Who says life is Fair?

2015 is just a few days away from becoming a memory - well hopefully. I really don't mind if my memory is a sad one or a happy one.... as long as I remember it! Why you ask? Well, simply because as I look back, there are periods of time in my past that still remain a haze - an emptiness with nothing really to recollect. Same mundane things with same mundane activities. Mind you, I am talking about my ‘non-work’ life... Yeshasvini as a human being life... My professional avataar, in 2015 has been a roller coaster and so much has happened. But as an entrepreneur you Zen out this experience too over time. It has been 6 years! I am told that I am always balanced, in control of my emotions and doing things that is seemingly normal, not indulging is gossip or anything remotely evil-devil, being too much of a home bird... You know, a good view across the sea shore or a hill top with books, a hot cup of masala chai and some good music... that is life for me!

The quiet time sets me thinking - What really is it then that builds memories?

With periods of time in my life a haze, I reflect - Is it leading a life of extremities where everything that you do is a little stretched from norms of everyday life a good thing? Do I really take that effort to move out of my comfort zone?

I started working backwards - my death bed question... any regrets? It was scary to begin. I was imagining myself to be that frail and dependent old woman, something that I am not today. As I started to dig right in, thoughts started flooding my mind. As if to not drown myself, I quickly started to make a conscious effort to make sense of all that I was feeling. There was a feeling of insecurity with regards to finances as I was sure that the healthcare costs will become some crazy unimaginable figure after a few years. I hastily veered my thoughts towards my family… with the quick contrarian realization that everyone is entitled to their own lives; So, can I really depend on them? I began to feel a sense of helplessness. It is at that very crucial point that I stopped and forced my mind to think about positives - think about what happy memories I can have that I can cherish and how do I really care for myself?  

You see, I read a lot and am always in a research zone most of the times. And when I have asked people to can stare into mortality, their most common regret is - I wish I had the courage to live the life true to myself, not the life others expected of me... There have been so many books written about it that it can almost fill the entire room! So, to me the most important question became - what do I really want out of life? Money? Family? Experience? Learning? or a juxtaposition of all…? Now who wouldn't want that? :)

 Should I continue to be on the dream tread mill, because of the huge marketing campaigns around life and holidays and adventure, where everyone from your friends and relatives endorse - living on the edge is so cool especially on Face Book! (God! I hate it…!), or do I have the internal courage to be mundanely cool? 

 Well, you know the thoughts were many but I take the time here to summarize - My life is about me at the end of the day and as much as I like to be independent and without strings, our journey is going to end with a lot of help and dependence. So it became clear to me that the outcome doesn’t matter, but the happiness we can create in the journey itself is what truly matters.

So what, if I don't get the chance to go paragliding or my budgets don't allow for the golden burger (yes, it is real!) or I have to let go of my family time for that very important client meeting. At the end of the day, it IS my story. I need to accept it with all humility. My life is not perfect, or larger than life, but my life is MINE and mine alone to cherish, celebrate and share it with others. It will always be those quintessential values that will be stay with me... of honesty and care for others.

My life should be a good story - interesting and humorous - not an excuse. Never!

Like many people who have New Year resolutions, mine will be 3 simple ones for 2016:

1. I will take the courage to express my feelings, and be ready to face the consequences - take the good and the bad with equal panache and grace
2. I will take the extra effort to connect with nature and be healthy
3. I will, like always, smile

 Of course, I will still continue to read, have masala chai and accept that there will be periods of time where it will all become a hazy picture..., but hey! Living my life imperfectly will be far better than living someone else's perfectly. Don't you think?

 Cheers to Life and to memories… although we may sometimes feel it’s unfair! :) :) Cheers to 2016!