Who DO You Think You Are?

Welcome to Fearlessly Speaking, an occasional newsletter for those who are curious about life and how we can develop our best selves.

I'm Jacqueline Wales, trusted advisor, author and TEDx speaker on Unleash The Power of Fear. To learn more about my programs visit my website or DM me to learn more.

“So many people in the world are often living a life that they hadn't planned for themselves. And they wake up one day and say, 'Hang on. Who am I? Is this really me? Is this what I really wanted?' And also, 'Can I change it? Have I got the courage to change it?'” – Kate Winslet

My mother used to say, “Who do you think YOU are?” with the emphasis on 'you' meant to keep me in my place.

No doubt you may have heard the same question at different times in your life.

According to my mother, that ‘place’ was to stay in Leith, Scotland where I was born, and work locally for the rest of my life. She thought it would keep me safe.

I had other plans.

Years later, I reframed that question to put the emphasis on “Who DO you think you are?”

This sent me on a decades long journey that took me across three continents, and countless adventures in search of the answer.

Over time, I became a writer, poet, singer, martial artist, TEDx speaker, ?mother of four, grandmother of three, and eventually, an advisor and advocate for personal transformation.?

Labels Are For Jars

Most people will answer the question, “Who DO you think you are?” with a label. ?

Their profession, their role in the family, their hobbies, etc.

But what happens when you strip away the labels and the titles, and the status symbols of success?

Can you answer that question without saying what you DO or the roles you occupy in life?

It’s not easy.

Self-Awareness Is Key To Success

Only 10-15% of people are truly self-aware and know who they are.

This leaves up to 90% of us assuming we know who we are but have never tested our assumptions.

In some ways, our lives are like the carnival hall of mirrors. Full of distortions that make it hard to see the real you.?

We cover our lives in half-truths, self-limiting beliefs, fears and insecurities that mask the true nature of self.

Some people believe they are

Not smart enough. Not likeable. Not worthy. Not deserving. Not enough!

They second-guess their decisions.

Fight to be right even when they know they are wrong.

Compare themselves to others.

Seek approval to feel validated and know they are worthy. ?

They admit to perfectionist behaviors that are hard to maintain and result in burnout.

This uncertainty about who you are causes confusion and fear and leads to feelings of...

?? Insecurity

?? Anxiety

?? Loss of motivation

?? Decline in creativity

?? Erosion of self-trust.

?? Decreased decision making.

?? Short-term thinking.

?? Unstable work and home environments.

All of this has been my life at one time.

But it can be changed when you have a better understanding of 'who you are' and are prepared to dig in and do the work of excavating the real you.

Finding The Answer

So how do you begin to answer, “Who DO you think you are?”

• ?Examine your fears, insecurities and uncertainty.
• ?Create a ‘fear’ mindmap by putting the word in the middle and then fill in the things that cause fear in your life. Don’t hold back.
• Make a list of your strengths and your flaws, with particular emphasis on strengths.
• ?Ask yourself what you are willing to change and if so, what does that look like?
• Ask ten friends and colleagues for five adjectives that describe you and see if they see you differently than you see yourself.
• Define your values, the ones that you absolutely won’t violate, and see if you are aligned with them.
• Set a course for change and if you need help, go find it. None of us make significant changes on our own.

?The Greatest Gift

The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to create a life filled with satisfaction and fulfillment.

Clients I work with tell me they have transformed their lives and no longer live in the shadow of self-doubt.

“I began Jacqueline’s programs full of fear and anxiety about being my authentic self…I’m not even sure I know what that meant…In a few months my confidence and self-respect have improved more than in the past 20 years…and I have no doubts anymore about who I am.”

“I thought I was on a certain level both professionally and personally, having made a point over the last several years to work on becoming my best, most authentic self. Working with Jacqueline. I realized I had so much to learn to actually reach that perceived level… am beyond excited for what lies ahead as I continue to grow!”?

Summary

The journey of self-discovery is essential to well-being and fulfillment in life.

Knowing who you are opens your life to greater joy because you are no longer living with assumptions and distortions that limit your ability to feel joy and satisfaction in life.

Grateful to be who you are.

The more you are willing to dig deeply into your thinking, behavior and motivation, the more your true self will emerge, and you will take ownership of all that you are. No more excuses.

Know one thing for sure. No one can tell you who you are. Only you have the power to do that.

Jacqueline Wales is the author of three books including When The Crow Sings, a novel, The Fearless Factor, and The Fearless Factor at Work. She is also the creator of Transformational Strategies for Success, From Chaos to Clarify: Redefining Your Relationship to Uncertainty, and Leading with Trust programs. You can learn more at her website or reach out on LinkedIn to set up time to talk about how she can help your organization grow and thrive.

Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. I know you have a choice in what you spend time on and I'm grateful for your attention.

If you found this useful:

SHARE with your network

LEAVE A COMMENT

?

?

?

?

o