Who is "they" you keep talking about?

I hear a lot of people refer to “they” when they’re talking about a problem they’re facing in life. 

Perhaps you’re on the cusp of trying something new, putting yourself out there and the fears are creeping in...

They will judge me

They always criticize me

They won’t understand

But, pause for a moment and consider... Who is “they?”

Often we feel the criticism or misunderstanding from one person or one group of people and we lump everybody into that category, convincing ourselves that everyone is against us. 

But it’s just not true.

Not everybody will judge you. 

Not everybody will criticize you. 

Not everybody will misunderstand. 

Catch yourself in those moments. Do you hear yourself talking about “they” in broad terms, not really knowing who you’re talking about?

Here’s what I do when I’m tempted to lay the blame on the infamous “they.”

I identify who the problem is with

Usually, the problem comes back to a difficulty with one person in your life.

It might be your mother, your boss, your best friend or your neighbor.

Whatever the problem, dig down to what’s really bothering you so you can start dealing with the core issue.

Maybe after doing some digging, you discover the problem isn’t with any person at all and it’s actually your own inner critic laying into you. And if that’s the case, it’s time to shut that voice down. 

Decide what action you’re going to take

Once you’ve identified who the problem is actually with, you can make a choice about what action you’re going to take.

• Perhaps you need to journal what’s going on so you can work through some unresolved issues.
• Do you need to block someone on social media?
• Do you need to make a phone call or catch up with that person to have an honest conversation?

Communication is the key

We need to be having more conversations. 

Communication is the key to everything that isn’t working when it comes to another human being in our lives.

Most of the time, things can be resolved if you approach a person with an open and honest conversation.

Don’t let a problem linger and get blown out of proportion because you’re too scared to have a confronting conversation. 

Stop blaming “they” and find out what’s really going on.

I recently recorded a podcast episode all about this topic. Check it out.