Who Do You Think You Are... Part 2

You do not need a phone box to find your superpower

If movers and shakers (and me) struggle with self doubt and questioning who they are, what hope do you have?? How do you turn that nagging, negative voice of self doubt into a super power??

Self doubt can be a superpower. OK, self doubt is never fun, but a certain amount is healthy. Healthy self doubt means you are reflective, and responsible with your actions. It separates us from narcissists. But if you change how you view self doubt from a crippling kryptonite to an empowering rocket ship, you will unblock your ability to get shit done. Because it is you that is stopping your growth.

You can use it to move through doubt into a place of personal empowerment and audacious action. Self doubt as a superpower looks like objective when it comes to the work you do - you do not just charge into the unknown without looking at the next steps from all angles. Self doubt as a superpower means you are open to asking for help. Self doubt as a superpower gives you space to evaluate what you do and why you do it. Self doubt as a superpower leads to greater self awareness and reflection. Self doubt as a superpower protects you from what is called the Dunning-Kruger effect - people who overestimate their abilities and knowledge, especially in a space they have no experience in. You know the types, TV talent shows are full of them.

What type of imposter are you?

Self doubt is healthy.? But where it strays into unhealthy is when it consumes you, and imposter syndrome becomes your travelling companion.

As with most problems in life, the best way to surmount them is to take responsibility and acknowledge it is a problem.

As you begin the journey to overcoming imposter syndrome, it is good to name the type of imposter syndrome you suffer from. Chances are you are a perfectionist or someone who is used to getting things done without help, or naturally talented and skilled in your space. There are four types of imposters:

• Perfectionist
• Super heroes?
• Good at everything
• Party of one

Which one are you?

Perfectionist

Perfectionism and imposter syndrome go hand-in-hand. Do you relate to these traits?

• Set excessively high goals?
• Everything has to be 100% perfect all the time
• When you fail to reach a goal, you spiral into self-doubt and anxiety.
• Be in absolute control of everything?
• The only person who can do it right is you.
• Focus only on results
• Crippling fear of failure
• Defensiveness if a mistake is pointed out
• Highly critical?
• Find it impossible to delegate, and if you so, you have to change everything to suit your ideals
• Procrastinate if things do not fall perfectly into place

Superheroes

Otherwise known as martyrs or workaholics. The superheroes are the ones who cover up their insecurities by being the first to put up their hand for a new project, setting out to prove their value. The superhero must be good at everything, through all areas of their life. Do you relate to these traits?

• First in and last to leave
• Business or work is your primary focus
• Doubt yourself even though you are highly educated and trained
• Downtime stresses you out because you should be working
• Hate being criticised?
• Find it impossible to feel good about yourself even when you get a pat on the back

Good At Everything?

This imposter syndrome type feels they have to be naturally good at everything. If it takes too long to learn something, they have failed. Do you:

• Set the bar ridiculously high
• Have to get things right the first time
• If you do not pick something up, you beat yourself up.
• Your self talk includes ‘why am I so stupid?' or ?’m a loser for not getting that right’
• You excel without too much effort - things come easily for you
• A straight A student
• Won lots of awards?
• Shy away from coaching or mentoring - you don’t need it
• You're the ‘smart one' in the family
• Avoid challenges because you do not want to fail

On Your Own

A close cousin to Good At Everything, On Your Own imposter syndrome sufferers who do not like asking for help. Asking for help is a sign of weakness and lack of knowledge and skill. A highly independent type, On Your Own never asks for help.

Do you relate?

• Don't need anyone else's input to finish a job
• You are the expert?
• You're always upskilling, so you never need anyone else’s help.
• You feel like you don’t know enough
• You take on all the responsibility?
• You prefer to work alone
• If people offer to help you, you politely decline

The F.R.A.U.D Factor

There are five steps on the pathway to donning your superpower cape and turning down the volume on the negative nelly in your head.

• Fess up - talking about how you feel
• Reality - acknowledge what is real and what you are making up in your head
• Acceptance - change how you view failure and mistakes
• Undergo - do you want a growth or fixed mindset?
• Delight - start celebrating your wins

Fess up, people

Once you know this, you can overcome feeling like a fraud by fessing up.

The problem with being human is that we think that if we speak our foibles and weaknesses out loud, we’ll be judged. Maybe by some, but vulnerability and speaking honestly about the human condition will take these taboo and stigmatised topics into the mainstream, making it more comfortable for others to recover from imposter syndrome. Never be afraid to talk about the challenges you face in life. You will probably help more people than you realise by being honest and open.

Reality check

The next step is to work out if that itty bitty shitty committee is a voice of truth or an evil voice intent on sabotaging your life. The problem with that voice inside our head is it doesn’t know the difference between fact and fiction. Your brain believes what you tell it. If you always tell yourself that you suck, then that’s exactly the space you come from. But if you tell yourself you are awesome, you start to believe it. Affirmations are a powerful tool to change your internal program. Even though it feels weird standing in front of a mirror telling yourself how good you are, just do it. Before long, you start to see yourself differently. It just takes practice.

It is OK to not be perfect

One of the smartest men on the planet, the late Stehen Hawking, said, when asked about the formation of the universe, “One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist.....Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.”?

Somewhere on our life journey, the message has come through loud and clear that perfectionism is a character strength. But all I see from people who aim for perfection is stress, anxiety, and a fixation on control, all of which twists and contorts them into an all or nothing approach to life. Perfectionists have an overwhelming fear of failure, and mistakes can send them into a festering whirlpool of procrastination and hype criticalness of self.? There are studies to show perfectionists achieve way less than us regular high achievers.? It is hard to let go of perfectionism, but if you can and are willing to embrace failure and mistakes, you will learn so much more. Making mistakes and failing makes us humans more resilient, gives us opportunities to learn and grow, and makes us way more interesting to others.?

Your brain is plastic, you can change

After you have sorted out what is real in your head, you can then move onto growth. Years ago, Dr Carol Dweck wrote Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, where she explored the difference between a fixed and growth mindset. Those who struggle to move forward are stuck in a fixed mindset; a little like cement of the grey matter, getting stuck in the details and the way things have always been done. Your abilities are not carved in stone, and failing is an opportunity to learn and grow - this is underpinned by a growth mindset. If you can start to acknowledge that your talents and abilities can be developed, learning something new is good, and is how you get smarter and more resilient, that little voice tends to shush. There is no final destination for those who invest in personal development. Growing, learning and changing are all important elements of being human. We are works in progress.

Celebrate your wins and losses - all of them

Finally, take delight in the everyday and know that it is OK to celebrate your wins, mourn your losses, and that life is not perfect. Hey, if Stephen Hawking, one of the smartest men on the planet, tells you the universe is not perfect, then why do you expect to be?

Give yourself a daily boost

While I am not a big fan of faking it until you make it, sometimes we need a few hacks to trick us on our journey to turning self doubt into a support power. When that voice is nagging you, strike a pose - a power pose. Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on power posing shared that an expansive body posture, like Superman’s, can uplift your mood and attitude. Stand like a superhero, hands on hips, chin up, chest out for five minutes, and tell me that doesn't make you feel more powerful.

We are all human, trying to do our best and get ahead. It is time to stop giving ourselves a hard time. You deserve to live a wonderful life; stop getting in your own way.?