Who is the F90 M5 for, really?

First published 23 August, 2020, and given mild tweaks.

With performance cars, good times can be had — and had often — but mind-bending experiences are far and few between. And so it was, about one and a half years ago, that my life as a car enthusiast was forever changed.

As it happened, Sime Darby Auto Bavaria was having a sales event at The International Gallery at KLGCC on the weekend of 16 March 2019. A sales representative asked if I was interested in coming and looking at the cars on sale. Non-committedly, I accepted.

When I arrived, I saw X3’s and G30 530i’s lining the entrance. The star of the show was the then-newly launch M850i, which was showcased in the main hall, while an E-Copper i8 Roadster sparkled on the pathway to the hall.

At the reception area, I overheard some people speaking about test-driving the M2, and I asked if I could, too. They replied in the negative because a potential customer was very keen on testing it and was ready to put down cold hard cash to purchase said M2.

“We have another one you could try… an M5,” offered the person behind the desk, “but you can’t drive it; one of our BMW Geniuses will be doing the driving.”

It was like being turned down for an upgrade to business class but proffered a seat in first, on condition that I couldn’t have the Krug.

I couldn’t have verbalised a quicker “yes.”

As it turned out, that very car was owned — I was told — by Harald Hoelzl, the Managing Director of BMW Group Malaysia. It was being sold that weekend as he was getting the new M850i.

I did a walkaround of the car, popped the hood, admired the completely silent S63.

I sat in the driver’s seat, waiting for the key being walked over by the BMW Genius, Eean. We chatted briefly about the car, when he pressed the Big Red Button.

BBBRRRMMMM. The guttural S63 came to life.

The BMW S63 is only 20 hp short of the monumental S70/2 in the McLaren F1. Imagine that.

The car was in M1 mode and preset to be in its most well-behaved mode. The exhaust was relatively soft, the ride, supple, and the engine, tame. We pulled out of KLGCC and merged onto the Kerinchi Link.

“Okay, now we’re going into M2 mode,” said Eean, meaning the M5 would be switched to its sportiest, rawest settings.

Now, before having sat in this M5, the fastest car that I had ever driven was a 380whp A80 Supra, which was already plenty quick. This M5 had 600hp. And 700Nm of torque.

I don’t remember many details about the drive from the merging lane until the U-turn at Jalan 19/70a, as I had tunnel vision the entire time. As the F90 did a U-turn, the half-off traction control allowed under the M2 preset to let the car kick the rear end out a bit before Eean corrected it. The tunnel vision resumed.

After the drive ended, I thanked Eean and left, having to make sense and contemplate what just happened. I had developed a new understanding of engines, cars and driving, which left an indelible mark on me; I was equal parts gobsmacked, enthralled and stupefied.

“It would be a long, long time before I’ll experience that again,” I told myself.

Or so I thought.

A week ago, BMW Malaysia launched four M cars simultaneously — the M8 Coupé, M8 Gran Coupé, X4M and X3M — and I was invited to the launch. While I was registering to enter, I was told I should get my name onto the test-drive list now as slots were limited.

“Test drive… what, exactly?” I wondered. Surely not the M8, I reasoned, but something with an S55 would be delicious.

We were given options: An M2, M4, or M5.

An M5. That F90 M5, which twisted my brain into a pretzel last year. The choice was clear because the opportunity to let rip a twin-turbocharged, high-strung, performance V8 was extremely rare.

As we set off from The Paddock, I was in M1 mode, and it was familiar. But, this time, I was driving, sans sales associate or BMW Genius in the cabin.

The placement of the M1 and M2 buttons (these are mode buttons, and not to be confused with the model names) are excellent. They should really be called “Magic 1” and “Magic 2” buttons because you can have your cake and eat it: The way it's set up now, M1 keeps the car magically supple and civilized, like a regular 5 Series, and M2 transforms it into a supercar sedan.

Now, unfortunately, and as with most modern BMWs, the steering is artificially light and synthetic, which means that the vehicle is too sharp.

The brakes were very strong, but the brake pedal was too light — the slightest touch and the calipers would do a vice grip on the rotors. For the prospective M5 owner, that could be adapted to, in time.

The seating position is lovely, and the seats hug you well and are very comfortable, providing lots of configurability.

The eight-speed ZF torque converter is brilliant — except for that one time when it struggled to find the right gear when I accelerated from slow speed.

Then we went into M2 mode as we got onto the Guthrie Highway.

It’s hard to describe the power of a 600hp, twin-turbocharged V8, or what 0–100km/h in a touch under three seconds feels like. Words like “fast”, “performance” and “great” are just insufficient.

