Who are we if we do not have an Identity?

Since I grew up, I have been hearing about following things:

1) The identity that is expected from me by my parents

2) The identity that is expected from me by my teachers, mentors & educators

3) The identity that is expected from my friends

4) The identity that is expected from my relatives, religion, race, ethnicity, country and communities

5) The identity that is expected from my partner, kids, and their extended connections (Ex: how my kid's teacher would expect me to be)

6) The identity that is expected from me by my work colleagues, managers, teams and company

7) The identity that is expected from my peers, peer learners, etc.

8) The identity that is expected from my clients & other stakeholders

Today I was pondering, "Who am I, if I don't have any of those identities without those expected identities?"

I can still be someone with my own identity. But, will I choose to be? No. I may not, because I might face an identity crisis if I dont align with some of those expected identities. I will feel isolated if I dont align with them. I may feel like I dont belong, if I dont align to them.

This again made me to wonder about the system that we are part of, which shapes our identity, rather than allows us to shape our own identity, based on our needs to thrive through this soul.

Imagine if I am a clay and if I give permission to create my identity without imposing any of the expectations of identity that I receive from outside, i can take any form, any shape, any title, and colour, and sometimes even BE WITHOUT ANY IDENTITY. In that state, where I dont compare myself with any other, I am a Unique soul. My identity is ever evolving and sometimes there is no single identity. Sometimes I am okay about not having an identity, which will also not lead me in to an identity crisis.

Some clients who come for my sessions, they are coming to fulfill their need on the identity crisis, which is mostly imposed by the external world, and as a result the client is building a societal expectation of identity within themselves, and setting themselves under pressure to achieve that identity.

If we can lead ourselves without the identity threat, we can meet our own selves in a much deeper and calmer space where we could harmonize with ourselves, the world around us and the universe, where we dont operate with a sense of survival, rather operate from a space of thriving mode. In other words we call in coaching, growth mindset.

May be most of the world problems can never be solved because we are still addressing the survival crisis, by addressing the identity crisis and we label it as being in growth mindset. The journey between, want to become something and want to have something, want to do something, may be an endless loop, if we dont address the deeper issue which is the identity issue. In an economic society, if the identity issue is addressed the system may collapse with the agenda of why these systems created in the first place.

We can either address the deeper cause for the wound or just put a plaster with some medicine. To address the deeper cause of the issue, it also means going against something larger than you (at least for now its larger than you, gradually it can become smaller). Most communities may not co exist. Most entities have to be reformed. Most people may feel threatened because of their attachment to their identity.

Through my reflections, I am coming to a conclusion, that we all belong in this universe, whether we have an identity or not. We also have the power to live without an identity. The need for identity, is not from thyself and its wisdom. The need for identity is from the co created external world which is being conditioned within ourselves since we were born to this world. And most of the time we have invested our sweat, decisions, goals, actions, worries towards something that we never need for us to thrive in this world.

When I call as identity, I do highlight couple of things such as,

1) Which school you went to,

2) Who are your parents & what is their background

3) Whose favorite student are you, whose best friend are you, how many friends you have

4) Which university did you go to

5)What credentials you have

6) What are your qualifications

7) What are your abilities, skills, knowledge, etc.

8) What is your behaviour, life style, assets you have, etc.

9) How much your parents loved you, your siblings loved you, your partner loved you, your kids loved you

10) Am I married, to whom am I married to, am i divorced, do I have children, how many children I have and what have they achieved, etc.

11) Who & How many people, celebrate me, criticize me, appreciate me, abandon me, respect me

12) How much feeling of shame, guilt, fear, confidence, love am I holding to myself and with others, etc.

13) How many awards, rewards, recognitions, promotions, etc. did I get?

And the list goes on......................................

Isn't that a relief to know that we all can just BE and DO, and allow to shape our own Identity or be/do without an Identity??? And we can still BELONG with these different Shades?

I am retrospecting this with curiosity, though I may sound like validating it, sometimes we just define ourselves by the standards created by the system around us, and forget that we are also a system of our own, and can create our own identity, or not to define ourselves with labels and identities. In other words JUST LET IT BE!

What are your thoughts & reflections?

Feel free to share, agree, disagree, comment and have a thought provoking discussion to continue this thread!

Anushly Sithamparam

(Yes all these titles of my names are not my need, need of the system. And I have made peace with myself on that. It may have solved my lens, but I am not too sure whether it can solve the problem that I am noticing which is larger than me. Why am I holding something as titles (identity) to satisfy the system? Only when we can solve the larger problem, I can let go the titles that I am holding, to satisfy the system).

This is a shout out to everyone who goes through phases like I dont know what to do, I am going through midlife crisis, I am going through an identity crisis , etc.

This crisis is created by the system outside. Within you, you have the ability to co exist without these identities through the nature's creation.

When I think of why identities, they could have been created, may be they were created identify someone or something easily. May be over a period of time, we have not just used that to identify, but also define someone or something. This is where we could have confused the meaning of identities. We can identify someone or something in any way that we like, same time we can also be aware that they are not defined by those identities. They are much beyond and greater than the universe.