Who do you think you are? 7 Strategies to Stop $crewing Yourself Over (Part 3 of 3)

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*If you’re just tuning in, I’d encourage you to jump back to the beginning of this story, which you can find here in writing (Linkedin), and here in audio .

Please note this article discusses disordered eating and suicidal ideation. Take care when reading.

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Quick recap

After my genius plan of moving to the other side of the planet didn’t ‘fix’ all my problems, things went back to my normal rinse and repeat cycle of bingeing, militant exercise and self-deprecating thinking.

I didn’t think things could get worse until I graduated. Here I was with this whoopsie doo degree that is seen as so fancy shmancy - my PhD, so why didn’t I feel happy? Fulfilled? Satisfied? Fixed?

After being dragged to my ceremony, everything came crashing down.

Why me?

If I had written a book about my life at that time it would have been entitled: “Why me?”

I was caught in my rinse and repeat cycle. I had just been dumped by a guy due to my near real life interpretation of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction (for those who don’t understand this reference, I was the person you fear dating).

One of my close buddies, Luigi, noticed I was really not myself - more so than usual. So he came to check in on me.

We sat at the front of my house on a low brick wall, side by side.

“Why me?” I wailed while cursing upwards towards the sky (I know, eye roll-level drama).

“All I want is to be happy.”

“Why am I having all this bad luck?”

“Why can’t I find a guy?”

“Am I a bad person?Do I deserve this?”

“Why am I being punished?”

Luigi, a South African, rarely had a filter, so unsurprisingly he quickly got fed up and said words that cut like a knife:

“Shorty, do you not realise you’re the common denominator of everything that’s happening to you?”

Oof.

You know those movies when someone gets punched and they slow down the frame rate so you can see the-moment-by moment agony?

That’s what it felt like.

“Ooh Ooh!!” you wonder “This is where the Hollywood moment is, right?”.

“This is where the lightbulb comes on and EVERYTHING becomes clear for you!”

Girl realises she’s the problem!

Girl accepts responsibility!

Girl goes to therapy!

Girl writes book about life!

Girl becomes rich and famous!

Girl is happy!

Sorry to disappoint, but unfortunately not, which really sucks because I’m fairly sure I need that “Hollywood moment” at some point of this story for Jennifer Anniston to play me in my life movie.

The truth is it took YEARS to dig myself out of that hole and see what my therapist Greg saw - that one day, life might just look a little different. That life might just get a little easier.

You can’t see blindspots if you’re looking the wrong way

It’s hard to see the picture of your life when you’re inside the frame. And being in the frame, there’s no other direction to point other than outwards and blame everyone and everything but yourself for your $hit ride. Kind of like those Hollywood movies where the person in the mess never realises that they are the ones who made the mess their stuck in.?

• We don’t see that we’re the ones screwing ourselves over.
• We don’t see that we are the reason that we’re not getting what we want.
• We don’t see that we aren’t being held back by what others think, we’re being held back by what we think of ourselves.

So while the gut punch wasn’t a Hollywood moment, looking back, it was the inflexion point of me realising that:

Sometimes, life just sucks until you MAKE it not suck.

And it’s this “suckiness”, for lack of a better word, that I’ve tried to figure out over the years. Not how to get rid of it, but simply, how do we make life suck a little less.

The Wrong ‘P’

For a long time I thought what I was looking for to make life suck less is “How can I be happy”?

My approach was to have the perfect diet, get the perfect body, get the perfect guy and live the perfect life >>> THEN I’ll be happy.

But… clearly that genius plan didn’t work, did it?

My Dad is by far the weirdest guy I’ll ever know, but he’s also the wisest. He’s been my guiding light for 46 years now, through all the bumps and bruises and things that have gone wrong.

About a year ago, I realised he never once said to me “I’m proud of you”. He always said “I’m happy for you” instead.

I asked him why.

“Squigs, happiness is something I can feel for you, but pride is something that you need to create internally”.

It hit me: I’d been focusing on the wrong “P”.

I’d been desperate to be perfect in the eyes of others, when all along, what I really needed was to focus on finding a sense of pride from within.

