Who Am I Who Are You - excerpt from my book
Level of tolerance – close-set or wide-set eyes
The eyes are one of the first features we notice when we first meet someone. From the eyes, we get an immediate sense of whether the person is friendly, intense, laid back, or easy to get along with. This chapter will show you how the eyes reveal more information than you ever thought possible.
Tolerance is one of the most important personality traits that indicates the timing of emotional responses and reactions in the moment. Tolerance has nothing to do with impatience. Rather, it indicates how long we will put up with a situation before we respond, how much we will let things deviate from the way they should be before correcting them. This personality trait is determined by the width of the eyes compared to the space between the eyes. Individuals with close-set eyes react to situations more quickly and want to work by the rules. Wide-set-eyed individuals are extremely tolerant and more laid back.
Tolerance plays an important role in how two people get along with each other. When two people exhibit similar levels of tolerance in a relationship, the couple will have similar expectations. If, however, they are opposite in this trait, the low-tolerance person will feel more relaxed by the laid back, easygoing high-tolerance partner. The high-tolerance partner, on the other hand, will think their low-tolerance partner is over-reacting at times and, after a while, will become fed up with what they see as extreme and snappy behavior. They may also feel their partner cramps their more laid-back style of living. This can create a lot of issues in a relationship as well as an intense home atmosphere, which not good for either of them, and certainly not good for any children in the household.
Some issues may arise when the opposites enter into relationship. What was forgivable prior to moving in together, for instance, becomes irritating once they live together full time. However if each person in the relationship develops an awareness of how they are interacting with each other and why, the relationship can work. Individuals with close-set eyes have other qualities that far outweigh the more intense side. They are often very caring and nurturing people.
High tolerance – wide-set eyes
If you are the high-tolerance (wide-set eyes) partner and find yourself running late, call ahead of time and let your low-tolerance (close-set eyes) partner know. If your partner asks you to do something, only agree if you really intend to follow through. Otherwise, the low-tolerance partner will nag you for not doing so. If you are the low-tolerance partner, try to resolve the issues in a less irritating manner. Think about how it would feel if someone communicated with you in that way. That’s how your partner or children will feel. Find ways to resolve the situation so you can achieve positive results. It will actually strengthen the relationship.
There is no reason why opposites cannot work in a relationship. If you care enough about each other then you will be willing to work out the differences.