Who are these Constipated Bosses Around Us?

In June of 2020, I wrote an article on?Who are ‘Pakaaoo’ Bosses and how to deal with them? ‘Pakaaoo’ is an Urdu expression that refers to someone who is quite good at grilling his/her employees. Such bosses ideally shouldn't exist in a progressive corporate work environment in the first place but for whatever reasons, they still do. I have also written a few articles on?workplace toxicity . In this article, we will attempt to analyse why do we have bosses who are always so serious looking as if they are literally constipated? They like pin drop silence in their departments. They are expressionless, they don’t smile, they don’t joke around and and above all if they do, they move around with a select few. I’ve seen a few CEOs dinning alone 5-days a week?:)

We all know the reasons: the rapidly changing economic landscape; fast-moving technologies; 24/7 work with little to no downtime. It all adds up to far too much pressure. We’ve all been doing too much for too long, which has left our bosses trapped in the?Sacrifice Syndrome : Everyone’s been giving and giving and giving…and now we have nothing left to give. A boss who may have once been known to lead with emotional intelligence, build a great team, and motivate people becomes a grumpy, cynical, anxious person when stressed. He’s now hovering over you, or worse, disappearing when you need him most.

Let’s review what these constipated bosses lack and what prompts to the deteriorating leaderships habits that makes them worse and in turn their organisaitons:?

1. Respect

We must understand that the deterioration in behaviours begin with the element of ‘respect’.?Why is respect — or lack of it — so important??Charles Horton Cooley ’s 1902 notion of the “looking glass self ” explains that we use others’ expressions (smiles), behaviors (acknowledging us) and reactions (listening to us or insulting us) to define ourselves. How we believe others see us shapes who we are. We ride a wave of pride or get swallowed in a sea of embarrassment based on brief interactions that signal respect or disrespect. Individuals feel valued and powerful when respected. Civility lifts people. Incivility holds people down. It makes people feel small.

Even though a growing number of people are disturbed by incivility,?we know for sure?that it has continued to climb over the last two decades. Incivility often grows out of ignorance, not malice. A surgeon told me that until he received some harsh feedback, he was clueless that so many people thought he was a jerk. He was simply treating residents the way he had been trained.

2. Smile?is Free

"Smiles are free, Give them away ".?One may think that smile does not cost anything, then why don't the powerful people reciprocates smiles.?Politicians, Movie Stars have to smile back in camera. Else they will have real ugly pictures.?As per my observation, smile is?one of the?the?primary?steps?to start bonding a relationship with anyone in this world, regardless of workplace or private life. Sooner, the relationship would become strong and ultimately time has to be given to maintain the relationships.

The managers don’t need to be seen cheerful or funny all the time. While entering the office, a loud hello or a “Good Morning” would do the magic. Managers should save their beautiful smiles for the meetings, briefings, in-person or one-on-one interactions. That’s the time one needs to stay composed and doesn’t lose cool for nothing.?

3. Joking Around

As a leader, when is it okay to tease?someone in the team??How many little ribs are okay to make about them or to them??The answers are clear: Never, and none.?Here’s why.?When you are a leader, you are in the power-over position. This shackles the hands of your subordinate in how they respond. They can’t respond the way they might if you were at equal levels.?They are generally forced to “just take it.” They can’t tell you they don’t like it.?

It's better that the managers join their employees to come up with skits on them during office events and joke about it. That requires a big heart but you would be amazed to see the real happiness on employees faces.?

4. Laughter?

What’s so funny? The answer could be anything.?Someone slipping on a banana peel may be the closest guarantees to get a?laughing out loud (LOL). There are also more idiosyncratic answers that only select people find humorous, which include?some children?cartoons and?similar?work. Or, there are things that were once considered funny that have not aged well. At all.?Laughter can relax, brighten a mood, ease tension and bring people together. This is especially noteworthy in the workplace, where people tend to be stressed.?

What’s funny can vary so widely from person to person, generation to generation and country to country that the idea of some ‘root-of-all-funny’ in which there is some essential aspect to all comedy seems far-fetched. But don’t doubt the positive effects of laughter. It strengthens our immune and endocrine systems, boosts cardiovascular function, and washes our brain in happy endorphins and serotonin.?

5. Expressionless Bosses?

This category of?bosses?isn’t just a workplace nuisance. A leader’s manipulative, passive-aggressive, credit-taking, and overly critical behavior can lead to workplace bullying, job dissatisfaction, psychological distress, and depression among employees according to?a set of?studies? by the University of Manchester of more than 1,200 people. If you’re struggling with the effects of your boss’s toxic personality, you aren’t alone.?

According to?Mental Health America’s ?examination of over 17,000 employees across 19 industries, 64% of employees don’t feel their boss provides them adequate support, and another?survey ?found that 44% of employees have left a job because of a bad boss.?Such people are not only dangerous to our growth as hi-performing or high-potential employees, they are equally unpredictable. They are good to not communicating their feedback with us. They can simply expose us at a place where we wouldn’t even imagine what to do now.?

Final Word?

Rudeness and bad behavior have all grown over the last decades, particularly at work. For over 30 years I’ve been studying, working, consulting and collaborating with organisations to learn more about the?costs of this incivility . How we treat one another at work matters. Insensitive interactions have a way of whittling away at people’s health, performance and souls.?Robert M. Sapolsky , a?Stanford?University ?professor and the author of “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers ,” argues that when people experience intermittent stressors like incivility for too long or too often, their immune systems pay the price. We also may experience major health problems, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes and ulcers.

Its upto us as employees to make a final call.?As?Marcus Buckingham ?once said:?“People leave managers, not companies”.?If you've tried everything to get along with your boss and you just can't work things out, it may be time to move on. There's nothing wrong with that. Exit as gracefully as possible but remember, your health, your family life and above all, your?self-esteem ?should always come first.?

About the Author

Muhammad Sajwani ?is the Founder and Managing Director of?Evolve HR ?which aims at transforming,?enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan,?Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders.?As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.?

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