Who do you think you are? Some kind of superstar?

Have you ever noticed Spice Girls lyrics are so deep? (Sorry for bringing them into two out of my three articles). “The top is high/So your roots are forgotten; You have got to reach on up/Never lose your soul” is a perfect initial mental stimulation for the topic I want to address today – work/job identity. And for the smart ones of you out there, that now think “but she said work is life too!”, nope, the complex topic of life identity is out of scope for today.

V: Nice to see you again Vicks. Let’s start with the obvious one, who do you think you are?

v: Superstar, ofc.

V: (facepalm). You can do better.

v: Ok, ok. I am, Viktoria. I guess. Uf, this is a tricky topic.

V: It is, right? So, Viktoria. You’re are also a VP, at least your job position says it. How does it feel to be a VP?

v: Feels weird to be honest. Couple of years ago I looked at this differently. I was so keen on moving up the corporate ladder. I wanted to be a team leader, a manager, a higher manager and then even a higher manager. I kind of thought that would mean something.

V: Does it?

v: Not anymore. It’s just a?title at this point, I?wouldn’t use it to describe myself. I?even prefer not to say it when someone asks me what I?do for work.

V: Who are you then? When at work.

v: I try to be myself, also at work. The most honest myself as I can be, considering the environment. Which means I am making myself quite vulnerable.

V: I believe that’s why you chose this topic.. to elaborate on work identity, if one should have a work persona, different to her usual persona, to protect herself at work.

v: Exactly. You know me so well. Sometimes I take things at work too personally, or I don’t know how to react at certain situations, because there is a clash between how my inner self would react and how I think is appropriate to react within the position I have. You are expected to be a leader, never lose it, always be composed, confident, calm and in control.* But I am not like that, I am human and sometimes I break down, I have no idea what to do, I am overwhelmed and emotional. Who wants to see a leader like that?

V: That’s where the work persona would come in handy?

v: Yes. But for me, that is quite a lot of pretending. And that requires energy. Instead, I try to focus the energy on balancing things out. Saying out loud when I feel bad, (without the actual break down with crying and yelling, I keep that for the safe home environment), acknowledging it’s normal and also admitting it will pass. We need to normalize having feelings and bad days at work. It’s ok not to smile all the time, every day.

V: Ohhh, you have such a nice smile, you should smile more often though.

v: I know you are just saying this to annoy me. I will smile when I want to smile and when I feel like it, and I stand by it and I won’t be creating any such thing as a work smile.

V: Aren’t you choosing the hard way here? You know, have feelings but don’t bother everyone around you with them.

v: Maybe. But it feels so good to be me, both in the good and the bad. Why would I want to be anyone else? Back to the work-life harmony thing (that one smart woman pointed out in the comments).. harmony as a positive state of calmness, peaceful existence. I want that at work too, I don’t want to wear a mask which I put down after I clock out, all exhausted and depressed. ?

V: Do you truly believe you can be the same in every aspect of your life?

v: Great question! It’s not about being the same. You are always a bit different with every person you interact with, because the interaction itself influences your identities. I believe I can achieve harmony in my various identities and keep my core identity intact. Never lose my soul.

V: Last question, I promise.. Not sure you’re gonna like this one.. It all sounds, very na?ve, and also a bit condescending. Spice girls lyrics are not real life. Is it really so bad to behave differently at work than at home?

v: I know. Dreams and ideals are one thing, reality is another. I can imagine a lot of situations why one chooses to have a work persona. As mentioned before, it can be a form of protection. And, it can also be chosen deliberately as a strategy. I don’t like presenting, it stresses me out. So I choose to be someone else when I present. And recently I even tried to use my job title for that. I told myself, Vicks, you are a VP and VPs deliver great presentations, so that’s what you’re gonna do. It takes some of the stress out. Find that harmony so at the end of the day you feel good about yourself.

Afterword: Feeling confused now about what the conclusion is on work identity? I get it. I never promised final answers, just talks with myself. :)

*for the purposes of keeping the length of the interview reasonable I didn’t write more, but you should definitely check out this monologue from Barbie, if you haven’t already. That is how I?feel quite often, that it's impossible to be anything.

Tips from Vicks

Exercise – Get a good trainer, if you can. Honestly, it will take you to the next level.

Food – ?Eat that chocolate you’re in the mood for. It will save you some overeating time later.

Mindfulness – What are you grateful for today?

Work – When struggling with insecurities, imagine you have confidence of a mediocre white man.

Finance – Buy one amazing outfit instead of 5 pieces of random clothes, 2 out of which you’ll never wear.

Woman of the month: Gillian Anderson – apart from being an excellent actress and a beautiful woman, she is an activist in various causes that are dear to my heart. She is an inspirational woman supporting other women, very open and honest and vulnerable in her interviews. And did she really wear a yoni dress to this year’s Golden Globes? Yes, she did. An icon.

Book of the month: Charlie Mackesey: The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse – after a heavy interview I wanted to choose something light, yet amazing. It’s sooooo cute, just check it out. I usually open it randomly, read one page and enjoy the feeling of getting a hug from the book.

Intention for the next month – Get comfortable saying “No”, when you need time for yourself. ?

Dance song of the month – change of genre a bit. This track never fails to lighten up my mood and get my body moving.