Who is defining your success?

The business defines our success!!

The pressure to build a successful business is massive. Every business dad spoke about this topic, and they were all motivated to create a successful business.?

How many social media posts daily do we see about growth and how to scale the business??

How many LinkedIn profiles say, "I help businesses grow and scale….." Surely, not every business can grow and scale??

And what happens if it doesn't? Does that make it a failure?

When asking a business founder what their biggest frustration in business was, he responded:?

"My biggest frustration is growth; I am driven to grow the company, and I get frustrated when that takes time. I know that if I spend more time away from my family, I could increase the growth rate and reduce this feeling".

This is a problem that we see in every decision that we make. If we say yes to one thing, we say no to another. We are not superhuman, we cannot do everything, but that is ok. I like to say that we have moved from human beings to human doings.?

How do we go about the issue with success in our businesses?

A straightforward process needs to be implemented to define this success. Each of the business dads I spoke to was unique in their situation, the number of children, ages, location, roles, industries, and, therefore, had unique viewpoints on success. Success for some is growth and scale, while it's finding a stable work-life balance for others. Various factors affect the way we look at success.

If the career or business does not go well, there will be significant challenges with finances, relationships and lifestyle. During the research, the underlying theme was that building the future and securing that future for the family caused the most anxiety and stress.?

There is a real challenge to carry this pressure, and this was one area where there were different answers. Do business dads take on the stress alone or share that pressure with a loved one?

Some comments in the interviews were:

"I am swinging brick."

"Physically and mentally, I am broken, but emotionally I am good; I don't cry."

That was what I heard two business dads say. It's this idea that whatever happens, good or bad, they need to be in control or hide their emotions.?

We have to question whether we spend enough time noticing our emotions.

"We're human beings, and we're not robots. And occasionally, how you're feeling bleeds into your decision-making, your demeanour, how you're feeling at work and ultimately your life."

This was a realisation of one individual and how he had gone on to develop his emotional intelligence.

"Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control one's own emotions, the emotion of others, and that of groups." - Daniel Goleman.

A key component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, and?for too long, this idea of "feeling your emotional side" was considered a weakness.?

As a business dad, you need emotional control and time and space to become aware of these feelings. It was evident in some discussions that there could be a sense of loneliness as a business dad.?

Holt et al. (2021) reviewed over 100+ studies on loneliness. It highlighted a relationship between loneliness and poor health outcomes, similar to obesity's consequences.

How do you protect yourself from loneliness?

Finding a support network is key, and there is a growing number of men's groups primarily focusing on Dads.?

Protective of emotions?

My question was, why are we so protective of our emotions as business dads? Of course, we could discuss the conditioning we had from our fathers about being strong, not crying or the idea that very few of our childhood heroes cried.

Have you ever seen Batman, Iron Man or The Rock cry?

Of course, as a business leader, there are moments when you need to be strong, times when you need to project others around you and keep calm.?

However, when do we take the time to reflect on our emotions? Or a better question would be when, as a business dad, do we have the time??

Sensing and acknowledging feelings are the first two steps in the process of understanding their usefulness, how to respond and what can be learnt from them.

I have mentioned how not being aware of emotions can affect health and cognitive performance; therefore, we all need to take the time to check in with our emotions. It's essential to block the time out in our calendars.

The idea of the power of vulnerability is not new; the excellent work and research by Brene Brown into vulnerability highlighted the need for it and how to use it as a strength instead of a weakness (which it is usually seen as).

For me, the best thing to do is go for a walk (with no phone) and ask myself how I feel.

Defining you success

Defining success doesn't mean you have to achieve a specific goal or reach a particular level of growth. It means defining what matters most in you, being a dad, your business and making decisions based on that.

For me, I talk to business dads about how everything fits in. Here below is a model that I use to support business dads.

If you're struggling to figure out how to be a business dad and could use some support, I'd love to chat with you. I run a group of like-minded dads who are always willing to help each other out. Our next pathway starts on 9th Jan 2023.

Lee

[email protected]