Who Are You?

By A. Abeku Haywood-Dadzie

Tell me about yourself. Or who are you? This question is asked so often that it sounds like an easy question to answer. But if I may ask, how well do you know yourself? How well are you in control of your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears? What will your response be? What if I asked what motivates you? And how do you behave within your ecosystem? What will you say?

Socrates is quoted as saying "an unexamined life is not worth living." His prescription for an unexamined life is simply "Man know thyself" and the problem of personal identity."

It's imperative to note that for us?to be effective in today’s emotionally saturated and conflict-prone environment, we must understand how our emotions and actions affect us and the people around us. We must be equipped with the ability and the capacity to read, understand, interpret, analyze, and apply both systems and design thinking to issues within our environment at the speed of light. This is what will separate good people from great people. The way we relate to the environment while using the aforesaid tools to make decisions determines how successful we will become.

Tom Peters once said, "we are CEO’s of our own companies: Me Inc." To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketers for the brand called YOU." It can be inferred from Tom Peters' statement that our behaviour and attitude are our brands and on a daily basis we add or subtract to the value of our brand with our actions and inactions. To survive in today’s environment, we therefore must learn to manage our brand today. To succeed, we must constantly position our brand to take advantage of tomorrow’s market; by consistently scanning our environment and positioning ourselves to get the best from it.

Not just that, surviving in today’s "emotional traffic" calls for special skills that will enable us to be proactive rather than reactive in managing the aforementioned brand. One such unique skill that distinguishes good employees from great employees in today’s turbulent environment is known as Emotional Intelligence [EI]. According to Daniel Goleman, "It’s the capacity for recognising our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions in ourselves and in our relationships." He emphasised that what differentiates good employees from great employees isn’t technical skills or intelligence quotient [IQ], but emotional intelligence [EI].

Emotional intelligence is not about being nice in the face of disengagement, misalignment, or underperformance. It’s not about being expressive, effusive, unreserved, and it's not about being touchy-feely. John D. Mayer captured it this way. "It’s not agreeableness. It is not optimism. It is not happiness. It is not calmness. It is not motivation. Such qualities, although important, have little to do with intelligence, little to do with emotions, and nearly nothing to do with actual emotional intelligence.

Insight on Emotional Intelligence [EI] was shared by Daniel Goleman, when he enumerated the five components of EI in his article in the Harvard Business Review; self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. According to him, self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand one's moods, emotions, and drives as well as their effect on others. Another key ingredient of EI identified by Daniel Goleman is self-regulation; the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. He indicated that self-regulation equips the individual with trustworthiness and integrity and helps the individual to be comfortable with ambiguity and change.

Motivation is the third key ingredient of EI. Daniel Goleman defined it as a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and a propensity to pursue and achieve goals with energy and persistence. Motivation is the adrenaline that drives the individual to achieve for the sake of achievement, an unflagging energy to improve and exhibit optimism in the face of failure. Daniel Goleman again postulated that the ability to understand the emotional make-up of other people, or empathy, is the fourth key ingredient of EI. Empathy involves the skill of treating people according to their emotional reaction. That is considering and analysing the feelings of others and being sensitive to cross cultural differences, especially when making decisions. Empathy does not only assist in developing others; it also builds the capacity of the leader to attract and retain talent. Finally, according to Daniel Goleman, social skills are another ingredient of EI and he defined it as the proficiency in managing relationships and building networks. He explained that an individual must have the capacity to find common grounds and build rapport with others to be efficient and effective.

At the heart of emotional intelligence is cultural intelligence, defined by Van Dyne et al.?"as a person's capability to function effectively in situations characterised by cultural diversity."?Dr. Fons Trompenaars, on his part, submitted that the key to developing intercultural competency, which is at the heart of emotional intelligence and social skills, is to use the five R's: "Recognize-Respect—Reconcile-Realize and Root." He explained that managing cultural situations effectively and efficiently involves an awareness of the fact that there are different cultures at play anytime we come together.?Building intercultural competence requires that?we become aware?of our own cultural preferences. This helps us to understand and respect other cultures. It also helps us to appreciate the fact that although each culture may have different views on a subject matter, each view must be respected, and reasons adduced why it may not be acceptable in a particular situation. Once we recognise our own cultural preferences and respect the cultural preferences of others, it makes it easy for us to come up with creative solutions to reconcile cultural differences so as to create a new unique culture that is acceptable to all. The?reason why most people who have travelled far and wide are more tolerant of other cultures is the fact that most have developed high intercultural competency as a result of their engagements with other cultures.

Another way to answer the question, "Who am I?" is to use a tool known as the Johari Window. The Johari Window, created by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, helps us to better understand our relationship with ourselves and others. It's described as a house with four rooms, or quadrants: Room 1 is the part of ourselves that both we and others see. It's called the "open" or "arena." This quadrant represents traits of a person that both they (themselves) and their peers (others) are aware of. Room 2 is the aspects of ourselves that others see but we are not aware of. It's called the Blind Area. This quadrant represents information about ourselves that we are not aware of, but others can see, as they decide whether and how to inform us of these "perception gaps".?Despite what the common phrase may convey, "What we don't know can hurt us!" Room 3 is our private space, which we know but keep from others, as it's called our "hidden place" or "fa?ade." This quadrant represents information about which we, but not others, are aware, as it's up to us to selectively disclose or not disclose information to other people. Room 4 is a mysterious room in that it represents the part of us that is neither seen by us nor other people, and it's known as?the Unknown or Future Discovery Area.?

From the above, one of the best ways to answer the question "who am I?" is by consistently seeking feedback. It is said that high-performing individuals have a clear perception of their personality?and know who they are because they actively seek feedback from their environment, since the best assessment of competency comes from feedback and self-introspection. For Peter F. Drucker, "the only way to discover your strength is through feedback analysis."

So let’s hear the conclusion of the matter. The greatest leader ever to walk on the face of the earth, "the famous Carpenter from Nazareth," who transformed the lives of His team made up of tax collectors and fishermen, unlearned, ignorant, and ordinary men, to take over His ministry and do greater works, so that it has lasted for over two-thousand years and has over three billion followers, once asked His team. Who do men say I am?

Question: Who are you?