Who do you really work for?

 “I doesn’t like it”, quipped my adorable, strong and feisty two year old daughter when I gave her a treat of a cup of coca-cola.

The first time I heard it, I muffled my laughter in mild horror at this grammatical error to the laughter-filled disapproving look of my husband. “You should correct her and not find it amusing”, he said with a smile.

Apparently, this phrase seems to be her bold reply to any request from us for almost anything she doesn’t want. What a precious moment it was. This was a small and seemingly insignificant conversation but precious indeed. I fast-forwarded in my mind to take a peek at her in a few years’ time; being a high –flyer one with exquisite diction and grammar. Obviously denying she ever said this.

How many times have I missed moments like this, I began to ask myself. The sad thing is as working parents, we tend to miss these moments. We can be so consumed with deadlines, big projects, and next career move that we actually miss the moments. I tell myself that I will play with my children tomorrow. I need to reply this email or I am plain tired! These may be valid reasons today but moment by moment; our little ones are never always little. They grow and leave home.

These small moments are the teaching moments. The moulding moments that can be lost on us in our pursuit of happiness.

Before the next dad closes this article thinking its mommy’s job to “be there”; I proudly declare to the world that my siblings and I were raised by a single dad. He turned eighty years old in May. Yes, all five of us! As a mother of two, my mind boggles when I think of the hard work of present parenting he put into our lives.

Working moms and dads, I challenge you to look for those moments in your everyday lives. Celebrate them. The more you look, the more you see how often these moments happen on a daily basis. As we come to the end of this year, I ask you to take a strategic look at your family. Take a critical inventory of quality of your relationship with your spouse and family members. Unmarried professionals are not excluded as a family is really a bunch of people with (healthy) relationships.

Why do you work? Critically think about your reasons. Everyone has different sets of priorities but hopefully, giving your family a desirable quality of life is one of them. If yes, don’t miss the moments. Make the moments count. Making memories is a great goal to have. Children may never recount the full event, but they never forget the experience.  

Making memories does not need to cost a fortune. You can use these times judiciously:

1. Meal times for re-connecting:             Make a plan to eat at least one meal together: breakfast, lunch (if you can) or dinner. Ask simple questions like: “What are you doing today?” Or “How was your day?” You glean a lot this way.
2. Bath time for learning your child:      Find out what’s going on in the little one’s mind. They tend to talk a lot at bath time. It can evolve into teaching moments, bonding time, etc.
3. Bed time for building intimacy:          Re-assure your child of your presence and love with bedtime rituals.

              Read a book (develops their minds, intellect and imagination).

        Say a prayer. It develops their spirituality.

  The safety and security of bed time rituals is unparalleled.

  One goal at a time and we realise that our priorities continue to be laser-focussed around what actually matters the most.

Always remember  families are to be enjoyed, not endured.

Article by Bolanle Enang; Founding Director of Capacity Growth Consult (A family wellness company: strengthens families through the workplace).

Making Memories is one of the courses Capacity Growth Consult delivers to professionals in the workplace.