Who I am

In the spirit of "practice what you preach" I have been compelled to finish my coaching credentials requirements and finally get my PCC. It wouldn't be on brand for me to just do one thing at once, so of course I set out to kill two birds with one stone* and use the opportunity to go through the new process that all future Coacharya learners will go through. (*seriously, someone please give me a better phrase...).

This is as close to dogfooding as I'm gonna get to in a non-IT world, so I knew it would be a super useful exercise for the company. What I didn't expect is that it would provide so much value to me personally. I mean, after all the training, reading, webinars, and literally leading a coaching company, you'd think that I'm at peak self-awareness and the "aha" moments are few and far in between. You'd be wrong. The more I discover, the more I realize there is more to discover. I just didn't expect it to happen while doing homework.

So what's a girl to do other than overshare? ;P

The following is my personal statement, which happens to be the first essay assignment in our Coaching Foundation program. This is my first draft so if my evaluator is reading this, you'll get a copy that ticks all the requirements, promise! I wanted to share this first version because it's my gut reaction to the prompts and I found it quite helpful to reflect on me in relation to the professional world I'm currently a part of.

Who I am

I frequently think about who I am, which is a bit weird because I think I’m more self-aware than the average bear and I know that I live my life with authenticity and with unwavering ethical standards. The reason I frequently think about who I am is because I find that the world sends me mixed signals as to whether who I am is “good” or whether it’s what I should be.?

Sometimes, I get pleasantly surprised when I learn how “me being me” has helped someone somehow. It takes my breath away (in a good way) every time. It leads to contemplation of whether I think of myself as the type of influence that I clearly was to this person, which inevitably leads to a bit of self-doubt and “I don’t deserve this” and “crap, I need to live up to those expectations.” It’s exhausting at times but it leads to growth so I really can't complain.?

On the other hand, my whole life I’ve also received signals to the opposite, that "me being me" is not a good idea. I hear that I’m too opinionated, too direct, too analytical, too uncaring - you name it. When I was younger, I took these things to heart a lot more and I’m not gonna lie… it was depressing. Still is sometimes. Just now I’m mostly able to take a step back and use that “too analytical” brain of mine to understand where the judgment comes from and adjust my behavior accordingly (if that’s what I feel is right) or just accept that I disagree with the other person's opinion and move on.

Who I am and who I believe myself to be is a good human citizen of this planet. I’m not the nicest or most capable, or anything “most” really. I’m balanced and I truly believe that. I’m honest, ethical, fair, generous, courageous, funny, dependable, competent, inspiring and thoughtful. I love nature and all its creatures (well, not mosquitos, but bats eat them so I really can’t not love them too much). I get distracted by puppies and flowers and colors and shiny objects and kittens and bees (what were we talking about again?). I like to be barefoot and dirty and to just be outside doing whatever. I'm friends with every dog I ever met. Most of all, I am comfortable with who I am and I have no regrets. I even like who I am (GASP!).

I’m very much a values-driven person. My biggest guiding principle is “do the right thing” and I live that to a fault, often to my own detriment. I stand up for myself and for the little guy, and I’m incapable of turning a blind eye. I get physically sick at the sight of abuse, neglect, and waste.?

I remember a 360 I had done at my previous company and the coach said that some people think I’m dogged. I had no idea what the word meant, but it had dog in it so I figured it was akin to “awesome.” I was wrong, but the definition still resonated with me big time. When explaining it to me, the coach used words like tenacious, determined, and persistent to describe dogged. You know my reply? “That’s great! Thank you.” Poor guy… the confused look on his face. He meant that dogged was a bad thing and I clearly took is as a compliment. I still do. I am all those things: tenacious, determined, persistent. If you’re driven by doing the right thing, you must be unwavering and dedicated. I am. And I’m proud of it.?And to be described with something that has "dog" in it? Sign me up!

As you may have guessed, who I am and how I behave doesn’t always translate to having the most friends or being the favorite cousin. It doesn’t and I’m OK with that. I never lay awake at night doubting something I said or did. Sure, I think about it and reflect on it, but I know that my moral compass is strong and that I did the right thing, even if it means that some people think I'm not very empathetic. I am, but that's not what drives me and it's not where I thrive. You don't go to me for a hug and "it'll be alright." You go to me to get out of a bad situation and focus on what's next. That's where I thrive. I help you fix what's broken and figure out how to not break it again in the future. I pump you up so you believe you can handle it yourself next time.

Do I want to change that unempathetic perception I sometimes get? Kinda. Maybe. I don't know yet. I want to grow and improve, but I also want to make the right kind of dent in this world, with the talents and skills I have or can develop. I can't be everything to everyone and I'm cool with that. At the same time, when you work out, you need to work on all the muscles in the body if you want a balanced physique, or you'll end up with bulging biceps, but a weak core, for example. Same with these skills, traits, whatever you want to call it. Perhaps I don't work my empathy core enough and my fixer tendencies are getting a bit bulgy and I'm at risk of losing balance.

So reflecting back, my first shot at writing down my values:?

• Always do the right thing
• You are what you eat: every experience makes you who you are
• No regrets, just lessons learned & and do better next time
• Respect, love and nurture for nature
• Waste is the worst: actual waste, wasted potential, wasted opportunities
• Think. And if you have to act before you think, think after, but never just act.

This next part is part of the personal statement since it's in the context of coaching. It may not sound like it's directly "who I am" but I think it is so I'm including it.

Why Coacharya

I do not subscribe to “one size fits all” in pretty much all of life. I think there are commonalities that we should take advantage of, but each person is unique and the best way to maximize their potential is to recognize and adapt to that. Coacharya’s approach is based on coaching competencies at the core, but it doesn’t treat those as the beginning and end of coaching. Coacharya’s approach recognizes the breadth of psychology and human experience, in general, to help coaches become the best coach they can be, not the best coach that ICF or EMCC defines. I think this approach yields coaches who can think for themselves. This translates to personal agility, continuous growth and ability to serve a variety of clients.?For me, it meant increasing my own self-awareness and understanding where my gaps are.

My Vision of Coaching

To me, coaching is a mindset. It’s also a skill and a tool and a behavior, but the mindset is the most powerful to me. If we can change the way we think, that will translate to the way we make decisions, the way we behave and the way we impact others.

To me, coaching mindset means thinking, reflecting, questioning, curiosity, agility and openness to possibility. I didn’t become a coach because I want to work with clients. That's not my calling. I did it to evolve how I think so that I can improve myself and the world around me. I think coaching can make me a better manager, sister, daughter, friend - you name it. Mostly, it will (and has already) make me a better human.?

I strongly believe that a coaching mindset can help broaden everyone’s horizons and contribute to a more peaceful, evolved society. Think about it - what if just 10% of thoughts changed from selfish statements to curious questions, without judgement and with regard for the "other"? I truly think it could end wars.

If there’s one thing I get from coaching is that we’re all a work in progress. Some of us just don’t recognize it and that’s where problems happen. If we (as a people) had more curiosity and focused on building each other up, we could be the most successful society to ever grace this universe. There's still hope.

That's all she wrote... in her first draft :). What about you? Who are you, really?