WHO TO FOLLOW?

Look, I’m not the best at taking directions. You may say it’s because I’m a dude and you may be right. The dude follows his instincts. But even I know sometimes it’s in your best interest to follow directions, especially when you’re in a tight corner, like pulling into a garage bay at your local tire repair shop. Which is exactly where this story begins…

Now, before I go any further, let me say, this was not something I’ve had to do too often. At my garage of choice the repair guys do the parking for you. You show up at the counter, you hand over your keys, you point to your car, and they take it from there. Your job is to then find where the free coffee is stashed and plump your ass down for forty-five.

Not so during the Pandemic. Now, everyone’s vehicle is a biomedical hazard. You take your life into your own hands when you enter another person’s vehicle. Suddenly the coffee stains in the cup holder look a lot more ominous. What aerosol droplets could be lingering under the visor ready to drop down like black ops soldiers repelling from the ceiling of a suspected terrorist hideout? I’m afraid it’s now up to you to land your Honda Minivan delicately onto the metal lifts in the floor. 

The employees at the garage know they’re rolling the dice with many of their clients when asking them to do this, so, as you would imagine, they have someone directing you in with a tetrad of recognizable hand signals. “Left, right, straight, stop!” Pretty standard stuff.

However, let me ask you this question: What do you do when you’ve got two guys directing you in at the same time? Why would I ask such an absurd question? Because that’s exactly what happened to me last week! I had two gibronis, side by side, directing me in at the same time. No joke! I’m like WTF is going on here?  Is one these guys in training? Am I seeing double?   Whatever, I try not to let it derail me. I may not be a Navy Seal, but I’m not about to panic either. But things quickly start going south when suddenly one of them goes rogue! Problem is, I can’t tell which one has gone rogue, all I know is one guy is telling me to keep the tires straight, the other is telling me turn the tires right . Maybe they want me to zig zag, I don’t know.

What I do know is, the clock is ticking. If I delay too long parking my vehicle properly, people are going to notice and I’m going to lose important street cred in this garage and I can’t afford to lose anymore because I’m already in a minivan. I notice my palms get a little sweaty. It’s decision time. Fortunately, I remembered something I’d read in the leadership book my wife got me for Christmas written by two Navy Seal Vets… “Evaluate the situation. Make a call. Execute.”

I make a call. I go right, mostly because that guy seems more emphatic. Bang! Wrong call. Guy who said straight is like, “WTF dude, do you not understand hand signals?” I look over at the guy who said right, now he’s pointing left! Now it’s right again. This dude was just dancing. My bad.