Who do you want?
Photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash

Who do you want?

Looking at your calendar, ask yourself, “What percentage of the meetings I’ve got scheduled am I looking forward to? What do I see myself getting out of each these meetings?”

It’s easy to fall into a pattern of making phone calls, scheduling meetings, and doing presentations that merely keep you busy, but aren’t moving the needle of production or satisfaction.

If it’s just a numbers game—as we’re often told--then you’re going to kiss lots of frogs in the hope of finding the people with whom you share mutual understanding, common passion, and a future you’re committed to bringing about together (which is what a sale is in essence).

Thankfully, it’s not just a numbers game. Otherwise, Achilles couldn’t win the race with the tortoise; after all, there’s an infinite number of spaces-inside-of-spaces to traverse before Achilles can pass the tortoise, even though he’s obviously favored to win the foot race.

We collapse space, time, and the vanishingly remote possibility of finding the ideal client or the perfect mate by declaring what we want and speaking&acting in alignment with that declaration. Imagine if the US had declared independence from King George III but continued to honor his authority over us.

With whom do you want to work? In what way precisely?

Most of us have been compromising or just trying to survive the relationships we’re in for so long, we can’t even imagine working or playing with people who stimulate--let alone fascinate—us.

“Self-knowledge is power,” as a dear friend of mine is keen to say, viz., the power to get what you really want.

To get in touch with the simple truth regarding whom you want to be with, you’re going to have to go deeper than the urgings of your parents, teachers, and bosses. You’re going to have to tap into an intuition more profound than social media trends, the dictates of your circumstances, what your partner thinks, or long-standing family tradition.

Ask: “To whom am I drawn in this moment?” And then again, when you see their names on your list: “With which of these folks am I inclined to chat?” And then again, when you interact with them on zoom or at a networking meet-up: “With whom is there chemistry?”

You increase your chances of getting what you want by putting your declaration in existence, by which I mean: create a display of the people you seek in your office and on your bathroom mirror, post it on your favorite social media platform, tell your colleagues at the water cooler and your friends over a beer, and have your coach hold you accountable to connecting with the people you want in your life.

Most of the time we hesitate, or don’t even think to declare what kind of experience we want to have (including with whom), because…and what follows is a story about being separate, different, unable, or a victim. Often what prevents us from speaking our truth is the fear that we’d have to leave our current people (to be with the right people), and that’d make a mess. None of which is necessarily true.

Sometimes the right people are already in our circle, but we need to complete the past with them before we can sense the true fit. (Cf. Ch 16 of Leadership as Relation.) Nevertheless, in the same way your spouse will never know/have the opportunity to try a new way of making love if you don’t ask, explore, or demonstrate the sensation you’re yearning for, the Universe/Higher Power won’t know/have the opportunity to give you the people you naturally want in your life, if you don’t complete the past and declare what you want.

I myself want to have the experience of partnering—as mentor, co-strategist, and confidant—with leaders endeavoring to sustain life in the flow-state, building business through capacity-expanding connections (as opposed to effort), and creating a world that dignifies our children’s children’s children.

Please be in touch if this resonates for you or someone you know! ?

Sincerely, Martin Kettelhut, PhD

Learn about my practice -?https://www.listeningisthekey.com

Read?Leadership as Relation -?https://tinyurl.com/4zr7vb6w

Leadership?Roundtable -?https://listen.ceo/leadership-roundtable

Listen to my & Bill Tierney's Leadership Coaching Podcast -? YouTube ??Apple ??Spotify ?PocketCast ??iHeartRadio

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