Because when you’re proud of yourself, you know and respect who you truly are, rather than trying to get everyone else to respect you by trying to be the perfect person you think others want you to be.

Seven Strategies to Stop Screwing Yourself Over

Over the years I’ve been fortunate to be around some incredible people - friends, family, colleagues, mentors and more. When I’ve been in very, very dark places and wanted to give up, or the opposite when I’ve wanted to achieve something but held myself back - they didn’t tell me what to do, but rather, guided me to find my own path.

As a result, it is only through the helpful heroes that I’ve learned these Seven Strategies which I’d love to share with you today. I don’t want to mislead you - they’re scary and really hard to do at first, but they do get easier over time… I promise!

For each, I’ll ask an introspective question to prompt the deep thinking needed for future action to occur.

R - Risk it (or regret it).

Taking risks rarely gives instant rewards, but staying safe guarantees none.

• What’s the difference between risking it all and risking enough to grow? Where do you draw that line for yourself?

?

E - Embrace your worth.

Knowing your worth doesn’t mean you think you’re worth more than others.

• Were there people or situations in your life that made you question your worth? Do they have that power over you? And if so, why?

S -Selfishness isn’t a sin.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you’re putting others last.

• Are you afraid that putting your needs, wants and desires might lead others to think less of you? If so, why do their opinions matter so much?

P - Pleasing everyone pleases no one.

Keeping the peace with others only magnifies your tension.

• How much tension are you carrying by avoiding difficult conversations?

E - Excelling in life doesn’t require perfection.

If you’re not falling down often, you’re just coasting.

• Which weighs on you more: the disappointment you feel in yourself after failing, or the fear of what others might think of you?

C - Care about inner pride, not external praise.

The opinion you have of yourself is the only one that really matters.??????

• Can you identify a specific instance where you let someone else’s doubts stop you from pursuing something meaningful to you? How did that choice affect you?

T - Take the help, achieve more, faster.

Carve your own path, but don’t let pride block support when you lose your way.

• How does the pressure of maintaining a certain image or reputation influence your willingness to ask for support during challenging times?

These strategies aren’t to make your life perfect, they are simply to help you to stop screwing yourself over a little bit less so you can be a little bit more proud of who you really are, and the life you’re living.

If you’d like to download these to print out for your fridge, your desk or in the lunchroom of your workplace, you can do so here . No email needed - it’s a direct download.

Final Thoughts: A Better Place

As I conclude this series, what I really hope that you takeaway is knowing that it takes time (and sometimes a LOT of time) for life to get a little bit easier. That it isn’t waiting until you have the perfect solution to ‘do that hard thing’ but rather, giving it a go and making micro improvements that lead to a more fulfilling existence. The seven strategies that I shared are not just guidelines but invitations to reflect deeply and act courageously.

But these concepts, I would argue, are more than growth tools—they’re vital for anyone striving to be a better leader. Whether you're managing a team or navigating your own career, embracing risk, valuing your worth, and seeking support when needed can profoundly reshape how you interact with and influence the world around you.

Because imagine a culture where people feel empowered to take risks and openly seek help when needed (without using some disclaiming statement like? ‘I really should have known better’).

Growth, at the end of the day, is understanding that each step, no matter how small, will bring you, and collectively us closer to a better place.

Until next time, stay fabulous.

Dr K x

P.S. Just in case you’re wondering, I now eat M&Ms whenever I want. I love M&Ms.

P.P.S. If these Seven Strategies give you more joy than a shirtless Chris Hemsworth, so much so that you’d like me to go through them with your team or at your next event, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected] or simply drop me a DM.

????♀? Hi there! I'm Katherine.

I challenge leaders to take bigger risks by letting go of the imaginary judgement and criticism that holds them back. My talks focus on leading more authentically and wearing our masks a little less, so we can take those scary steps that truly propel our careers and businesses forward—without worrying about looking ‘stupid’ if we fail or mess up.

If this sounds like a topic you might like to explore for your future events—so your audience can drop their acts and make a bigger impact within their professional careers and organisations—I’d love to hear from you. (I’d also love to hear from Chris Hemsworth, but that’s a story for another day).

?? Website - www.drkatherine.com

?? Email - [email protected]