Who else has fallen victim to the invisible sock monster?

From rubbish collections to risk management conventions, our writer reflects on a world gone mad…

Is it an age thing? Maybe so.

But, as I get older, I increasingly find ‘madness’ around every corner in the world.

I’m not talking about the big things. It is the little things. The incongruous that I find incredulous…

For example, why are all refuse collection lorries called “Dennis”?

Where does the sock monster live? Our tumble dryer has one. I have checked behind, under and above it. Cleared the filter. Practically rewired the damn thing in my quest to solve the mystery. And yet still the sock monster gets my socks and eats them. But it is a sealed, self-contained unit! How is that possible. And why does he only ever eat one sock from each pair?

These are the sorts of things that bother me..!

There’s a bloke living in my house. And when I find him… I’m going to kill him! He’s called “Somebody,” and is at the centre of every misstep in my domestic life…

“Who spilt red wine on the white sofa. Was it you?” ? “No!” ? “Well, it must have been Somebody…”

You see! “Somebody” deserves all he gets!

Who thought it was necessary to write the instruction on the back of the seat in front of you in an aircraft, “Fasten seat belt whilst seated”? As if it is even possible to fasten it whilst you are standing up!

And I saw a sign at a local beautician’s the other day “Ears pierced while you wait.” Like I could drop my ears off and go back to collect them the following day, when I was passing! “Sorry! What did you say? I can’t hear you. I have left me ears to be pierced!”

Given the Nation’s obsession with the weather, why do we not have a league table for weather forecasters? Everything else in life is subject to KPIs. Yet Tomasz Shafernaker can get it totally wrong on the BBC Weather, week after week, without consequences! How can that be right? At a minimum, Which? should conduct a survey!

The other day I was looking on Marketplace for a mirror for my daughter’s room. Keen on upcycling, we are saving the planet one remodelled room at a time! I saw an ad for a previously owned mirror. It said “Mirror for sale. Hardly used!” I thought “How do I know you are not lying… you might have been looking at your reflection in it every day and now just pretending you didn’t, to get more money. Sort of ‘clocking’ for reflective surfaces!

Philosophers have asked “If a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is there to hear it fall, does it make a sound! Dur… Yeah! There is just nobody to hear it!

Recently I was in Cape Town with the Retail Risk conference. There I met someone in the petrol forecourt security business. Our conversation turned to using fog canons to prevent theft. Turns out that they had a massive problem in South Africa, with one petrol station being dynamited by thieves (yes that’s right, DYNAMITED, in a high octane area) EVERY DAY!

In conversation about one forecourt retailer, it transpired that they had installed four fog canons in their worst four petrol stations – ‘worst’ from the point of view of being frequently targeted by thieves. I asked how the trial was going. The answer was that it was too early to say… since they had not had any break-ins since installing them, which was ‘disappointing.’ I was lost for words!

And that brings me to the greatest professional mystery of all…

Why is it that retailers, in an attempt to secure their premises, first fit an alarm. Then when that does not work, they add CCTV. Then when that doesn’t work, they add a monitoring station to the alarm and CCTV. And then as a last gasp attempt to stop theft they add fog canons… and the thefts stop. Why oh why do they not simply fit the fog canon first!?!

And if you doubt my claim, just take a look at the case study, featured here on our LinkedIn feed, from Dave Pardoe of the Works. Then perhaps you too will wonder if you should take a second look at fog. click HERE…

Lots has changed in the years since smoke was first introduced to protect bank notes and collection boxes.

Today, with fog, retailers have many more options and far more sophisticated solutions available to them. Fog can make a huge difference, with minimal disruption and at a fraction of the cost of other solutions. We even have mobile units that can be RENTED and shipped to troublesome stores – deployed in just hours – that have been shown to stop theft dead in its tracks.

Why doesn’t every retailer try this out?

You tell me…