Who Suicide Leaves Behind
Jason MacKenzie
I help business owners build teams that take ownership, follow through, and deliver their best work | Trusted by 2000+ leaders | Get my free Business Owner's Freedom Scorecard ??
This isn't written as a message to the amazing professionals on this site.
It's written to the incredible human beings on the site. The leaders who care deeply about their people. The teams that support and elevate one another.
More people are struggling now than they might have in the past. Maybe this message will help you help someone in some way.
11 years ago today, my first wife and birth mother of my beautiful daughters took her own life.
She fought valiantly against the demons that stalked her at every turn. Ultimately, she could fight no longer.
There are many of you reading this who have been in the pit of despair.
Some are right now.
You feel hopeless.
You feel like a failure.
You' feel like a burden.
You feel like your family would be better off without you.
You're wrong.
Let me give you some insight into the what the loss can look like 11 years later.
I'll be completely honest....
There were many times when her mental illness raged out of control that I wished Cindy was dead.
I just didn't know how much more I, or we, could take.
There was a period of time where I said, many times, that, as strange as it seems, we're better off with Cindy dead.
My thinking was that if she was never going to be able to "get it together" then the kids' lives would be better.
Less chaos. Less drama. More peace. More stability.
And some of that is definitely true.
When I said that, I was too na?ve, uneducated or unwilling to see the scars that had been left on the girls. And myself.
Let me give you a glimpse of what you might leave behind:
- kids who wrestle with feeling unworthy because they weren't good enough for you to stick around for
- kids who can't make sense of the love and hate they feel for you
- kids who look at what is happening now and think how everything would be better if mommy or daddy was here
- kids who compare your new partner with mommy or daddy and who will always come up short
- kids who when they are upset just want their mom or dad.
- kids who don't want to visit your grave because the emotions are just too overwhelming and then are wracked with guilt because of it.
- kids who search desperately for a "why" they can understand with no good answers to be found... and yet they keep looking because they have to
- a spouse who might take over 10 years to finally free himself and fully forgive you.
- a spouse who wrestles with trying to control himself in ways that are not always healthy because he spent so much time feeling out of control
They will survive. They will heal. And they will probably flourish in time.
But they will never be the same.
Look closely at this picture. Really stop for a minute and look at it.
This is what the girls have left of their mom.
It's not enough.
They need you. The world needs you.
Ask for help.
As many times as it takes.
Even when it feels like you can't take another step.
Keep fighting.
Professional Speaker I Working with manufacturers?? to connect the top to the shop. Removing roadblocks by changing behaviors resulting in ?systems that work everyday.
3 年Well written Jason, I needed to read this today. A reminder when you ask someone how they are doing, ask it with curiosity and authenticity. Sometimes just being open to saying 'not so good' and having someone to listen, can shift one's day. You are doing great work, keep going!
Senior Technology Resource - Infrastructure and Administration
3 年Everybody at a later stage in life has far too many of these stories now building up in their own life. I continue to have them, and fully support the notion to always be the voice to be there for those asking for it. I have made deep friendships with those "on the ledge" and been that voice when they asked for help, not knowing them but knowing they are all part of the one being called humanity. Through truly hard won experience, I have learned your life has to be lived unconditionally and as judgement free as possible. Having children with mental disorders I help them struggle through I can also echo this journey can be a grinding toll, but then they are unwell, it's not them you are speaking to, it's the demons. I would add it's important to us to all remember the time it takes to help one another is irreplaceable. You could be that once voice, that light that keeps another from giving up. We all need to remember that more than any one other message as humans. If not now, when?
Director, General Investigations
3 年Jason, thank you so much for sharing ????
Navigator - Digital Platforms
3 年Thank you Jason. I find it so amazing how we haven’t had a lot of 1on1 interaction but yet I feel deeply moved by you and your teachings over the past couple of years both professionally and personally. My mother although officially died from a heart attack it was brought on by a deep depression and pain in her life that caused her to reach out for various meds that conflicted and ultimately was too much to handle. I agree with you, please reach out and talk to someone. We will all need help at some point. So many of us suffer in silence and it doesn’t have to be that way. Anyone who needs a friend, a coffee partner, or just a good ear, just know there is someone out there for you. If your circle doesn’t have that someone then use employee assistance programs, 1-800 help lines, a trusted leader or peer. There is an option and you are worth every minute of time they will spend with you. You will pay them back and more just by asking for help. It’s okay. People want to help. One day at a time.