’ve managed to avoid such a fate, you’ll want to be on the lookout for: an overly loud voice, aggressive or belittling language (“what kind of stupid idea is that?”), physical intimidation (banging on tables) and even silent treatment or shunning members of either negotiation team.
HOW TO WORK WITH THEM
In cases where there’s a Bully on your counterpart’s team, having one of your own can be a good counter balance. It lets them know that you’re not about to be pushed around. Fire meeting fire may be uncomfortable for the more restrained members on the team, but out of those confrontations can come a great deal of mutual respect…IF handled professionally.
If a team member is a Bully and it’s creating tension with either their colleagues or is detrimental to the progress of the negotiation, call a time-out and address the issue outside of the conference room. Maintain composure and be unified – not calling them out on it in front of the counterparts. If behaviour isn’t changing – time to change the team. Perhaps their specialist skill set is best used during the behind-the-scenes preparation for the negotiation as a part of the Council, rather than on the front lines.
When the Bully is on your counterpart’s team, whether bad behaviour is directed at your team OR at a member of their own team…say something!
Let them know, in the most professional way possible that you’re displeased or disappointed with their tone and the atmosphere they’re creating, and ask them to adjust their behaviour. If they don’t – leave, or ask them to leave. I’ve done both in my time. The key is remaining calm: "This tone is unacceptable, and if it continues, this meeting will not." You don’t want to snap and say something you’ll either regret, or that lowers you to their level.
WHAT IF THIS IS YOU?
Oh dear. Some Bullies don’t even know they’re Bullies. They think that they just “tell it like it is” or believe in “tough love”. But if you subscribe to either of these mantras, and if people are clamming up around you, not wanting to sit near you, getting flustered or leaving the room, averting their eyes, growing red-faced and crying while you’re talking to them…
It may not be that they’re shy. Or intimidated by your intelligence/success/stature…they may be scared of you. And while it will be tempting to use that fear to extract an agreement from them, it is the worst way to build a strong, sustainable relationship.
The good news is that you don’t always have to have this effect on people. Try taking 10-second pauses before responding to someone, filling the space with a deep breath or two. You can also look into emotional intelligence training or anger management counselling…after all, you’ll get far more flies (and better negotiation results) with honey than with vinegar.
NEGOTIATION PERSONALITIES: THE MAVERICK
HOW TO SPOT THEM
Hold onto your hats if a Maverick is in the room! They’re going to be a bit louder or more rambunctious than others – and may even have a slightly more eccentric dress sense. They aren’t afraid to stand out, or to make themselves heard. As discussions progress, you’ll notice that the Maverick balks at structure or rules, preferring to keep the negotiation rather free form. They’re also most likely to take a step (or three) beyond their official approval powers in order to get the deal done.
HOW TO WORK WITH THEM
If you have a Maverick as a counterpart, be aware that you’re not going to be able to rein them in all the way. If their flagrant dismissal of structure in your discussions is bothering you, speak up and try to suggest a middle-ground – Mavericks should respond well, provided they don’t feel caged by rules and regulations. Look at their outlandish/out of process ideas as inspiration for getting creative with your own approach to problem solving – there is always something better than the status quo.
As partners, if both are flexible, combining a Type A with a Maverick can bring the best of both worlds to your negotiation. Big ideas, fast pace and dynamic discussions from the Maverick – but packaged, approved and standardized by the Type A. IF (it’s a big if…) they can learn to work together and find a balance, you have negotiation gold.
WHAT IF THIS IS YOU?
Corporate structures can be tough for a Maverick, especially when you’re not yet the boss. You don’t have to like the rules, but you have to respect them. Push to change them, yes. Bring your good ideas to the table. But look for signs of irritation from partners and counterparts – and make a shift towards a more measured approach in order to move the discussions forward. Using restraint and patience during the negotiations will mean even better pay-offs when you do share a bold idea with the team.
Other Articles In This Series Include:
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Devon Smiley is a Negotiation Consultant & Speaker for entrepreneurs, startups and corporates. With 15 years of experience and over $5billion in deals closed, she helps clients around the world shake off ineffective negotiation techniques and habits and embrace a creative, collaborative approach to getting their best deals yet.
To learn more about how Devon can help you and your team build their negotiation skills, get in touch at [email protected] or here on LinkedIn.