“Who am I? What am I becoming?”

Carl Rogers, a pioneer in the field of clinical psychology, wrote – It seems to me that at bottom each person is asking “Who am I, really? How can I get in touch with this real self, underlying all my surface behaviour? How can I become myself?”.[1] More than sixty years later, modern human beings – at least, in Western civilisations – are still asking themselves the same question, perhaps with an even greater sense of desperation.

While I cannot claim to be able to answer this question for others, I can at least commend the question as worthy of a lifetime of pursuit. While there is much in this frantic world that would distract us from the question, or even numb us to the spiritual hunger that it indicates, there is nothing more important for us to contemplate.

In the pursuit of self-knowledge, what we think about (or what we fill our minds with) is crucial. Singaporean American journalist, Hwee Hwee Tan wrote “You are what your mind looks at. You are what you contemplate. When we gaze at the glorious, we become glorious”. Conversely, though, “If you look at ugliness and violence all day, you become ugly and violent yourself”.[2]

JKA Smith captured the same idea in his book, “You are what you love”. Eschewing what he calls the “intellectualist model of the human person” and drawing instead on the Christian view of humans as those who “are made by and for the Creator who is known in Jesus Christ”, Smith suggested that it is our loves which direct our lives towards our purpose, as he went on to say – “the gospel is the way we learn to be human”.

I suggest that what we contemplate is an important indicator of what we love. After all, is not hopeless preoccupation one of the first signs of “falling in love”? And, if we are honest with ourselves, aren’t our real values and priorities made clear in the way in which we choose to spend our discretionary time (and income)? Whether you are a Manchester City superfan, or a “Swifty”, a lover of reading, a mad gardener or addicted to gambling on horse races, it is likely that these “loves” determine what you contemplate, and how you spend your time and money. In this way, we become what we love.

John Mark Comer put it this way – “Show me a person’s habits, and I will show you what they are truly most passionate about, most dedicated to, most willing to suffer for, and most in love with … And I will show you who they will become”.[3] Comer refers to a strange analogy used by Jesus to make this point – “I am?the true vine,?and my Father is the gardener.?He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit,?while every branch that does bear fruit?he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful … I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;?apart from me you can do nothing”[4]. I suggest that “contemplation”, “love” and “abiding” are all ways of expressing the same important idea: they all refer to our priorities, to that which we put first in our lives, even (to use another biblical idea) to what we worship.

What does all of this have to do with the young people in our high schools and universities? Or, for that matter, what does it have to do with us, their teachers, as we also may still be wrestling with ultimate questions such as “Who am I?” and “What am I becoming?”. Comer says what we contemplate, and what we love, matter because “whatever we abide in will determine the fruit of our lives, for good or ill”, and he gives the following practical example – “If we are rooted in the infinite scroll of social media, it will form us, likely into people who are angry, anxious, arrogant, simplistic and distracted”. Similarly, “if we are rooted in the endless queues of our streaming platforms of choice, they will form us too, likely into people who are lustful, restless and bored, never present to what is…”.

Ouch! Those examples are pretty pointed, aren’t they?

As teachers, we know that we are not merely charged with the transmission of knowledge and skills. We understand that we also have the privilege of contributing to the shaping of young lives. Whether by what we say or what we do, our students look to us not only for our academic mastery but also because of our life experience and moral influence. Let’s make sure then, as our students look to us for guidance in the formation of their character, we can set a good example in having made good choices about what we contemplate –

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever?is?true,?whatever?is?noble,?whatever?is?right, whatever?is?pure, whatever?is?lovely,?whatever?is?admirable - if anything?is?excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. ?(Philippians 4:8)

[1] “On becoming a person: a therapist’s view of psychotherapy”. 1961

[2] “In search of the lotus land”. Quarterly Literature Review Singapore, 1 (1), Oct. 2001

[3] “Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus, become like him, do as he did”. (2024)

[4]? John 3