My smartwatch’s heart rate monitor measured a peak of 130bpm during the drive.

Its enormous power — the tremendous, and linear, power delivery — and deep burbles interspersed with exhaust pops and bangs when you lift off the throttle is not something you find in tuned cars with smaller engines, which characteristically feature a tremendous amount of boost kicking in all at once.

But, together with its all-wheel drive and heft (almost 2,000kg), the F90 M5 doesn’t actually feel very fast, even though you know you’re flying.

As we blasted down the right lane, I suddenly felt the car fighting back. One of the car’s nannies, the lane assist feature, was trying to force the car to stay on what it thought was the safest and best position relative to the other lanes. One slight issue: All the road markings were a mess as a good 300 meters of road was being repaired, with conflicting markings overlapping each other.

Yes, lane keep assist is a good feature when you’re cruising along leisurely at 80km/h, but it's terrifying when you’re pushing past 110km/h.

And this is where the F90 M5 gets a bit confusing.

One the one hand, the main point of the F90 M5 shines: Its S63 engine. On the other, there are so many layers between the driver and the road by way of electronic nannies and synthetic steering that you’re left wondering, “Who is this F90 M5 for, really?”

I would hazard a guess that BMW would claim that the F90 M5 is for drivers who are uncompromising about performance. That much is true.

But this is performance you don’t have to work for; you don’t have to coax it out because the turbochargers deliver plenty of power down low the rev range. This is a car that makes even average drivers look great because the computer keeps your wheel slip in check and can distribute power between the front and rear axles seamlessly, so the car is always composed.

Is this a car for true blue (and white) BMW fanatics? Perhaps, but they would take exception to the steering feel, digital interruption and number of buttons in the cockpit.

Is this a car for those who yearn for the track? This car can drift, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want to drift it — and few actually will tear up the tarmac at Sepang in their (and this is the keyword) personal RM1.1 million, 2-ton beast of an M5.

Is this for someone who must have a high-performance V8? Mercedes also makes V8s that, as a matter of personal preference, produce a better exhaust burble in a smaller package. Their 4-liter twin-turbocharged V8s costs about RM2,000 per year less in road tax than the S63’s 4.4 liters, but of course, this matters little to those who can pony up the asking price for an M5. The smaller V8 is also less thirsty.

If we’re being honest, this car is just too powerful for Malaysian roads. Past a certain horsepower figure, these numbers are meaningless.

BMW’s regular 5 series is already highly competent in its G30 530i specification with a capable B48 engine making 252hp and 350Nm. A gentle Stage 1 tune (just some software optimization) takes that engine to about 300hp and 400Nm — which is already plenty.

This is 300hp and 400Nm that you will fully make use of far more often than you would in the F90 M5, in a car that costs almost a fourth of the purchase price. So, half of an M5 for a quarter of the price.

If BMW Malaysia brought in the G30 540i, which has the potent (and very tuneable) B58 engine, the F90 M5 would make even less sense even if you had the money.

So, then, the F90 M5 is for a BMW-inclined, V8-loving performance absolutist with staggeringly deep pockets, and cares naught for the light steering. To the latter point, admittedly, most who drive this magnificent machine will be plowing through urban centers, rush-hour traffic and tight parking spaces that haven’t expanded in 20 years — and drive the car often, they must, as high-strung performance engines don’t take too kindly to being left to sit still for extended periods.

The F90 M5 is for the driver who wants an all-in-one car, to bridge the regular 5 Series and, let’s say, a Ferrari 488 GTB. It seats 5 comfortably, has a large boot, and yet produces more than power than you’ll ever need.

In all-black guise, the F90 M5 looks deceptively like a regular 5 Series, which means you can slip through unnoticed with only the large brakes, burble and quad-pipe exhausts being giveaways to those in the know.

A sleeper, if you will.

A Stage 1 tune endows the F90 M5 with 700hp, which is more power than an Enzo Ferrari, and even that of another BMW-powered great: The McLaren F1.

Yes, these are radically different cars, but who’d have considered the prospect of a 700-horsepower four-door sedan? Pause, and think what a time it is to be alive.

Owners of the F90 M5 are driving an elemental force of nature. While I don’t envy the car’s ownership costs, I yearn to strike that silly grin again — with the tunnel vision and heart palpitations along for the ride — when one hits M2 and floor the throttle.

2025 update: Thanks to steep depreciation, the F90 M5 is now about a third of its launch price, making for a very compelling buy IF you can stomach the high road tax and fuel consumption costs.