Who is in Control?

We are all guilty, on occasion, of raising our voice at our children (and spouses, but that's not the focus of this post).  Shouting at a child for misbehavior or not listening seems like a natural reaction for a parent, but is it? When we shout at our children is it really to discipline them, keep them from harm's way and help them change their ways or is it simply us letting off some steam and frustration caused by our children or possibly something else in our lives?  The truth is that often we shout for the latter reason and not the former. When disciplining children it is important to be in control of oneself and one's emotions. By doing so, we are teaching the children the proper way to behave and respond instead of teaching them that whenever one feels out of control it is permissible to shout. A child learns from watching the example his or her parent sets.  There is an old joke about a parent who receives a call from his son's teacher saying that Johnny has been stealing all of the other children's pencils. The father, upon hearing this, marches upstairs to Johnny's room to inquire if this is indeed true. When Johnny admits he has been doing this the father incredulously asks, "Why would you steal pencils? I bring more than enough home from work." As this cute joke illustrates, our children absorb what they are subjected to.  It is important to show our children that we are in control of the situation, not them, and we can only demonstrate that by remaining calm and dealing with the issue at a time of our choosing which may or may not be immediately in reaction to certain behavior. The next time we are about to shout we should consider two things very carefully; (1) Is the child acting in a normal way for his or her age, and if yes, do they need to change the behavior or do I need to lower my expectations and (2) when was the last time I responded positively to being yelled at?  Let us hope that next time we are challenged, and we will be over and over again, that we act like the adult, in control.