Who looks after the leaders?

Context

What do leaders do during tough times? When one explores the literature and listen to consultants there is so much advice that it can be overwhelming.

?The language is different, but the gist is the always the same:

1. Control your fear
2. Do not let your emotions take hold of you
3. Look after your people
4. Build trust
5. Create stability.

?All of these are obviously necessary and relevant, and many companies go far to equip leaders with the skills to do exactly that. But the recent challenges we faced as a country (the COVID 19 pandemic, violence and riots leading to destruction of businesses, load-shedding, economic instability and other deep challenges) does make me wonder – who is looking after the leaders?

?The challenge leaders face

Article after article I see provide insight on how leaders can connect with their people and look after their mental health and well-being. Many leaders do this extremely well (and at times at their own expense), while also trying to maintain business as usual and drive sales and performance. We forget that a lot of them experience exactly the same challenges and pressures. Now, I know there is a school of thought that expects our leaders to be strong and brave during tough times and not to show emotional vulnerability.

?This reminds me of the Paula Cole song ‘Where have all the cowboys gone?’

?Where is my Marlboro man

Where is his shiny gun

?Where is my lone ranger

Where have all the cowboys gone?

?We expect that in times of uncertainty our leaders will be the steadfast rock, the superhero that deals with all our fears and anxieties. We expect them to be the person that is clear on the direction to go. Often leaders want the same thing – they want to be the Marlboro man or woman. But aren’t leaders just people too? Is it fair to expect of them to always be the Lone Ranger that takes on the outlaws?

?I have the privilege to frequently engage with leaders through our various leadership development programmes and what I currently hear is language associated with emotional exhaustion. They are tired of making sense of stuff and battling to find ways to deal with uncertainty. At least the Lone Ranger had his trusted friend Tonto – for a lot of leaders theirs is a solitary and lonely experience.

?I fully understand that people choose a leadership role. I also get that organisations are battling with poor leadership and in some instances, it is the leader actually causing the uncertainty and challenges. What I’m talking about is those leaders that end up bearing the weight of the organisation in addition to their own personal and family needs. From personal experience I know this can be a very lonely place to be.

?Making a case for leadership self-care

Having created some context in terms of what I'm talking about it is logical to ask leaders what they are doing about themselves and the challenges they face. Do they prioritise self-care in their own lives?

?In the majority of cases we have engaged with, the answer to that question is a resounding NO. Unfortunately, many leaders believe that they need to have all the answers. Recently in a conversation with a leader she made it very clear that a form of self-care intervention that we implemented was a waste of her time because she believed that it forced her to choose between herself and her performance. Her mental model was one of performance at any cost.

?Showing vulnerability seems to be another no-go area for leaders. We all know that cowboys don't cry and avoid showing weakness. Another client discussed a business challenge with me. After a small show of empathy from my side, the dam wall burst, and all her emotions spilled out. She apologised for a week for her behaviour. ?I’m not always sure to what extent we as leaders need to show our vulnerability – but I do know we cannot build trust in our organisations without showing some signs of authenticity.

?Maybe part of the challenge is based on how we think about organisational performance and health. We know that healthy companies dramatically outperform their peers, and we have longitudinal research that proves this over time and across industries. But what is interesting is how many companies focus only on financial performance. Any other performance metrics are deprioritised.

?Companies with a healthy recipe are more resilient during tough times and the same holds true for leaders. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) Chuck Norris isn't going to show up to start looking after the leaders. As Grace Lee Boggs said "'we need to embrace the idea that we are the leaders we've been looking for''. So, I think the argument I’m making is that as a leader it can’t only be about the performance – it has to be healthy and sustainable performance. For this to happen leaders need to take care of themselves.

?Are you still struggling with the concept of self-care for leaders? I think the conversation could start with our definition of what good leadership means. How do leadership teams look and behave in healthy, high performing organisations? Here's a comparison which I think is helpful.

?Do you remember the good old days when we used to travel in aeroplanes? Before take-off I recall the crew reminding us that in the case of an emergency, we should put our own mask on first and then go about assisting others.

?Below are some questions that might help you to trigger some thoughts and perspectives on looking after yourself as a leader:

?·????????If a leader that you respect was struggling with stress and uncertainty, what would you advise them to do? Does some of this advice need to apply to your own life?

·????????Think about your team. In what way can taking time for yourself and managing your boundaries benefit you and your team?

·????????Think about a colleague who seems a bit depleted - as if they just need to recharge their batteries. What would you advise him/her to do?

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Conclusion

I hope that you see the value in self-care for leaders. As we all work to embody this evolving definition of what it means and takes to be a leader today – remember to put your own mask on first.

?As an afterthought that we can all appreciate from Bryan Magee – “One of the most reliable signs that you need a holiday is the conviction that you cannot spare the time to take one.”

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Want to know more

Attend our programme - BOOST YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL IMMUNE SYSTEM. You will:

• Obtain psychological antibodies at the time of stress
• ?Create a buffer against environmental stressors, day-to-day hassles, and negative emotions
• Replace maladaptive coping behaviours with appropriate tools and techniques