Who else is sick of ‘shoulds’?

Who else is sick of ‘shoulds’?

This week I’ve been brought face-to-face with the power of the word ‘should’ and how, despite years of work and deprogramming it’s still showing up and stressing me out.

There’s the I-Should and the They-Should and the most pervasive of all She-Should.

“I should lose some weight.”

“They should be more considerate.”

“She shouldn’t be so bossy.”

In every single use of the word ‘should’ we’re either imposing something onto others (not our place to do so, retreat immediately!), berating ourselves for something we believe we’re lacking or comparing ourselves to others.?

I’ve put together a list of how we can get the shoulds to shove off, it’s over on my blog - what would you add to stop shoulds in their tracks?

“I shouldn’t make a scene.”

The Good Girl programming we’ve all been subjected to since birth is a prime example of where "shoulds" show up and, when internalised, how damaging they can be to women expressing their needs and having a voice.

This week, my 70-year-old mother was taken to hospital with a suspected heart attack - long story short (the long story is here, on my blog), she was left to sit on a chair in Accident & Emergency for 17 actual hours.??

I had to overcome my inner critic aka the master of programming (The Patriarchy) to muster up the courage to complain and get some adequate care for my mother.?

“You shouldn’t make a scene.”

“What makes you think you’re entitled to special treatment.”

“Who do you think you are, behaving like a diva.”

All of these things that we internalise to stop us standing up for ourselves, our families or our needs came over me like a tidal wave. And it was bloody difficult to push them down and do what needed to be done.?

But, on the deprogramming journey, these small steps are big leaps forward.

You should come to my book launch

As the publish date for my first book, Good Girl Deprogramming gets ever closer, I’d love to invite you to a virtual book launch to celebrate together.?

Friday 24 November 2023, 5-6pm (UK Time)

Register here

If the book goes well, you never know, I may be coming to do a reading near you soon!

You can also still pre-order Good Girl Deprogramming, from my website and you’ll get your copy immediately after the publication date at the end of November.

Here’s what one of my lovely early readers had to say.

“Reading this book feels like having a conversation with a hilarious and impossibly wise friend. While the content is undoubtedly difficult to read in places, you are left feeling informed and empowered…”?