Is This who WE want to be?

There’s no question in my mind that our current democracy is cracked. I’m just hopeful that the cracks can let some light in and out.

There’s 99 days left before the Presidential election in November, and the campaigns seem riddled with rage, hate, distrust, attack, and polarization.

Is this who WE want to be?

It is so easy in any given moment to feel fear, distrust, frustration, and/or hopelessness.

What tends to happen next is, we find friends who think like us to reinforce our opinion, and attack back on social media. Or if you’re more engaged in the process, maybe you raise large sums of money to counterattack through ads and messages.

How do we stop these patterns?

It doesn’t start with WE. It starts with ME.

I, or you, can keep pointing fingers and making ‘them’ the enemy.

OR

I can stop blaming and decide I will lead with my heart for the next 99 days. When I can make that choice, in any given moment, possibly over and over again, I will be at peace.

So, what does lead with heart mean?

It’s simple (not easy).

Worry less about other people’s attack and start letting go of my own attack and blame.

I know when I am being kind.

I know when I am listening.

I know when I am speaking my truth.

I know when I am curious in deeply listening to someone else.

Leading with my heart doesn’t mean I won’t speak up.

I will.

But if speaking up is just me going on the attack or counterattack, I want to stop, pause, and check in.

Attacks are a cry for help. Too often when someone is yelling at me, I don’t recognize the need behind the scream. I don’t hear the need in large forums filled with words of meanness or hate. I don’t hear the need when scrolling through social media reading angry, vicious words thrown at one side or the other.

However, when I am sitting across from another person, even when they are screaming, I have a chance to get beyond the loud and sense, see, and feel their need.

At my best, I have been able to meet someone there and extend an open hand instead of a fist. I have sought to understand. Even when I haven’t, I am not one to walk away and pray for them. I walk away and pray for myself – to be more open, more curious, more kind.

Not at my best, I have needed to step away and listen to music that opens my heart and reminds me my enemy isn’t another person. My enemy is the fear in my brain, my ego, that tells me that person is my enemy, and I treat them as less than.

I am not sure my current path will lead to an election in which I am confident in the end results. But I do know that just fighting to win isn’t going to work either.

An old Zen master said: “If you want cookies, bring the cookies.” Don’t expect the other person to bring the cookies. You step up.

In a political cycle this gets incredibly loud for me, but in reality, this is a path I can take in any moment in life.

This week if you feel under attack try this:

• Consider the ‘attacker’ has a need and is calling for something.
• For sure an attack is a lack of love or kindness – that may be a clue to the need.
• If you are NOT in a space to bring your heart or kindness – go listen to music or the equivalent for you.
• Come back when your heart is open.

I think that is the only way to let the light in and out of the cracks in our democracy.

May you lead with your heart open this week.