Who is Water Woman?

Hi, it’s me! Your friendly neighborhood Water Woman! And that’s Water—W-A-T-E-R—Woman. A kid once told me I was a “Wonder Woman hack.” Touché, young man. I suppose I am, however, last time I checked, Wonder Woman is still awesome and inspirational and I am thrilled to be associated with that star-bangled beauty.

I’m like most superheroes. I put my shiny pants on one leg at a time. Kids look up to me. Creepy dads want their picture taken with me. I make appearances, shake hands, kiss babies. I say my catchphrase, “To conserve and protect.”

I chose this superhero life.

I went to Denver last year for a huge conference where my co-workers and I had to perform a skit. Our superhero theme meant everyone had to wear capes. A gal offered to steam mine, as she was de-wrinkling the brand new ones. Upon delivery, she expressed her concern for how beat-up may cape was. “It’s a working cape,” I said. “A lot of miles on this thing.”

For two years now, I’ve been dragging my micron filter, membrane, and molecule model all over town. I’ve presented to thousands of kids—mostly elementary school, as middle schoolers don’t know if I’m still cool or not, and high schoolers definitely think I’m a dork. But that’s ok. My message is loud and clear—water is the most important thing on the planet. Why else would I go out in public like this?

My goal is to bring attention to water and how our lives literally depend on it. I deliver it more “cheerleady” than that, but the kids totally get the severity of the situation. We talk about ways to save water in their daily routine, which many of them are already doing. Turning the faucet off when they brush their teeth saves 8 gallons of water every day. A little tidbit I’m sure they’ll yell at their parents when they leave the water running. It’s the perfect plan—build a kid army to spread the water-saving word! (Insert evil laugh.)

I need to upgrade my superhero costume before I can plan for world domination though. I’m on my second shirt because my “Drain Snake of Truth” ripped a hole in the first one. And I’m on my third pair of pants because the shine keeps rubbing off. Beads are missing from my gauntlets and the cardboard “W” on my headband is all bent up.

I had no idea how much I’d be wearing this outfit. Or how many kids would want to hug me. Or how many steps I’d take in a pair of rubber rain boots. Who knew being a superhero would be this rewarding? Not this Water Woman. I can’t fly or turn invisible. I’m not super-strong or super-fast. But I love water. And that’s my superpower. And I’m darn good at it too.