Who Makes the Right Decision for you? Parents, You or Google?

Last night my mother called me and with a lot of excitement in her tone announced, ‘we finally found the best bride for you’! Her happiness of this achievement was like the world has won the battle against Covid-19. She said, ‘I went to see the girl for you with your uncles’. I asked her, ‘how do you know that she is the best match for me’? She said, the girl had been very shy, just smiled at her and ran away. Being shy, not speaking and running away, all these attributes are enough for a person to be my life partner. However, I do not blame my mother, it's instilled into our culture.  

This is what happens in my colony, in most parts of India and possibly in other places around the world. Parents or relatives make decisions about our lives. Those decisions affect every single aspect of our destiny, from education to job and of course, who to marry. Does that sound weird to you? Maybe. However, still, this is what happens to one person out of every ten on this planet. Boys and girls have no right to choose their education, their occupation, and most importantly, their spouse. They are considered immature children until the wedding ceremony, as if the marriage (or sex life) magically would turn them into responsible adults, allowing them to make their own decisions not only about their own life, but also about the lives of anyone else in the family who are not married yet. 

I don’t remember a single case when a child (or youngster) objected to the elderly’s decisions. If you dared to do so, you would be thrown out of the caste for the rest of your life and would be considered untouchable. Since I am studying in Malaysia, my mother is scared. She is worried that I would get married here and my family will be thrown out of the caste.

My parents and four uncles are the highest authorities to make decisions in my name. Why actually I do not like this system? Because their decisions do not match with my choices or preferences in terms of education, culture and so forth. They know very little about me, my preferences, my taste, my choice of books, my thoughts. In fact they have no interest in it, but still they think they make an informed and right decision in my name. You tell me; can you make an informed decision without having any information? 

What I have learned during my MBA is that all the big corporations have to gather a hell lot of data to make a right decision. In my case no data is required by my mother, though this decision is about my entire life, not about one financial year for the company. As far as my parents and my uncles are concerned, they never tracked me, what I like to read, like to watch, like to talk about. They have no data about my daily life. We are well aware that Google knows about our every move on the web. It tracks everything from what kind of articles we read, videos we watch, to how many hours we spend on Facebook or on Instagram, what we buy and so on. Who has more info about me? My uncles or Google?

Don't you think Google knows more about you than your family members and relatives? Google recommends options and helps to make the possible best decision. In case of choosing the right wife, who could suggest the better option for you, Google or your parents and uncles? An informed decision is made based on available information, right? So, technically I believe Google would make a far better decision for me than anybody else in the world. 

We live in two parallel worlds, one real and one digital world. Don't we? We now have digital parents and relatives, too. Basically we trust them more than anybody else. Don't we? Do not we trust Waze or Google maps to reach our destination more than our parents? We even trust them more than ourselves. 

On one hand I would be happy if the authority to choose a wife shifted from my relatives to Google in the future. At least I would have a wife based on my own, not on my mother’s preferences. Because Google won’t make the decision just by looking at a girl for a few seconds, the way my uncles and parents do. 

On the other hand I am also afraid that in the future my parents and relatives will be replaced by Google, Amazon, Alibaba and Netflix. Because whenever I go to their websites, they suggest what to do next. The only thing I like about my digital parents and relatives is that they seemingly make the right decision for me. However, sometimes such interruption by my digital parents and relatives in my personal life makes me feel insecure. My parents and relatives care about my safety. Do my digital parents and relatives care about my online safety and security? 

It might not be a problem if Google knows this much about you. It is good, if Google can find the best life partner for you, the one you really are looking for. The problem starts when these data are used to manipulate you, in terms of which type of underpants or shirt to buy, whom to vote for, which restaurant to choose for lunch or dinner. My parents want the best for me, based on their experience. My digital parents want to optimize my spending, serving not me but the big companies. 

The problem starts when it persuades me to buy one more shirt or trousers, even though I really do not need them. The problem starts when my personal information is sold to a political party or to a big corporation to change my views about politics and brands.

In fact the call last night was the ninth occasion my mother found the perfect bride to me. I refused every time. I wonder if I am able to resist my digital parents this long, to prevent them, too, from intruding in my personal life.

Do you think that Google will ever consider me as an adult, will ever stop manipulating me, even after marriage?