Who Tells You That You Don’t Want What You Want?

How often do you allow yourself to be “talked out of” something that you want?

When I reflect on my own experiences and those of the women leaders I talk to, I realize that it happens more often than we think. We’re kind of trained for that, some more overtly than others.

My mother was a master at talking me out of things I wanted – or thought I wanted. To be fair, she usually had good intentions, and I learned some valuable lessons from her. Things like “what’s advertised on TV isn’t always what it appears to be” and “you have to take responsibility when you do get what you want”. The latter was almost always around having a pet.

They were good lessons, and I know she meant well. However, her approach may have had unintended consequences. Like me not always trusting what I want.

There are always well-intentioned people in our lives who tell us that we don’t really want something or that what we want is impossible. And it doesn’t hurt to listen to them. Occasionally, they are right!

But often, we allow ourselves to be dissuaded from claiming what we want by loved ones or so-called experts. And it’s tempting to listen to them.

For instance, I had a career coach tell me “you’ll never make any money writing, so you better have another source of income.”

In a lot of ways, it’s true, and it’s good advice. It’s “safe” advice, “practical” advice.

As women leaders, we’re all about practical, right? It’s how we succeed in business.

However, I realize now that that advice dissuaded me from pursuing my writing wholeheartedly and with focus.

Yes, I’ve written two novels (check them out here), countless blogs, and three chapters in multi-author books. I’m working on novel number three.

But what else could I have written had I spent more time writing rather than pursuing “other sources of income”? What difference would that have made in my writing career?

It’s not to say that I shouldn’t have other sources of income. I do need to pay the bills. But what different choices could I have made around that to allow more time for writing? Or to make writing a source of income in different ways?

But, it’s rarely helpful to play the “what if” game.

I will say that I’ve loved my experiences coaching fabulous women. I’ve benefitted personally from the training that I’ve done. I know that I’ve made an impact in my clients’ lives.

So, I truly don’t have regrets, and I’m not totally abandoning coaching.

I am putting more specific focus on writing because that’s what I love, that’s what I WANT! I want to see if I have more “grit” around my writing what I can accomplish.

That means writing more for myself – including finishing book three which I know many of you are waiting for – and coaching others to write and tell their stories.

Because stories and storytelling are what lights me up! That’s why I love my Daring to Transcend podcast so much. I get to talk to amazing women about their stories.

The reality is that when we let ourselves get talked out of something important to us – no judgment, we lose something valuable. We change our stories and, in a way, allow them to become someone else’s story and not ours.

Think for a moment: What would have happened if some of our Olympic heroes had listened to all the people who probably told them that the Olympics was just a pipe dream?

It’s up to us to claim and write our stories, the way we want them to be.

So, who are you allowing to tell you that you don’t want something? What story have you released that you might want to reclaim? Now, ask yourself, do I want it anyway???

If you do, trust yourself... and go for it!

_________________________________

I'm Karen Ann Bulluck . If you’re ready to reclaim your story… or even claim it for the first time… I’d love to support you. Because I’ve had support along the way in reclaiming my story, and I know how very valuable that can be.